500 Planned Parenthood-Pizza Hut Express® chains are opening across the US

After announcing a new partnership with Planned Parenthood, PepsiCo. is temporarily closing over 500 Taco Bell – Pizza Hut Express® restaurants to renovate the establishments into Planned Parenthood – Pizza Hut Express® reproductive health and pizza chains. “We’ll be offering the full Pizza Hut menu, 24-hour drive-thru birth control pickup – and if you come inside – an assorted condom buffet,” Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards stated. Pizza Hut drivers will also take care of birth control delivery with the company guaranteeing a 30-minute delivery or any resulting abortion is free. The new partnership comes with the slogan “We deliver so you don’t have to®.” Photo credit Mike Mozart Advertisements

Advertisements

Surgeons Will No Longer Be Required To Take Naps Halfway Through Operations

YouReadyGrandma

Now it’s possible to avoid having to pay a doctor for their time spent curled up on the operating table next to your barely-clothed, unconscious body.

U.S. Stops Development of Genetically-Modified, Cybernetic Babies

YouReadyGrandma

An executive order from the desk of President Trump has put an end to genetically-modified, cyborg baby programs.

Republican Bill Blocking Funding for Planned Parenthood Aborted on US Senate Floor

YouReadyGrandma

“We know it is hard for Mr. McConnell to have to abort the bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats are truly supportive of the decision.”

Radical Religious Group “Y’all-Qaeda” Bans Abortion in Alabama

YouReadyGrandma

Authorities have confirmed that Y’all-Qaeda leadership has ties to a Mississippi terror cell referred to as Talabangelicals who are also complete [expletive].

Most of Denver’s Population is in It’s 30th Hour of Tripping Balls Since Mushrooms Were Decriminalized

YouReadyGrandma

Due to the lack of legal consequences, throngs of hallucinating residents have congregated downtown at the 16th Street Mall to touch each other’s faces.

Massive Opium Fields to Be Burned Off in Wisconsin After Monsanto-Bayer Merger Fails

YouReadyGrandma

“Now it looks like we’re going to have to burn off about 16 square miles of mature opium crop. So if you live in the area, buckle the [expletive] up on Saturday.”