Recent studies reveal that nearly 20% of flight attendants saying they’ve received reports of passenger-on-passenger sexual assault on a flight and 68% have been sexually harassed themselves. If you’re keeping up with the times, you should already know that there are certain things men can no longer do with their genitals on an airplane. Here are 5 things that aren’t acceptable to do with your penis on a plane in 2020. 1. Although plastic stirrers and straws are frowned up in today’s green culture, never stir your drink with your penis while on a flight. 2. Don’t shave your balls on the tray table. Sometimes it’s hard to find time to check off personal care items from your to-do list, but creating multiple, mini-tumbleweeds of pubes that will fly throughout the cabin for the duration of the flight is frowned upon today. 3. Never dress your penis up as your emotional support pet by giving it a red vest and gluing hair, ears, and googly eyes to it and then proceed to pull your dick out on your lap and pet it. 4. Stir your neighbor’s drink. 5. Slap seated passengers in the face with your penis as you walk down the aisle to your seat. Advertisements
In an apology for cutting out all LGBT sex scenes from Rocketman – the biographical musical film based on the life of musician Elton John – Delta airlines has announced they’ll be playing nothing but gay sex scenes on flights in December. “In-flight entertainment should never be discriminatory,” a Delta spokesperson stated. “So to make up for our error, travelers will now be treated to copious amounts of man-on-man action throughout the holiday season.”
In a move that will reduce their plastic waste by 30%, Marriott International announced that their hotels will no longer provide single-use toiletry bottles for guests to steal. Instead, as part of a company-wide green initiative, Marriott says they will put out reusable, 36-ounce pump-action shampoo and conditioner bottles. Photo Credit Karen Bryan
President Trump wants to use nukes like they’re Flex Tape. A leaked memo from the White House depicts President Trump asking staffers to look into using “micro nukes” inside Trump National Doral Miami resort to clear out bedbugs back in 2017. An official statement from the White House denied the exchange ever happened. Meanwhile, President Trump praised the idea. “Whoever came up with the micro nukes idea is likely a genius,” Trump grinned. “And I’m not saying it was me, but it could have been folks. It could have been.”
Upon boarding planes over the weekend, customers immediately noticed that there were no seatbelts.
“We’re asking that all passengers take a look in overhead storage and under their seats to avoid crushing the reptiles and to assist in their capture.”