Tennessee Republicans made moves today to ensure that the state will no longer be advocating for children to get vaccinated – not just for COVID, but for any diseases – such as HPV, polio and measles. Health experts are saying … Continue reading Tennessee GOP Okays Infanticide Via Polio & Measles By Stopping All Vaccine Outreach For Children
A day after it was announced that both the CDC and FDA do not think a third COVID shot is necessary, Pfizer employees were spotted in back alleys across the nation trying to sell the company’s now huge surplus of … Continue reading Pfizer Caught Peddling Surplus Of Unwanted Booster Vaccines In Nation’s Back Alleys
A new anti-abortion bill is close to becoming law in Texas after it passed 83-64 in the House yesterday. Senate Bill 8 would allow doctors to halt the hearts of pregnant women while they check to see if the fetus … Continue reading Texas Law Would Allow Doctors To Stop Mother’s Heartbeat In Order To Listen For Fetus’
(Orlando, FL) Disney World guests breathed a collective sigh of relief today as it was confirmed that the coronavirus would not be entering the gates of the world-famous amusement park. The news broke just moments ago when the virus itself … Continue reading Disney World to Remain COVID-Free After Virus Admits It ‘Can’t Justify the Cost of a Day Pass’
A recent study published by Princeton reveals that approximately 31% of Americans are not smart enough to understand how a virus spreads, why they should be wearing masks, or how their reckless behavior is forcing states to re-close businesses. “Not … Continue reading Study: 1 in 3 Americans Too Stupid to Help Fight Pandemic
President Trump has referred to COVID-19 as the ‘Kung Flu,’ ‘Wuhan Virus,’ and the ‘Chinese virus,’ but now the script has been flipped as the General Assembly of the United Nations voted today to begin officially calling coronavirus the ‘Trump … Continue reading The UN is Now Officially Calling COVID-19 the ‘Trump Virus’
A source from the White House confirmed today that the staff is making desperate attempts to get president Trump to take the COVID-19 pandemic seriously. Just this morning White House aides grabbed a marker and a piece of paper and … Continue reading Staffers Add Dollar Sign, Comma & Three Zeroes to Death Toll in Attempt to Get Trump to Take Virus Seriously
Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer announced this afternoon that president Donald Trump has been banned from her state. The announcement comes hours after Trump broke state law by not wearing a face mask during his visit to a Michigan Ford plant … Continue reading Michigan Bans Trump, Revokes ‘Man of The Year’ Award
(Franklin, WI) Having just been picked up by a despondent 34-year-old in a depressed haze, this 30-count bottle of Lexapro has no fucking clue what it’s gotten itself into. Continue reading Bottle of Antidepressants in Way Over Its Head
Researchers are reporting that early trials with the drug chloroform have been successful in preventing the spread of COVID-19 by people refusing to follow social distancing rules. “The scientific community is optimistic that chloroform can help to subdue people who … Continue reading Chloroform Drug Trials Prove Successful in Subduing Those Refusing to Socially Distance
A group of over 200 immunology experts from around the world released a letter today begging Americans to “keep a safe distance of at least six channels from Fox News.” The letter listed several reasons for for the warning. “Fox … Continue reading Medical Experts Recommend Staying at Least 6 Channels Away From Fox News
Lines, foot traffic, parking, and people have now become reasonable at Costco locations across the country thanks to a nationwide boycott of the chain by idiots who refuse to follow the store’s mask-wearing requirement. Costco says the boycott has ‘undoubtedly … Continue reading Costco: ‘Mask Boycott Has Undoubtedly Improved the Quality of Our Clientele’
God is facing criticism from Trump and his supporters after the president issued an angry, ranting, hour-long address on the National Day of Prayer that repeatedly trashed the deity for allowing the Coronavirus to get out of control. “Dear big … Continue reading Furious Trump Unloads On God for ‘Allowing Coronavirus to Get Out of Control’
Sporting vibrant red lipstick and holding up signs offering free kisses, countless protesters in Huntington Beach, California and Springfield, Illinois completely ignored government social distancing rules over the weekend by gathering together and passionately planting kisses on one another. “This … Continue reading Protesters Set Up ‘COVID Kissing Booths’ in the Face of Government Warnings
Experts at the World Health Organization (WHO) released a pointed statement today revealing that they hope to open all Americans up to COVID-19 facts and teach them basic reasoning skills by early June – with the end goal being to … Continue reading Experts Say They Hope to Open America Up to Facts, Reason By Early June
(Rochester, MN) The Mayo Clinic medical center announced today that it is weighing the pros and cons of offering non-mayonnaise-based treatments for the first time in their 156 years of operation. “After reporting zero breakthroughs in our COVID-19 testing labs … Continue reading Mayo Clinic Considering Using Something Other Than Mayonnaise to Treat Patients
An in-depth study by the University of California-Berkeley revealed today that the number of Americans who drown in a swimming pool last year far surpassed the amount of people who have ever received any helpful advice from Dr. Phil. “In … Continue reading Study: More Americans Drown in Swimming Pools Last Year Than Have Ever Received Useful Advice From Dr. Phil
Just three days after retweeting a call for Dr. Anthony Fauci’s removal, Donald Trump made the firing official today by axing the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. The president’s decision was announced Thursday afternoon immediately … Continue reading Fauci Out, Undertaker In: Trump Replaces Head Immunologist With Pro Wrestling Legend
