Jeffrey Epstein’s former right hand woman, Ghislaine Maxwell, who is accused of helping Mr. Epstein sexually abuse countless girls as young as 14, was accidentally lobotomized at the Merrimack County Jail today. The tragic mishap took place when Maxwell’s files were somehow switched and she was confused with a psychiatric ward prisoner scheduled for a lobotomy. Authorities from Merrimack County are calling the incident an “unbelievably terrible case of mistaken identity” and “incredibly poor timing” as the lobotomy procedure was the first in the state since the 1950’s. The operation has left Maxwell unable to move or speak. “We know what it looks like, but it’s not what you think” a statement from the county read. “Unfortunately we’ll never be able to show you exactly what happened because the video surveillance cameras were not functioning properly throughout the facility.” Notably, nobody in the Merrimack County Jail had noticed the catastrophic error until a guard hired by Donald Trump to kill Maxwell reported that he couldn’t find her in her cell.