When asked by reporters today how he felt about Rick Perry calling him God’s “Chosen One,” president Trump faced cameras at the White House and stated “It’s cute. I think it’s really cute that Rick still thinks there’s a God. If anything, I am God!” The president’s statement caused immediate outrage among religious people of all political leanings, prompting Trump to later tweet out a clarification. The tweet has been deemed offensive by many, but good enough to serve as both an excuse and an apology for today’s Republicans. Advertisements
Authorities have confirmed that Y’all-Qaeda leadership has ties to a Mississippi terror cell referred to as Talabangelicals who are also complete [expletive].
“You won’t hear about this, but I burned down the Notre Dame Cathedral,” Beck confirmed live on Fox & Friends. “This was France’s 9/11 and if I weren’t there to see it firsthand, you’d never know it was me: Glenn Beck, a casual, disposable, everyday Islamic terrorist.”
“Look people, this is ludicrous, Jesus was a white man,” said Kelly.
Trump tweeted and gave approval for the TSA to ban all passengers from flying if they dress like the suspect who is now in detainment.
In a recent video released by the terrorist group ISIS, leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi made a heartfelt, and seemingly confused, yet angry call for action. The terror leader – who was clearly distraught – pretty much yelled at other Muslims, while breaking down and having (for lack of better words) a hissy fit. Here is the transcript: “If all Muslims are terrorists, then there’s a whole lot of lazy Muslims! Look, it’s really not that hard,” uttered al-Baghdadi, “you just make explosives, strap them to yourself, and then go out and detonate around the innocent people. I mean, WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE NOT GETTING!?” ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi concluded, “Look. It’s really not that hard to just believe what you are told – and then just kill everyone. C’mon people!!! The Christians did it before!!!” Check out more stories below – or like our facebook page. It’s like… really fucking important.