“I permanently cut cheese out of my diet,” police officer Damien Stephens stated. “If you’ve never seen a ‘Kraft Singles Cheese Queef Shower,’ I recommend that you keep it that way.”
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South Carolina Gov. Will Fart National Anthem at Super Bowl
South Carolina Governor Henry McMaster announced today that he will be performing the national anthem before the Super Bowl utilizing only his anus. Known for being outspoken – having demanded that everyone stand for the national anthem – McMaster says he’s been practicing for years and can ‘hit every note, low and high.’ In response […]
‘Months of Pegging’ Needed for Brady to Overcome Super Bowl Loss
“The last time that Tom was this upset was after the 31-0 loss to the Bills in 2003.”
Tom Brady on Super Bowl: ‘I Plan to Cheat Again’
“I wouldn’t necessarily call it cheating. That’s not the correct wording,” said Bilichick.
Packers Will Try Out All-Male Cheerleading Squad in Upcoming Season
“This move to male cheerleaders is a conscious effort to push back against female objectific…”
Patriots Players Accuse Tom Brady of Sexual Misconduct
Brady will be given a locker farther away from other players.
Jay Cutler Agrees to Ruin Dolphins’ 2017 Season for $10 Million
With Tannehill likely out for the year, an opening was created for Culter to come in and really disappoint Miami fans…
Washington Redskins Change Mascot to The Negroes
“In lieu of officially being called “The Redskins,” the team has announced – in a short press release – that they will now go by “The Washington…”
Star Quarterback Russell Wilson Announces “Hiatus From the Field”
“I will be abstaining from the locker room, and football i guess, for awhile because God spoke to me and told me that I should stop doing what I’m doing,” said Wilson. ” I told God right then and there that I would..
