Spirit Airlines, renowned for their inventive fee structures, has introduced an up-charge for the inspection and tightening of aircraft panels. This latest addition to their fees aims to “provide passengers with the ultimate sense of security.” Dubbed the “Panel Assurance … Continue reading Spirit Airlines Adds Fee For Inspecting & Tightening Panels in Your Row
Jeff Bezos has filed a lawsuit against his ex-wife and fellow billionaire MacKenzie Scott claiming that her frequent, substantial donations to charities around the world are making him look greedy. Bezos says he will “spare no expense” in his efforts … Continue reading Jeff Bezos Sues Ex-Wife MacKenzie Scott After Her Huge Donations ‘Make Him Look Bad’
Numbers released today by the American Yachting Association reveal that a record amount of ‘superyachts’ were sold last year in the United States. Economists and the super rich alike say this is a sign that the American poor and middle … Continue reading Jeff Bezos: Record Number Of ‘Superyachts’ Sold Last Year Shows America’s Poor & Middle Class Still Know Their Fucking Place
Multiple reports from Washington D.C. and West Virginia residents are beginning to show a clear pattern of senator Joe Manchin holding up lines at gas stations while he plays $1 scratch tickets. What makes things take even longer is Manchin’s … Continue reading Joe Manchin Regularly Holds Up Lines At Gas Stations While Playing $1 Scratchers
The long-running, popular American TV game show Wheel of Fortune has updated its iconic wheel by replacing the ‘Bankruptcy’ slot with ‘DEATH.’ Due to the changes, players will now have a 1 in 24 chance of being executed by host … Continue reading Wheel Of Fortune Adds ‘Death Slot’ After Seeing Success Of Squid Game
Despite being president for four years, Donald Trump made it clear today that he still doesn’t know how the US government operates. Trump is livid that Brett Kavanaugh – who he nominated to the position of Supreme Court justice – … Continue reading Trump Only Aware Of His Own System Of (Bounced) Checks & (Negative Account) Balances
Sources are reporting that billionaire Richard Branson quickly became bored with today’s space flight just seconds after passengers began experiencing weightlessness. “The spaceship was at the top of its flight path, 50-plus miles high, suspended in weightlessness while allowing the … Continue reading Unimpressed: Richard Branson Said He Was ‘Over Space’ Only Seconds Into Weightlessness
35-year-old James Dewatt of Peoria, Illinois finally forgot about the emptiness and boredom that he’s been feeling for months on end today when he was fired from his job. Dewatt says losing his job immediately changed his state of mind. … Continue reading Financial Crisis Exactly What Man Needed To Forget About Crushing Emptiness & Boredom
A study released by Harvard University today revealed that of the top 100 wealthiest Americans, nearly 90% claimed that they were either “close” or “very close” to liking the United States enough to start paying taxes. “As our wealth swells, … Continue reading Study: Wealthiest Americans ‘Extremely Close’ To Liking Country Enough To Pay Taxes
Senator Marco Rubio sent out an angry tweet today in which he flip-flopped the description of Marxism with that of capitalism. “Marxism divides people into oppressors or victims…” Rubio wrote. “Those in charge of the system then seize complete power … Continue reading Man Who Hates Marxism Still Too Angry To Look Up What It Is
Despite having already accumulated over $188 billion in wealth, an amendment has been added to legislation in the US Senate that will allow Jeff Bezos to receive another $10 billion from NASA — money that will most likely go directly toward … Continue reading ‘C’mon Jeff, Do You Really Need Another $10 Billion?’ Bezos Asks Himself Before Slowly Grinning, Laughing Maniacally In Mirror
Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos is stepping down from his position in order to enter rehab for a severe case of money addiction and to help stop an ongoing identity crisis. Those close to Bezos say that for years the billionaire … Continue reading Jeff Bezos Enters Rehab For Money Addiction & Identity Crisis After Stepping Down As Amazon CEO
Former richest man in the world Elon Musk was overtaken today by Reddit user dildo_swaggins69 after the amateur investor managed to turn investments in Gamestop, AMC, and Dogecoin into more than $277 billion over the course of a week. When … Continue reading Elon Musk Loses ‘Richest Person In The World’ Title To dildo_swaggins69
A source from the White House confirmed today that the staff is making desperate attempts to get president Trump to take the COVID-19 pandemic seriously. Just this morning White House aides grabbed a marker and a piece of paper and … Continue reading Staffers Add Dollar Sign, Comma & Three Zeroes to Death Toll in Attempt to Get Trump to Take Virus Seriously
With more than 30 million people having filed for unemployment since mid-March, and countless more Americans having a hard time making ends meet, president Trump told reporters today that those in need of assistance should simply ask their dad for … Continue reading Trump Says Americans Should ‘Just Ask Their Dad’ For Rent Money
Members of Congress revealed today that they had forgotten to sign their insufficient joke of a stimulus bill with a sincere ‘Fuck You’ in order to make the document as transparent as possible. “With a few simple votes we will … Continue reading Congress Revisits Stimulus Bill After Forgetting to Sign it With a Sincere ‘Fuck You’ To American Citizens
