According to a recent Gallop poll, less than 1 in 3 employed Americans say they’re involved in, enthusiastic about, or committed to their work or workplace. What do you think?
In perhaps his boldest move in years, Russian president Vladimir Putin admitted today that he had placed a bounty on the heads of American troops in Afghanistan. The cavalier admission comes less than a day after Russia vehemently denied the accusations. “What does it really matter at this point? There are too many strings attached to America’s so-called leader,” Putin stated. “that orange puppet won’t do shit.” When reached for a statement, the Trump administration said that it “will be responding to Putin’s shocking claims just as soon as Russia provides the official talking points.”
A 73-year-old former frozen steak salesman is having a surprisingly hard time running an entire country despite having been a reality TV host. What do you think?
“If this will lift the curse from constructing Arrowhead Stadium on an Indian burial ground, then we’re willing to let it slide.” – Chiefs CEO Clark Hunt
Republicans began Saturday’s impeachment hearing by allowing the president to enter the chamber, drape an American flag on the Senate floor, drop his pants, shuffle his body over the flag, and take a sizable shit. The spectacle took place while ‘America the Beautiful’ played over the speaker system. Experts are calling the president’s poop both a “power move” and “a solid representation of the Republican legal defense.” Within minutes the smell of feces in the room became so unbearable that McConnell had a staffer locate a lighter. The Senator then set the flag aflame while blaming Democrats for the unbearably rank odor.
In a measured, peaceful, yet offensive response to attacks on US troops in Iraq, president Trump ordered the Air Force to drop over a billion tons of bacon dust over Iran’s capital city of Tehran. “With pork being the only meat that absolutely may not be consumed by Muslims, we’ve made certain that everyone in that city has inhaled or ingested the crispy pig dust,” president Trump grinned. Photo credit Kevin Stanchfield
“The $85 billion we save a year will go toward green energy, education, infrastructure and ending homelessness in America.”