Conservative Christian Michael Dobbins of San Diego, California says he made the conscious decision years ago not to care about any political issues that don’t impact him or his closest family members until he absolutely has to. Dobbins says that so far he’s been able to avoid caring about the struggles of others for 37 years. “I’m not interested in wearing a mask, advocating for gay rights, or speaking out against police brutality – for example – because nobody I know has gotten COVID, nobody I know is gay, and nobody I know has ever been beaten by the police,” Dobbins stated while adjusting his W.W.J.D. bracelet. “I’ll care about things like climate change when they pollute the lake I live by or the land I own, but until it happens to me, who cares?” Dobbins continued by pointing out other famous conservatives who operate in the same way. “One of my personal heroes is Dick Cheney, who only accepted gay people after his daughter came out,” Dobbins stated. “Another is Nancy Reagan who only supported stem cell research once her husband needed treatment for Alzheimer’s.” Dobbins concluded by emphasizing that many people have this mindset. “I don’t know why this is surprising to anyone because this has been the conservative platform for years,” Dobbins stated. “It just takes a lot less energy out of you when you don’t have to think or care about others.”
“The $85 billion we save a year will go toward green energy, education, infrastructure and ending homelessness in America.”
“They don’t even make laws for us! The gays can be fired in 26 states for being homosexual and we get nothing. It’s disgraceful!”
“We had a brief window of opportunity here and we didn’t take it,” presidential candidate Cory Booker stated.
“Rand Paul’s house is currently under attack and burning down,” TV personality and activist Jon Stewart stated.
“The swirling rumors say that Melania refused to return to the White House for two weeks.”
“There’s no room for every musky man to lie down on the concrete, so they have to get creative with the cuddling. It just looks like a great experience.” – Mike Pence