Washington, D.C. — In a surprising turn of events on Capitol Hill, conservatives are pushing to pass gun control legislation with the newly proposed H.U.S.H. act. The bill, which would require all guns sold in the United States to be … Continue reading Conservatives Propose Mandatory Silencers To Limit Panic During Mass Shootings
The National Rifle Association says that this Christmas the perfect last minute present for a new baby is a pocket knife. Notably, the announcement is a huge flip-flop after decades of the NRA saying that guns are perfectly safe for … Continue reading NRA Recommends Pocket Knives For Babies This Christmas: ‘Guns Are For Toddlers & Older’
(Milwaukee, WI) Local man James Fielder, who firmly believes that the United States is the best country on the planet, refuses to ever leave his house without bringing at least two guns with him. “I carry these weapons in public … Continue reading Man Who Says US Is Greatest Country On Earth Can’t Step Out Front Door Without Being Armed For Combat
Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell told reporters early this morning that Republicans in Congress plan to introduce a bill that would require all Walmart locations to have a mass shooting condolence card section within the store. “It’s the least we can … Continue reading Republicans Push For ‘Mass Shooting Condolence Cards’ Section In Every Walmart
Texas Governor Greg Abbott announced today that a new law will soon be passed by the state which will fully-arm school staff with everything a school shooter could possibly bring with them during an attack. “You gotta make it a … Continue reading New Texas Law Will Outfit All School Staff With Everything A School Shooter Would Have
After offering no real solutions for mass shootings in America for decades, Republicans have now been tricked into supporting gun control laws after Democrats began calling mass shootings “post-birth abortions” yesterday. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi gave a brief … Continue reading Republicans Tricked Into Supporting Gun Control After Democrats Start Calling Mass Shootings ‘Post-Birth Abortions’
The bill, which is entitled the ‘Act Legitimizing Morally Offensive Shootings Today,’ or A.L.M.O.S.T., will place restrictions on those selling guns after 37 mass shootings have taken place in the calendar year. Continue reading Congress Passes Strict Gun Control Law Limiting Mass Shootings to 37 Per Year
North Carolina Republican Madison Cawthorn told audience members at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) today that the process of going door-to-door to inform Americans about vaccinations could also be used to take citizens’ guns and bibles. Here’s what people … Continue reading North Carolina Representative Cawthorn Says Biden Could Send People Door-To-Door To Confiscate Bibles & Guns
The Center For Disease Control issued a warning today to the American public letting them know that “the same people who enjoy cosplaying as a ‘good-guy-with-a-gun’ are now also pretending that they are vaccinated.” “They are lying again,” head of … Continue reading CDC Warns That People Who Cosplay As Open Carry Heroes Are Now Also Pretending To Be Vaccinated
President Trump took questions regarding Kenosha shooter Kyle Rittenhouse from the press today while in Lake Charles, Louisiana as he was assessing the damage from Category 4 Hurricane Laura. Many are calling what the president said absurd, while others say … Continue reading Trump Says Kyle Rittenhouse’s Only Error Was Not Becoming a Cop First
Black Americans across the country are seriously considering risking their lives by staging an open carry rally outside of the White House. While still in the early planning stages, the group says they would hold the gathering in order to … Continue reading Black Americans are considering trying an open carry rally – just once – to get a gun control bill passed
A group of white supremacists, anti-government militias, extremists – and what we are assuming are some very fine people – gathered today outside of the the capital building in Richmond, Virginia wearing masquerade outfits to protest background checks for purchasing … Continue reading Gun rights activists show stylish side by wearing masquerade ball outfits while carry guns around Virginia’s capital
After yet another mass shooting today, 73% of Republican parents in America now support background and mental health checks for gun ownership. “It took awhile, but we’ve reached a tipping point,” registered Republican Donna Davis admitted. “Until it happens to … Continue reading Enough Republican students have been shot in schools to change gun laws
Gun lovers are showing their respect for new rules at stores across the nation by leaving their weapons unattended outside the front doors. At one point, a Walmart in Cypress, Texas had over 250 firearms stacked out front. Continue reading Respectful gun enthusiasts are leaving their weapons unattended outside of stores
With Walmart and Kroger banning open carry in all of their stores, there are now over 25 different grocery chains that have limited people’s gun rights. Gun activists say there’s almost nowhere to use their weapons to kill and eat … Continue reading 25 grocery store chains ban open carry, leaving gun owners nowhere to hunt for food
Countless firearm fanatics are boycotting Walmart after the company ended some of its ammunition sales and banned customers from walking around the stores with their dicks out guns. Meanwhile, Arby’s hasn’t changed how they’ve been selling ammunition since they opened … Continue reading Boycotting Walmart? Take your sister to Arby’s for your next date instead
Bring your kids in during the school day for some savory seafood as we assault your senses with garlic shrimp scampi, crunchy fiesta shrimp or sesame-ginger grilled shrimp. Continue reading Tired of nonstop mass shootings? Dive-in and take cover at Red Lobster for Endless Shrimp
