With countless stay-at-home orders and company shutdowns across the country, many people are being hit hard in the wallet, but president Trump says it’s especially hard for men. “Men are losing the most,” president Trump told journalists in an address on the White House lawn. “For every $1 lost by a man, only 79¢ is lost by their female counterpart. It’s unfair. Totally unfair.” President Trump says he’s asking Congress to pass a bill that helps the highest paid group with the most to lose: straight white men. “So prepare for some bailouts of large corporations who will be required to give their CEOs bonuses and raises to re-tip the scales and make everything as it should be again,” Trump stated. “As always, I will do anything for my people folks. I will protect the true Americans.”
“We know it is hard for Mr. McConnell to have to abort the bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats are truly supportive of the decision.”
“My dreams became littered with terrifying sex monsters that attacked my lesbian lover Barb.” – Elizabeth Warren
“Wrap the baby beautifully in a flour tortilla and toss it in the oven,” Trump stated while wiping saliva from his chin. “If you do all of that, then maybe I take a little bite. A nibble. I don’t know. I don’t know.”
Biden was leering at the frail, 85 year old Senator Dianne Feinstein when he uttered the phrase.
“Sqoobz aren’t comfortable to wear by any means. Your tits will be flopping around in there.” – Victoria’s Secret CEO Jan Singer
“This isn’t about racism,” Trump stated. “It’s about my tiny dick.”