Authorities list gunpowder, Sudafed, oregano, ammonium nitrate fertilizer, paint thinner and celery salt as some of the ingredients.
“It’s Adam and Summer’s Eve, not Ben and Jerry; although, some Victoria’s Secret and Lane Bryant experimentation sounds intriguing,” Trump tweeted.
“In one of the 127 boxes customers will find a serial number,” Cook stated. “That is the number they will enter online; unlocking the ability to purchase the instruction manual for putting the device together.”
“There’s no better way to seem interesting than with a story about the time you were held at gunpoint by the East Harlem crew for wearing the wrong color romper.”
According to their website, Mufflr is being funded by powerful lesbians Ellen Degeneres and Hillary Clinton.
“Now it looks like we’re going to have to burn off about 16 square miles of mature opium crop. So if you live in the area, buckle the [expletive] up on Saturday.”
Tostitos describes their new Extreme Mild Clear Salsa for White People® as being a thick, gelatinous substance for those with genetic spice sensitivities.
“Someone from that festival will be having an unwanted child that babbles bullshit for years; so when that happens, I highly recommend they name it Kanye.”
“Watch for the return of Toys “R” Trump, chains of Trumpback Steakhouse, Trumpley-Donaldson motorcycles and Old Trumpy Buffet.” – Sarah Huckabee Sanders