Schwarzenegger Identified as White House Intruder with “Backpack”

“Schwarzenegger was also not ‘carrying a backpack,’ he was actually strapped in to a military-grade jet pack.”

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Heads of NRA Announce Plan to Stop Mass Shootings

NRA President Wayne LaPierre, and Executive Vice President James W. Porter II have announced a plan to quickly curb mass shootings in the United States of America. Here are their tips for lowering the number of shooting deaths:

Man Kicked Out of Barnes & Noble for Reading Out Loud

“At first I thought she was kidding, because we like to have a good time at the store, but then I walked up to him and he gave me that same ‘what the hell are you staring at’ look that Debra had described.”

Philsmoore told reporters that he wasn’t even that mad until Wellington began to increase his volume.

“It was like he was mocking me. The old bastard wouldn’t quit.”