Conservatives Eat More Fast Food, Are Fatter — Here’s Why

As walking billboards for work ethic, conservatives add relish to hotdogs as they salivate over the notion of countless 80-hour work weeks to pay for an ambulance ride. Continue reading Conservatives Eat More Fast Food, Are Fatter — Here’s Why

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Porn Bill in Senate Ted Cruz Mitch McConnell

Bill Preventing Members of Congress From Watching Porn at Work Stalls in the Senate

After procedural introduction of the bill, Ted Cruz (R-TX) immediately shouted, “Permission to speak freely!?” in an echoing, emotional, yet somehow guttural and primal tone. Continue reading Bill Preventing Members of Congress From Watching Porn at Work Stalls in the Senate

Fans in Section 129 at NFL Game Engage in Reasonable Discourse Regarding Colin Kaepernick

Citing differing opinions regarding Freedom of Speech as found in the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, fans in section 129 of the Carolina Panthers vs. San Francisco 49ers game spent the 12-minute halftime respectfully debating the merits of free speech in relation to patriotism. Continue reading Fans in Section 129 at NFL Game Engage in Reasonable Discourse Regarding Colin Kaepernick

Trump Blasts Green Energy, Obama for ‘Unseasonably Dark Day’

“When you get a maniac like Obama. Okay. And he is, he really is. Then you end up with days like today,” Trump stated while pointing toward the only side of the room without any windows. Continue reading Trump Blasts Green Energy, Obama for ‘Unseasonably Dark Day’