Team refuses to speak to straight, male figure skater. #WinterOlympics
“I hate to say this folks, but it’s to the point where we may have to make something up.”
Law now outlaws sale of guns in America.
The president’s internal struggle has become quite tangible. #MindOverMatter
Doctors have voiced concerns over the ingestion of coal by minors.
Samsung Soft: Televisions You Can Beat the Living **** Out Of.
“I wouldn’t necessarily call it cheating. That’s not the correct wording,” said Bilichick.
Female researches have remained cold and distant, uninterested in helping to solve this growing problem.
“Our first guideline for all users is that you cannot use nude photos in your profile, so that was strike one.”
“I absolutely loathe flu season,” stated Comcast CEO Brian L. Roberts.
A handheld digital pet hailing from Japan, the Tamagotchi was a needy electronic animal that…
“As the Supreme Court of Alabama is the highest court in America, we will be continuing our fight on another path.”
“This will allow every single employee to move up the ladder and manage their own McDonald’s.”
“Look people, this is ludicrous, Jesus was a white man,” said Kelly.
Hopes are high for this sequel as the original 1997 hit raked in over $1.5 billion worldwide.
Limbaugh was last seen near his home in Palm Beach, FL.
“We estimate that he was out cold with water in his lungs for about 2 minutes.”
“I’m going to be SO transparent that you will be like: ‘Hey! Where is he? Where did Donald go!?’
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Our thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who wants to purchase more military-grade weapons.
In an emotional response, U.S. President Donald Trump has tweeted a well-thought-out message to the world regarding the alarming missile launch today over Japan:
Trump tweeted and gave approval for the TSA to ban all passengers from flying if they dress like the suspect who is now in detainment.
“Volvo states that “physically, the cars will be exactly the same as current models; however…”
“When you get a maniac like Obama. Okay. And he is, he really is. Then you end up with days like today,” Trump stated while pointing toward the only side of the room without any windows.
“I would always tell him that it’s not a good idea to eat a ‘snack’ before, during, and after each hole at one of his world-renowned golf courses,” sadly…
Formerly an archeologist in the early 19th century, Melania unearthed Donald in Egypt back in 1909.
President Donald Trump used a morning staff meeting today to address leaks that have plagued his administration since day one. In an impassioned speech, the President touched on many topics – concluding with the implementation of a strict ‘No Farting’ policy. The new White House rule was accidentally released to the media by Press Secretary…
In a timely press release the Wright Brothers, who invented flight, said “This isn’t what we intended. We only overbooked as a joke when racist aunt Karen wanted to visit, and she wasn’t technically, completely white.” Thank you for reading our latest informative news article. Check out more stories below – or like our Facebook…
“Schwarzenegger was also not ‘carrying a backpack,’ he was actually strapped in to a military-grade jet pack.”
Here are key ways to minimize the negative impact of such websites.
“What would you say to those around the world who are afraid of your leadership” – Trump paused, took a deep breath, and began:
The tweet was accompanied by the hashtags #WhiteLivesMatter and #Disgraceful.
Obama backtracks on promise to spare the lives of innocent turkeys named Tater and Tot – ruining a longstanding American tradition.
Tallest first lady ever lifts President Obama in famous tradition.
Californians may have unknowingly gotten a lot of small children incredibly high.
A little known fact about our eight-foot-six-inch-tall first lady Michelle Obama is that she uses her phenomenally long and powerful arms to rescue cats and kittens that get stuck in Washington D.C. metropolitan area trees. Hovering at just over 8’6″, and being the tallest woman in the world, the first lady said that she felt…
The polls showed a likely win for her, but the results did not reflect that; whatsoever. Now we have a fail-safe and proven reason as to why he managed to become the next President of the United States of America.
There is, in fact, a 5th hijacked plan from 9/11 that is still flying above our borders, with hostages. Let that sink in, because I know I had to as well. Let’s just pause to think about that.”
BREAKING: (D.C.) In an unprecedented judicial move, the United States Supreme Court has just used its power to halt the 2016 Presidential election on the grounds of an obscure, little-known, yet legitimate measure found in The U.S. Constitution. With one seat still vacant in the court, the 8-0 vote passed in the late hours of…
“Obviously black people love sports, and that’s why their babies are born during the basketball season, and football, and for those Kenyan blacks – the spring track season,” said Palin.
Leading scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) are saying that a large portion of Americans need to hit the reset button on their brains. The problem has gotten so bad that scientists fear many people can’t actually see how different things can be interconnected, or conversely, completely unrelated. “The human brain is not…
With a strong, seasonal depression quickly approaching, many Americans are considering staying home for the 4th of July weekend. Indeed, most experts agree that due to the severity of the looming depression – staying home, locking the doors, and hunkering down might be the wisest decision. “For me, it looks like the depression will be…
***BREAKING*** (Washington D.C.) The Republican National Committee is openly taking responsibility for the death of front runner presidential candidate Donald Trump. Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, immediately spoke out about the decision to kill the candidate. “We feel a loss. There’s no doubt about it,” stated Ryan. “We have hundreds of thousands – millions…
With Senator Ted Cruz dropping out, John Kasich is the only hope for the Republican establishment. Here’s how he can still win…
(Boston, MA) In what can only be called shocking, Massachusetts legislators have passed a law that bans homophobic people from using bathrooms. The law, which will take effect on Monday, has some people – for lack of a better term – pissed off.
(New York, NY) It appears that the wife-bashing has returned to the Republican campaign for presidency with Donald Trump and Ted Cruz shooting a barrage of horrific insults back and forth. It all started with another tweet from Trump…
After weeks of back-and-forth rhetoric, Hillary Clinton has finally agreed to debate Bernie Sanders. The Hillary Clinton/DNC Campaign has generously offered several dates, times, and locations for the two to clash – including some specific rules. Option #1: During the NCAA Championship game on April 4th, 2016. Debate Rules: The debate cannot begin before the…
American psychologists assessed IQ’s of Presidential Candidates #jeopardy