Disgruntled LASIK surgeon might just cut straight through to the brain this time

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A spike in birth control costs is hampering women’s ability to buy mom jeans

YouReadyGrandma

An industry-wide spike in the price of birth control has bumped the average monthly cost from $47 up to $125, forcing many women to have to choose between a pill that prevents pregnancy and a hideous article of clothing that prevents pregnancy. “Unless Congress can make some major changes to our healthcare system, I don’t see the prescription price dropping anytime soon,” reproductive physician Sarah Simmons stated. “Luckily, mom jeans are cost-effective over time and a perfect substitute for birth control. The high-waisted, straight-legged style provides a truly un-fuckable look.”

500 Planned Parenthood-Pizza Hut Express® chains are opening across the US

YouReadyGrandma

After announcing a new partnership with Planned Parenthood, PepsiCo. is temporarily closing over 500 Taco Bell – Pizza Hut Express® restaurants to renovate the establishments into Planned Parenthood – Pizza Hut Express® reproductive health and pizza chains. “We’ll be offering the full Pizza Hut menu, 24-hour drive-thru birth control pickup – and if you come inside – an assorted condom buffet,” Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards stated. Pizza Hut drivers will also take care of birth control delivery with the company guaranteeing a 30-minute delivery or any resulting abortion is free. The new partnership comes with the slogan “We deliver so you don’t have to®.” Photo credit Mike Mozart

Surgeons Will No Longer Be Required To Take Naps Halfway Through Operations

YouReadyGrandma

Now it’s possible to avoid having to pay a doctor for their time spent curled up on the operating table next to your barely-clothed, unconscious body.

U.S. Stops Development of Genetically-Modified, Cybernetic Babies

YouReadyGrandma

An executive order from the desk of President Trump has put an end to genetically-modified, cyborg baby programs.

Republican Bill Blocking Funding for Planned Parenthood Aborted on US Senate Floor

YouReadyGrandma

“We know it is hard for Mr. McConnell to have to abort the bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats are truly supportive of the decision.”

Radical Religious Group “Y’all-Qaeda” Bans Abortion in Alabama

YouReadyGrandma

Authorities have confirmed that Y’all-Qaeda leadership has ties to a Mississippi terror cell referred to as Talabangelicals who are also complete [expletive].

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