Without needing a hashtag to trend on Twitter, most Americans with any taste say they were already boycotting the Hallmark Channel by simply scrolling past it in the TV guide. Meanwhile, the remainder of Americans tuning in will be treated to this incredibly fucking diverse schedule today: Advertisements
Executive Producer Kevin Bright says he’s having an impossible time trying to recreate the original unwatchable-ness of the inexplicably popular sitcom Friends. “The show’s popularity was based solely on its blatant mediocrity,” Bright stated. “I can’t, in good conscience, bring myself to direct another group of prattling diversity-void characters who live in one of the most diverse cities in the world.”
Ben Roethlisberger and Sean Spicer will team up for the foreseeable future as partners on Dancing With the Stars. The two will be the first same-sex couple to hit the dance floor in 27 seasons. Despite the incredible height and strength difference, Roethlisberger will be taking on the traditionally female roles for all dance forms and styles as part of the his contract negotiations. Photo credits Gage Skidmore, Jeffrey Beall
“If fans are demanding a complete reshoot of the final season, then I’ve avoided 71 episodes of anticlimactic bullshit.”
Elders of the ASPCA materialized on stage. Cloaked in black hoods, they hovered and waited for Jarmon to sign their commercial contract in her own blood.