5 Things Rural Americans Can Do While They Wait For Netflix™ To Buffer

There are plenty of ways to pass the time in rural America while you wait for your streaming services to buffer – and none of them will break the bank! These cheap, tried and true solutions can be a great … Continue reading 5 Things Rural Americans Can Do While They Wait For Netflix™ To Buffer

Putin Confirms Bounty on US Troops, Says ‘America’s Orange Puppet Won’t Do Shit’

In perhaps his boldest move in years, Russian president Vladimir Putin admitted today that he had placed a bounty on the heads of American troops in Afghanistan. The cavalier admission comes less than a day after Russia vehemently denied the … Continue reading Putin Confirms Bounty on US Troops, Says ‘America’s Orange Puppet Won’t Do Shit’

Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes Gives His MVP Trophy to a Nearby Native American Tribe

“If this will lift the curse from constructing Arrowhead Stadium on an Indian burial ground, then we’re willing to let it slide.” – Chiefs CEO Clark Hunt Continue reading Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes Gives His MVP Trophy to a Nearby Native American Tribe

President Trump poops all over the American flag to begin impeachment defense

Republicans began Saturday’s impeachment hearing by allowing the president to enter the chamber, drape an American flag on the Senate floor, drop his pants, shuffle his body over the flag, and take a sizable shit. The spectacle took place while … Continue reading President Trump poops all over the American flag to begin impeachment defense

Congress Passes Resolution to Completely Ignore Middle East

“The $85 billion we save a year will go toward green energy, education, infrastructure and ending homelessness in America.” Continue reading Congress Passes Resolution to Completely Ignore Middle East

Breaking: ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ Campaign Signs Spotted in Pence Family Home Garage

After following Mike Pence home Sunday night to ask questions about the impeachment hearings, field reporters from FOX News saw something much, much more interesting in the Vice President’s garage: a ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ banner along with several campaign yard signs. … Continue reading Breaking: ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ Campaign Signs Spotted in Pence Family Home Garage

Massive Opium Fields to Be Burned Off in Wisconsin After Monsanto-Bayer Merger Fails

“Now it looks like we’re going to have to burn off about 16 square miles of mature opium crop. So if you live in the area, buckle the [expletive] up on Saturday.” Continue reading Massive Opium Fields to Be Burned Off in Wisconsin After Monsanto-Bayer Merger Fails

Betsy DeVos Removes ‘Appreciation’ From National Teacher Appreciation Day

“At this point teachers must be making, what? $125 thousand a year and they won’t stop complaining?” DeVos stated. “We have to push back against these union thugs who are always striking.” Continue reading Betsy DeVos Removes ‘Appreciation’ From National Teacher Appreciation Day

Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring

“My dreams became littered with terrifying sex monsters that attacked my lesbian lover Barb.” – Elizabeth Warren Continue reading Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring