All of the porn on the internet is being preserved in this Arctic cave

PornHub CEO Mike Zoffler and countless other companies from the industry have revealed that literally all of the legal pornography on the internet is being stored 375 feet under the Arctic ice in a remote location. Notably, there’s a global treaty to keep the area neutral during times of war; making it an ideal spot for post-apocolyptic release. Meanwhile doomsday preppers call the porn bunker an ideal spot for a massive orgy to repopulate the planet. “Honestly, this is all we’ve been getting ready for,” doomsday guru Aaron Ward stated. “He who survives the end of the world will possess the greatest treasure of all: free access to unlimited porn.” Notably the spank bank looks like something out of a movie, its entrance a phallic obelisk jutting high out of two blinding white orbs. It sparkles with glowing lights and is filled with decades worth of tissues, vibrators, every sex toy known to man, and copious amounts of lube. Advertisements

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Delta flights will play same-sex pornography on repeat for the month of December

YouReadyGrandma

In an apology for cutting out all LGBT sex scenes from Rocketman – the biographical musical film based on the life of musician Elton John – Delta airlines has announced they’ll be playing nothing but gay sex scenes on flights in December. “In-flight entertainment should never be discriminatory,” a Delta spokesperson stated. “So to make up for our error, travelers will now be treated to copious amounts of man-on-man action throughout the holiday season.”

Ted Cruz fights bill banning members of Congress from watching porn at work

The bill was expected to pass unanimously, but has turned into an inexplicable, one-man filibuster by Ted Cruz.

Elon Musk & The Rock Are Costarring in an Adult Film

YouReadyGrandma

“I pulled all of my investments in Elon’s companies halfway into the movie because I was certain he had been [expletive] to death.”

Guys: Here’s Why You Should Let Her Put Stuff in Your Booty

“It’s not like we’re asking them to carry our purses up there – although that would be ideal and hopefully it leads to that.”

Study: Millennials are the First Generation to Not View Pornography for the Plot Line

“These kids aren’t fully investing themselves in the vibrant artistic expression and riveting stories.” – Jane Meyers, Head of Stanford’s Sex & Gender Studies

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