“You won’t hear about this, but I burned down the Notre Dame Cathedral,” Beck confirmed live on Fox & Friends. “This was France’s 9/11 and if I weren’t there to see it firsthand, you’d never know it was me: Glenn Beck, a casual, disposable, everyday Islamic terrorist.”
“Papa John’s confirms that Shaq will be allowed to say the N-word at his discretion within his seven contracted advertisements.”
“This isn’t about racism,” Trump stated. “It’s about my tiny dick.”
“I’d be fine if Americans just recited half of the Pledge of Allegiance and then carried on with school or whatever.” – Trump
“The letter went on in vivid detail describing the painting process, preferred makeup brands, how to wash mascara out of your underwear, and more.”
“Now, when I place Sajid in a crouching position behind me I’ll look for a confused expression on the president’s face. Soon thereafter – and here’s where it gets interesting – Sajid will pop out from behind me and…”
“If this will lift the curse from constructing Arrowhead Stadium on an Indian burial ground, then we’re willing to let it slide.” – Chiefs CEO Clark Hunt
Trump is trying to rectify the situation by sending Civil War participation trophies to his seething supporters.
South Carolina Governor Henry McMaster announced today that he will be performing the national anthem before the Super Bowl utilizing only his anus. Known for being outspoken – having demanded that everyone stand for the national anthem – McMaster says he’s been practicing for years and can ‘hit every note, low and high.’ In response […]
The tweet was accompanied by the hashtags #WhiteLivesMatter and #Disgraceful.
“I almost gave up and started drawing patterns in the bubbles, but then I remembered I was voting.”
“If all of this goes according to their godless plan, the Korean Water Ghosts will force us to follow their cultural views or be killed.”
Dawn has sent 5,500 bottles of soap to help clean thousands of Native Americans who are now covered in oil.
“It really comes down to time and resources.”
“Overall, we just want to make everyone feel more welcome and safe at Starbucks.”
Limbaugh was last seen near his home in Palm Beach, FL.
The polls showed a likely win for her, but the results did not reflect that; whatsoever. Now we have a fail-safe and proven reason as to why he managed to become the next President of the United States of America.
“Obviously black people love sports, and that’s why their babies are born during the basketball season, and football, and for those Kenyan blacks – the spring track season,” said Palin.
A new poll by Gallup.com – the most trusted polling organization in the world – has proven that over 60% of National Rifle Association (NRA) members are racist. The study used the NRA database to randomly contact 5,500 of the over 5 million members that the organization boasts. Here are the questions that they asked: […]