In an apology for cutting out all LGBT sex scenes from Rocketman – the biographical musical film based on the life of musician Elton John – Delta airlines has announced they’ll be playing nothing but gay sex scenes on flights in December. “In-flight entertainment should never be discriminatory,” a Delta spokesperson stated. “So to make up for our error, travelers will now be treated to copious amounts of man-on-man action throughout the holiday season.” Advertisements
In a move that will reduce their plastic waste by 30%, Marriott International announced that their hotels will no longer provide single-use toiletry bottles for guests to steal. Instead, as part of a company-wide green initiative, Marriott says they will put out reusable, 36-ounce pump-action shampoo and conditioner bottles. Photo Credit Karen Bryan
President Trump wants to use nukes like they’re Flex Tape. A leaked memo from the White House depicts President Trump asking staffers to look into using “micro nukes” inside Trump National Doral Miami resort to clear out bedbugs back in 2017. An official statement from the White House denied the exchange ever happened. Meanwhile, President Trump praised the idea. “Whoever came up with the micro nukes idea is likely a genius,” Trump grinned. “And I’m not saying it was me, but it could have been folks. It could have been.”
Upon boarding planes over the weekend, customers immediately noticed that there were no seatbelts.
“We’re asking that all passengers take a look in overhead storage and under their seats to avoid crushing the reptiles and to assist in their capture.”
“There’s no better way to seem interesting than with a story about the time you were held at gunpoint by the East Harlem crew for wearing the wrong color romper.”