Opinion: I’m Not a Snowflake, I’m Just Fully-Clothed, Crying & Eating Goya Beans On The Shower Floor

YouReadyGrandma

Sorry libtards, but just because I’m fully-clothed, crying and eating Goya beans on the shower floor doesn’t mean that I’m a little, snowflake bitch like you. It means I’m a patriot who knows what’s really going on! Us Trump supporters are the ones who actually care about the United States! Not cucks like you. You dirty, purple-haired hippies probably don’t even know what a shower is! Ha! Well I’m trying to get all of my shower time in before the commie socialists start rationing food and water – which obviously would include beans and bathing. Besides, could a snowflake even handle listening to Y.M.C.A. on repeat while remembering how great Trump was and consuming five patriotic pounds of Goya brand beans? I think not! And why not? Because you’re all low-energy, un-American vegans. Wake up sheeple. All the participation trophies in the world aren’t going to save you from Biden. You’re all pathetic.

Conservative Waiting Until Bad Thing Impacts Him Before Caring About Issue

YouReadyGrandma

Conservative Christian Michael Dobbins of San Diego, California says he made the conscious decision years ago not to care about any political issues that don’t impact him or his closest family members until he absolutely has to. Dobbins says that so far he’s been able to avoid caring about the struggles of others for 37 years. “I’m not interested in wearing a mask, advocating for gay rights, or speaking out against police brutality – for example – because nobody I know has gotten COVID, nobody I know is gay, and nobody I know has ever been beaten by the police,” Dobbins stated while adjusting his W.W.J.D. bracelet. “I’ll care about things like climate change when they pollute the lake I live by or the land I own, but until it happens to me, who cares?” Dobbins continued by pointing out other famous conservatives who operate in the same way. “One of my personal heroes is Dick Cheney, who only accepted gay people after his daughter came out,” Dobbins stated. “Another is Nancy Reagan who only supported stem cell research once her husband needed treatment for Alzheimer’s.” Dobbins concluded by emphasizing that many people have this mindset. “I don’t know why this is surprising to anyone because this has been the conservative platform for years,” Dobbins stated. “It just takes a lot less energy out of you when you don’t have to think or care about others.”

Trump Explains Why He Hasn’t Made a Homophobic Nickname For Pete Buttigieg, Yet

YouReadyGrandma

“When I think of something, you better believe I’m going to go right up to him, get right on Peter and really ride him. Just unload on him with everything I’ve got – and I’ve got a lot. Just ask Melania. I’ve been trying to finish for quite a while, and when I do it’s going to feel great folks. Just great.”

Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring

YouReadyGrandma

“My dreams became littered with terrifying sex monsters that attacked my lesbian lover Barb.” – Elizabeth Warren

President Trump Announces Massive 4th of July Celebration for Liberals

YouReadyGrandma

“HOLD THE DATE! We will be having one of the largest gatherings in the history of Washington State,” Trump wrote. “There will be a rainbow of fireworks, the best drag queens – only the best – and the first ever reading of the US Constitution by your favorite President, me!”

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