“With the amount of mass shootings we’re having, it’s not unreasonable to expect savings of around $4,500 a year.”
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Gun Control
Congress Passes Gun Control Law Limiting Mass Shootings to 37 Per Year
The bill, which is entitled the ‘Act Legitimizing Morally Offensive Shootings Today,’ or A.L.M.O.S.T., will place restrictions on those selling guns after 37 mass shootings have taken place in the calendar year.
NRA Partners With Amazon For Same Day Gun Shipping
Amazon says that nearly 90% of Prime members should be able to order a gun and receive it in less than 3 hours.
The NRA Spent Hundreds of Millions of Dollars on Viagra for Executives
“Because you can’t fire a gun in the bedroom, it can be very difficult for our members to achieve an erection without penis pills.”
Banned Bump Stocks Will Be Recycled as Sex Toys, Justice Department Says
“We do strongly prefer that they be handed over as they’ll be repurposed as thrusting devices in sex toys.”
NRA Billboards Encourage Mass Shooters to Become Event Planners Instead
The NRA is utilizing “balloon art guns” and the hashtag #LiterallyDead as part of their marketing.
FOX News Anxiously Awaits Another Tragedy
“I hate to say this folks, but it’s to the point where we may have to make something up.”