Brazil soccer enthusiast Pedro Silva says his Tinder profile was banned today after the dating app announced it would no longer allow soccer fans to have an account. Experts say that Silva is among the more than 3.4 billion people … Continue reading Tinder Bans All Soccer Fans For Seeking Slow, Boring Relationships With Little To No Scoring
Republicans refused to cooperate with President Biden’s attempts to free WNBA star Brittney Griner from Russian prison until he agreed that she will be required to stand for 10 national anthems, say 25 pledges of allegiance, and announce that “All … Continue reading Brittney Griner Forced To Stand For 10 National Anthems, Say 25 Pledges of Allegiance & Announce That ‘All Lives Matter’ Before Every WNBA Game In Exchange For Freedom
Reports are pouring in that University of Michigan football players are almost exclusively having unprotected sex ever since head coach Jim Harbaugh announced that he would gladly raise any of their unwanted babies. According to some players, Harbaugh was absolutely … Continue reading Spike In Michigan Football Players Having Unprotected Sex & STDs After Coach Says He’ll Raise Any Unwanted Babies
Aaron Rodgers has become the highest-paid NFL player ever after signing a 4-year, $200 million deal with the Green Bay Packers, but the 38-year-old quarterback is now telling the press that the team will have to pay him more if … Continue reading Aaron Rodgers Says $200 Million Deal Only Covers Regular Season: ‘Pay Me More For Playoff Wins’
Ukrainian bobsledder Hilda Lunko set the world record for slowest bobsled run in the Olympics this past week after she accidentally took her grandmother’s performance destabilizing drugs shortly before the race. Lunko, who was the first Ukrainian female bobsledder to … Continue reading Olympian Who Accidentally Took Grandmother’s Medication Sets World Record For Slowest Bobsled Run
The vast majority of Cincinnati Bengals fans are convinced that the NFL rigged yesterday’s Super Bowl – allowing the Los Angeles Rams to win the game in the final minutes. Angry fans are pointing to inconsistencies in penalties both called, … Continue reading Bengals: ‘We Scored Due To A Missed Face Mask Penalty So Why Can’t We Also Foul The Rams On Defense!?’
After spending most of his Sunday morning trashing Pete Davidson on his Instagram account, Kanye West admitted that he was responsible for an airplane that was seen flying toward the Super Bowl with a “Fuck Pete Davidson” banner. Authorities say … Continue reading Kanye West’s Plane With ‘Fuck Pete Davidson’ Banner Diverted From Super Bowl Airspace
California governor Gavin Newsom announced today that the state is considering passing an emergency law that can give complete immunity to drivers who strike and injure protesters with their cars on public streets. The move comes a day before a … Continue reading California Might Decriminalize Running Over Protesters Ahead Of Super Bowl
Actor and director Mel Gibson ended a Lethal Weapon 5 Q&A session with reporters today by telling them to “cheer for the Bengals” because “that Burrow guy is a racist.” Reporters asked Gibson to clarify his statement. “I’m calling Joe … Continue reading Mel Gibson Tells Super Bowl Viewers To ‘Cheer For The Bengals’ After Joe Burrow’s Racist Tweets Resurface
President Joe Biden has declared ‘Super Bowl Monday’ – the day after the big football game – a new national holiday. The decision was made when Biden read an article about the huge losses that companies already incur on that … Continue reading BREAKING: Biden Makes Monday After Super Bowl A National Holiday
The NFL informed reporters today that SoFi Stadium – where the Super Bowl will be played – has been equipped with a huge misting system that will spray the entire stadium with 70% isopropyl alcohol throughout the game. The NFL … Continue reading SoFi Stadium’s New Anti-Covid Misting System Will ‘Gently Sprinkle Fans With Disinfectant’ During The Super Bowl
25% of Americans believe that God will determine the Super Bowl winner. Additionally, almost 50% believe that God rewards the more devout athletes. Here’s what people are saying: Continue reading 25% Of Americans Believe God Decides The Winner Of The Super Bowl
The NFL announced today that starting next weekend the league will be using plant-based, vegan footballs. The historic change comes after Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady held a press conference in which he spent over an hour telling reporters why he’s … Continue reading NFL Will Use ‘Animal-Free’ Footballs Now That Tom Brady Is Going Vegan
Representatives from the Green Bay Packers organization have admitted to the press that quarterback Aaron Rodgers’ helmet was custom made with a thick tin foil liner at his request. The team says that Rodgers wears the tin foil helmet in … Continue reading Aaron Rodgers’ Helmet Liner Completely Made Of Tin Foil
Washington State football head coach Nick Rolovich has been fired from his role after refusing to comply with a mandate requiring state educational employees to get the COVID vaccine by October 18th. Rolovich and four other coaches will all be … Continue reading Fired Anti-vaxx Football Coach Will Now ‘Stand Up For Himself’ In The Unemployment Line
