After yet another mass shooting today, 73% of Republican parents in America now support background and mental health checks for gun ownership. “It took awhile, but we’ve reached a tipping point,” registered Republican Donna Davis admitted. “Until it happens to one of your own, or you yourself, it’s just unfathomable for us conservatives to empathize. But after 147 school shootings, we’ve all been impacted.” As of press time, experts are trying to find a way for all Republicans to experience poverty, being a minority, and what it’s like to be surrounded by idiots. Photo by Nick Youngson Advertisements
Gun lovers are showing their respect for new rules at stores across the nation by leaving their weapons unattended outside the front doors. At one point, a Walmart in Cypress, Texas had over 250 firearms stacked out front.
With Walmart and Kroger banning open carry in all of their stores, there are now over 25 different grocery chains that have limited people’s gun rights. Gun activists say there’s almost nowhere to use their weapons to kill and eat their food now. “For me it’s a comfort thing. I always shoot my meat before throwing it in the cart,” NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre stated. “You gotta make sure it’s dead before you touch it. Overall, the grocery store is a dangerous place.” With so many food stores banning open carry, many gun owners are afraid that they will no longer be respected in public out of fear alone. “My guns define who I am as a person, and that person is small, scared and insecure,” LaPierre stated. “If people aren’t nervous around me, then I really have no other redeeming qualities. What else am I supposed to do, and where else can gun owners hunt for food? It’s not like there’s some big, open land or forest we can go to.”
Countless firearm fanatics are boycotting Walmart after the company ended some of its ammunition sales and banned customers from walking around the stores with their dicks out guns. Meanwhile, Arby’s hasn’t changed how they’ve been selling ammunition since they opened back in 1964. With Walmart being the number one place to take your sister-from-the-same-mister on a date, radical gun enthusiasts will now have to bring their sibling elsewhere; why not make that place an Arby’s? At Arby’s they roast their beef slower than your kid is going to be – so you know it’s good. So what are you waiting for? Bring your sister to Arby’s and enjoy a Classic Beef ‘n Chedder Meal today. Arby’s: We Have the Meats™ Photo by Mike MozartNot affiliated with Arby’s
Bring your kids in during the school day for some savory seafood as we assault your senses with garlic shrimp scampi, crunchy fiesta shrimp or sesame-ginger grilled shrimp.
“With the amount of mass shootings we’re having, it’s not unreasonable to expect savings of around $4,500 a year.”
The bill, which is entitled the ‘Act Legitimizing Morally Offensive Shootings Today,’ or A.L.M.O.S.T., will place restrictions on those selling guns after 37 mass shootings have taken place in the calendar year.