New Alabama Law Sentences Teachers Who Talk About Slavery To Involuntary Servitude

Alabama Governor Kay Ivey signed a bill into law today that will place any public school teachers who teach students about slavery into involuntary servitude programs. “There is not place for discussing slavery in Alabama schools. The past is in … Continue reading New Alabama Law Sentences Teachers Who Talk About Slavery To Involuntary Servitude

Incapable Of Rational Thought, Man Says His Life Is Hard Too, So Privilege Can’t Possibly Exist

Brookfield, WI – Incapable of rational thought, local straight, white, able-bodied, Christian man Alan Richmond says that because his life has been hard too, it means that privilege cannot possibly exist. Experts are saying that Richmond is a very common … Continue reading Incapable Of Rational Thought, Man Says His Life Is Hard Too, So Privilege Can’t Possibly Exist

Despite Clearing Browser Histories, FL Republicans Still Unable To Stop Thinking About Gay Kids

Despite clearing their browser histories, Ron DeSantis and dozens of fellow Florida republicans are having an extremely difficult time getting themselves to stop thinking about gay kids. “Anything relating to the queers has to be considered sexual; even their very … Continue reading Despite Clearing Browser Histories, FL Republicans Still Unable To Stop Thinking About Gay Kids

DeSantis Announces ‘Whites Organizing For KKKonservative Education’ – Or ‘W.O.K.E. Act’

Florida governor Ron DeSantis held a press conference today in which he announced a new bill called the ‘W.O.K.E Act’ – or Whites Organizing for KKKonservative Education. The governor said that he was taking a stand against critical race theory … Continue reading DeSantis Announces ‘Whites Organizing For KKKonservative Education’ – Or ‘W.O.K.E. Act’

conservative coffee company black rifle wont serve black coffee

Confused, Conservative-Run Coffee Chain Too Scared To Serve Black Coffee

Unwilling to learn current social etiquette – and despite the fact that black coffee is widely considered the most “manly” way to take your caffeine – the conservative and veteran-run Black Rifle Coffee Company is still too confused and frightened … Continue reading Confused, Conservative-Run Coffee Chain Too Scared To Serve Black Coffee

Critical Racist Has Theory That US Should Defund Military

Critical Racist Laura Ingraham Has Theory That US Should Defund The Military

Critical of the US military, racist Fox News host Laura Ingraham shared a theory that the United States should defund the military if it plans to support the teaching of critical race theory. The TV host spoke out about the … Continue reading Critical Racist Laura Ingraham Has Theory That US Should Defund The Military

republicans against trump regroup as less overtly racist third party

Mitch McConnell Touts His Newly-Formed Anti-Trump Party As ‘Far, Far Less Overtly Racist’

In a concerted effort to distance themselves from Donald Trump, a group of over 120 conservative politicians held a Zoom call this week to discuss creating a third party called ‘Republicans Against Trump’ (RATs). The party is described as “basically … Continue reading Mitch McConnell Touts His Newly-Formed Anti-Trump Party As ‘Far, Far Less Overtly Racist’

Proud Boys Shocked Afro-Cuban Leader is Informant

Proud Boys Somehow Shocked Their Afro-Cuban Leader Named ‘Enrique Tarrio’ Is Likely To Be FBI Informant

Members of the white nationalist, neo-fascist, far-right political organization the Proud Boys say they feel “shocked and betrayed” after finding out that their non-white leader Enrique Tarrio is likely to be a an FBI informant and that he might have … Continue reading Proud Boys Somehow Shocked Their Afro-Cuban Leader Named ‘Enrique Tarrio’ Is Likely To Be FBI Informant

Racist Food Blogger Buries Mayo Recipe Within 90,000 Word Manifesto on White Power

(Colorado Springs, CO) White supremacist and food blogger Ronald Wilcox says he only meant to post the recipe for his favorite spicy mayonnaise on his blog when he accidentally went off on a highly offensive 90,000 word tangent while describing … Continue reading Racist Food Blogger Buries Mayo Recipe Within 90,000 Word Manifesto on White Power

SpaceX Astronauts Refusing to Return to Earth ‘Until The US Gets Its Shit Together’

SpaceX astronauts Robert Behnken and Douglas Hurley are refusing orders to return to Earth this weekend, citing the uncontrolled spread of coronavirus and social unrest in their home country of the United States. “Although we have already carried out our … Continue reading SpaceX Astronauts Refusing to Return to Earth ‘Until The US Gets Its Shit Together’

Mike Ditka Says He’s Having a Hard Time Achieving Orgasm During the National Anthem

Former NFL player and coach Mike Ditka says he’s having an increasingly difficult time achieving orgasm during the national anthem like he used to. Ditka says the reason for his troubles is that he’s become distracted by liberals sitting, keeling, … Continue reading Mike Ditka Says He’s Having a Hard Time Achieving Orgasm During the National Anthem

Local Man Who Can ‘Totally Outpitch’ 79-Year-Old Fauci Somehow Can’t Handle Players Kneeling

(Buffalo, New York) Local man Bryan James, who proudly announced from the couch today that he could outpitch 79-year-old Dr. Fauci, somehow couldn’t find the strength to watch as members of the Yankees and Nationals took a knee before today’s … Continue reading Local Man Who Can ‘Totally Outpitch’ 79-Year-Old Fauci Somehow Can’t Handle Players Kneeling

Mississippi’s New Flag Design Angers Atheists and Racists Alike

Just days after Mississippi lawmakers voted to replace the state flag because it included the old, racist Confederate flag in the top left corner, government officials have unveiled a new design that has upset both atheists and racists in the … Continue reading Mississippi’s New Flag Design Angers Atheists and Racists Alike

Disney Redesigns ‘It’s a Small World’ as ‘It’s a Big World and We Need to Check Our Biases and Accept Everyone for Their Differences Without Passing Unfair Judgement’

Disney parks in Florida and California announced today that they will be giving the classic Fantasyland ride ‘It’s a Small World’ a complete makeover in order to bring the ride up to speed with modern times. The ride will notably … Continue reading Disney Redesigns ‘It’s a Small World’ as ‘It’s a Big World and We Need to Check Our Biases and Accept Everyone for Their Differences Without Passing Unfair Judgement’

Parler App Quickly Becomes #1 Racist Content Repository

Advertised as the answer to free speech suppression on social media, Parler has outpaced every other two-star rated app designed for people who want to share racist, sexist, and homophobic content without repercussions. Parler, which exists as a rejection of … Continue reading Parler App Quickly Becomes #1 Racist Content Repository