An executive order from the desk of President Trump has put an end to genetically-modified, cyborg baby programs.
“We know it is hard for Mr. McConnell to have to abort the bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats are truly supportive of the decision.”
Authorities have confirmed that Y’all-Qaeda leadership has ties to a Mississippi terror cell referred to as Talabangelicals who are also complete [expletive].
Due to the lack of legal consequences, throngs of hallucinating residents have congregated downtown at the 16th Street Mall to touch each other’s faces.
“Now it looks like we’re going to have to burn off about 16 square miles of mature opium crop. So if you live in the area, buckle the [expletive] up on Saturday.”
“Remember, we’re only talking about girth. So if you wanted to tape 7 oversized grapefruits together and play hide the citrus in your [expletive], you could absolutely do that.” Secretary Alex Azar stated.
“If friendship and odors don’t matter to you, then you could really get in great shape.”
“Wrap the baby beautifully in a flour tortilla and toss it in the oven,” Trump stated while wiping saliva from his chin. “If you do all of that, then maybe I take a little bite. A nibble. I don’t know. I don’t know.”
The 1,750 calorie meal has made its return for the month of February only.
“We’re giving new mothers 24 hours off, 8 of which will be paid. That leaves plenty of time for doing Kegels.”
“It will sound like an airplane is taking off inside of the user’s vagina,” iBort creator Justin Swartzky stated.
“The president had been taking Viagra six times a day – one pill with every meal.” – Rudy Giuliani
“If you are going to pick one, pick bulimia. That’s all we’re saying here.”
Those who take prescription drugs made by Pfizer will not be able to notice the difference.
‘The number of homeless veterans wheeling hundreds of gallons of gasoline through bustling urban centers could be a huge safety problem.’
Female researches have remained cold and distant, uninterested in helping to solve this growing problem.
“I absolutely loathe flu season,” stated Comcast CEO Brian L. Roberts.