The bill was expected to pass unanimously, but has turned into an inexplicable, one-man filibuster by Ted Cruz.
USA
Special Olympics Revokes Betsy DeVos’ Participation Trophies
“We’re not saying that blind people should encircle DeVos and beat her with their white canes,” the statement read. “But we’re not, not saying it either.”
Nervous Voters Voice Concern Over Correct Ballot Answer Always Being (D)
“I almost gave up and started drawing patterns in the bubbles, but then I remembered I was voting.”
Olympic Figure Skater Disowned After Coming Out as Straight
Team refuses to speak to straight, male figure skater. #WinterOlympics
Jack Daniel’s to Use ‘What Would Jesus Do’ Acronym
The world’s top U.S. whiskey gets an ‘offensive’ marketing overhaul.
Fans in Section 129 at NFL Game Engage in Reasonable Discourse Regarding Colin Kaepernick
Citing differing opinions regarding Freedom of Speech as found in the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, fans in section 129 of the Carolina Panthers vs. San Francisco 49ers game spent the 12-minute halftime respectfully debating the merits of free speech in relation to patriotism.
North Korea Accidentally Nukes Itself
The North Korean leader then flipped open a glass-encased red button, pressed it, and was immediately torn apart – along with the rest of his country – by a faulty nuclear missile.