Since Starbucks released its Pumpkin Spice latte back in 2003 Americans have recycled the same tired jokes about basic bitch valley girls, UGG boots, North Face vests and sucking down concentrated type-2 diabetes. Scientists now say that after 16 years … Continue reading After 16 years everyone can shut the fuck up about pumpkin spice, scientists say
American meat company Oscar Meyer has plunged its toes into the dairy dessert world with their release of ice cream-filled hotdogs. Marketed as ‘Vanilla Squirters’ the odd treat hit store shelves this week. What do you think? Continue reading Disturbing Oscar Mayer ice cream-filled hotdogs leak vanilla out of their tips
“Maybe it’ll actually be good enough to win an award this time.” – Will Ferrell Continue reading Will Ferrell & Brad Pitt Will Star in a Remake of Boyz n the Hood
Authorities are calling Chris Brown’s new album Indigo “32 tracks of incriminating evidence” which relate to 14 new assualt allegations against the artist. Continue reading Chris Brown Recorded Real Domestic Violence to Create Percussion Tracks on New Album
“In one of the 127 boxes customers will find a serial number,” Cook stated. “That is the number they will enter online; unlocking the ability to purchase the instruction manual for putting the device together.” Continue reading The New Apple Pro Display XDR Comes in 127 Parts, Each Sold Separately
“If fans are demanding a complete reshoot of the final season, then I’ve avoided 71 episodes of anticlimactic bullshit.” Continue reading Most Americans Happy Game of Star Wars is Over
Elders of the ASPCA materialized on stage. Cloaked in black hoods, they hovered and waited for Jarmon to sign their commercial contract in her own blood. Continue reading Sarah McLachlan Passes The Curse of The Arms of The Angel on to Maelyn Jarmon Live on The Voice
“Because of the extreme food poisoning, Kim has also experienced dramatic silicone loss in the [expletive], lip and breast regions.” Continue reading Kim Kardashian Sues Jack in the Box Over Explosive Diarrhea
“We totally nixed three scenes where Dwayne Johnson would’ve been firing his gun at a bunch of hippos for absolutely no reason.” Continue reading Disney’s Jungle Cruise Movie is Finally PC Enough to Film After 13 Years of Rewrites
“Overall, I’d give the movie 5-stars,” Kellner stated. Continue reading Local Man Uses Catheter So He Doesn’t Miss Any Part of Avengers: Endgame
“Gates oozes with a sultry sex appeal that culminates in a passionate, 12-minute lovemaking scene with the masked hero Batman who is played by Apple CEO Tim Cook.” Continue reading Bill Gates Stars as Catwoman in Highly-Anticipated Film
“I’ll be watching the donation basket like a hawk as it goes around. You toss a $20 in there and you better believe I’m throwing a few extra sassy swings in your direction during the pot parade.” Continue reading Local Priest Hopes Replacing Incense with Marijuana Goes Over Well
“Papa John’s confirms that Shaq will be allowed to say the N-word at his discretion within his seven contracted advertisements.” Continue reading Failing Papa John’s Hires Shaquille O’Neal to Eat Most of Their Pizzas
“Anyone who purchases a drink can get a free tattoo from our baristas this weekend.” Continue reading Starbucks is Offering FREE Tattoos This Weekend
“Sqoobz aren’t comfortable to wear by any means. Your tits will be flopping around in there.” – Victoria’s Secret CEO Jan Singer Continue reading Victoria’s Secret: Cube-Shaped Bras and Breasts Are ‘Trend of The Future’
“I pulled all of my investments in Elon’s companies halfway into the movie because I was certain he had been [expletive] to death.” Continue reading Elon Musk & The Rock Are Costarring in an Adult Film
Being unable to spell is no longer considered a ‘dealbreaker’ among most Americans. Continue reading Can’t Spell? No Problem: Dating App Users Are Attracted to Partners Who Can’t Spell
“This bendable phone comes with all of the same features as the Galaxy Fold, but the device can only be folded in half one time,” Samsung CEO Kim Suk stated. Continue reading Samsung Announces its Cheaper, Single-Use Galaxy 1-Fold
