Congress Passes Resolution to Completely Ignore Middle East


“The $85 billion we save a year will go toward green energy, education, infrastructure and ending homelessness in America.”


Brave, Marginalized Heterosexuals Hold Pride Parades Across Nation


“They don’t even make laws for us! The gays can be fired in 26 states for being homosexual and we get nothing. It’s disgraceful!”

White House Quietly Removes Treason From Offenses Punishable by Death


“We had a brief window of opportunity here and we didn’t take it,” presidential candidate Cory Booker stated.

Americans Crash Hundreds of Drones Into Rand Paul’s Mansion, Nobody Comes to Help


“Rand Paul’s house is currently under attack and burning down,” TV personality and activist Jon Stewart stated.

Melania Trump Was Accidentally Deported


“The swirling rumors say that Melania refused to return to the White House for two weeks.”

Mike Pence Pops a Boner During Visit to U.S. Concentration Camp


“There’s no room for every musky man to lie down on the concrete, so they have to get creative with the cuddling. It just looks like a great experience.” – Mike Pence

Supreme Court Rules “Corporations Can Also Be Gay People”

“It’s Adam and Summer’s Eve, not Ben and Jerry; although, some Victoria’s Secret and Lane Bryant experimentation sounds intriguing,” Trump tweeted.

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