It’s a smart way to recycle while also saying ‘Thanks for playing the game of life! You certainly didn’t win, Sharon, but here’s a fucking trophy.’ Continue reading Millennials are burying their parents with the participation trophies they didn’t ask for
“We had a brief window of opportunity here and we didn’t take it,” presidential candidate Cory Booker stated. Continue reading White House Quietly Removes Treason From Offenses Punishable by Death
“America can’t take the tired, poor, huddled masses in without somewhere to put ’em.” Continue reading U.S. Unveils 5,000 Brand New Cages For Children on World Refugee Day
Authorities have confirmed that Y’all-Qaeda leadership has ties to a Mississippi terror cell referred to as Talabangelicals who are also complete [expletive].
Continue reading Radical Religious Group “Y’all-Qaeda” Bans Abortion in Alabama
“When I think of something, you better believe I’m going to go right up to him, get right on Peter and really ride him. Just unload on him with everything I’ve got – and I’ve got a lot. Just ask Melania. I’ve been trying to finish for quite a while, and when I do it’s going to feel great folks. Just great.” Continue reading Trump Explains Why He Hasn’t Made a Homophobic Nickname For Pete Buttigieg, Yet
“Remember, we’re only talking about girth. So if you wanted to tape 7 oversized grapefruits together and play hide the citrus in your [expletive], you could absolutely do that.” Secretary Alex Azar stated. Continue reading US Dept. Of Health: ‘Never Stick Anything Larger than a Grapefruit Up Your Butt’
“Overall, I’d give the movie 5-stars,” Kellner stated. Continue reading Local Man Uses Catheter So He Doesn’t Miss Any Part of Avengers: Endgame
“I’ll be watching the donation basket like a hawk as it goes around. You toss a $20 in there and you better believe I’m throwing a few extra sassy swings in your direction during the pot parade.” Continue reading Local Priest Hopes Replacing Incense with Marijuana Goes Over Well
“We were quickly made aware that a lot of our readers live in colder climates that do not warrant leaving a frozen corpse outside. So if you live in one of those areas that is just too cold, but you have a fireplace – read on…” Continue reading Holiday Tip: Options for Recycling Your Relative – Part 2
“With the holiday season upon us here in the United States, it’s time to start thinking about which elderly or annoying relative you want to recycle this year…” Continue reading Holiday Tip: Options For Recycling Your Relative
