The Trump administration announced today that pills filled with shredded money have been added to the official USDA Nutrition Plate at the request of Melania Trump. The First Lady says the president needs to ingest 16 of the money pills a day. “My Donald, he is completely full of shit,” Melania confirmed. “So it is very important that he gets his fiber or he gets cranky and bloated. This is the only way I could get him to eat it.” Photo by Lisa Yarost
In a more than concerning display, President Trump live tweeted his bowel movement from the Oval Office toilet early this morning.
“Donald J. Trump is up for Best Performance in a Comedy Series that lasts for one term or less.”
“An investigation will show Melania’s knockers were implanted by the Russians to spy on our great nation.”
Democrats are trying to persuade Melania Trump to bring the president to mindblowing climax.
Melania’s emails have been released to the public in an act of transparency.