America Announcement Equality Health & Wellness Human Rights Latest News Life Science Society Technology U.S. News

Johnson & Johnson Releases New ‘Extra Tears’ Baby Shampoo

Johnson & Johnson is introducing the product after research proved that about 87% of parents were looking for ways to “get back at their babies” – in a fairly harmless way – for the countless sleepless nights, spit-ups, disgusting diapers, nasty farts and constant fussing.”

America Announcement Breaking News Conservative Donald Trump Election 2020 Geography Human Rights Intelligence Iran Iraq Politics Republican Terrorism U.S. News War World News

Leaked! White House Security Briefing Shows Insanity in Trump Administration

“It’s convoluted as [expletive]!” Senator Bernie Sanders stated. “The document obsesses over mechanical pencils and references outdated world news without context, but oddly enough everything ‘Trump’ now makes sense.”

America Announcement Border Wall Breaking News Conservative Donald Trump Human Rights Immigration Politics Republican U.S. News World News

Trump to Declare National Emergency & Melt Down Statue of Liberty on Friday

A White House official has confirmed that President Trump plans to declare a National Emergency on Friday in order to both fund the border wall and melt down the Statue of Liberty to use as construction material. “The President is making a smart move here by using materials that we already have available to lower […]

America Announcement Conservative Football Game Human Rights Politics Race Racism Republican Singing Society Sports U.S. News

South Carolina Gov. Will Fart National Anthem at Super Bowl

South Carolina Governor Henry McMaster announced today that he will be performing the national anthem before the Super Bowl utilizing only his anus. Known for being outspoken – having demanded that everyone stand for the national anthem – McMaster says he’s been practicing for years and can ‘hit every note, low and high.’ In response […]