“If this will lift the curse from constructing Arrowhead Stadium on an Indian burial ground, then we’re willing to let it slide.” – Chiefs CEO Clark Hunt Continue reading Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes Gives His MVP Trophy to a Nearby Native American Tribe
“The $85 billion we save a year will go toward green energy, education, infrastructure and ending homelessness in America.” Continue reading Congress Passes Resolution to Completely Ignore Middle East
After following Mike Pence home Sunday night to ask questions about the impeachment hearings, field reporters from FOX News saw something much, much more interesting in the Vice President’s garage: a ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ banner along with several campaign yard signs. … Continue reading Breaking: ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ Campaign Signs Spotted in Pence Family Home Garage
“As the AX-570 android referred to as “Barron” appeared to grow in its capacity to feel, perceive, and experience subjectivity, the android’s aggression toward president Trump grew exponentially.” Continue reading AX-570 android “Barron Trump” returned to a Japanese factory after malfunction causes it to attack
“Holy hell! C’mon people. Do I need to spell it out for you!?” – Robert Mueller Continue reading Annoyed Robert Mueller Snaps: “Oh My God, Just Impeach the Bastard Already!”
Upon boarding planes over the weekend, customers immediately noticed that there were no seatbelts. Continue reading Spirit Airlines Began Using Cargo Planes Over the Weekend Without Warning Passengers
“Rand Paul’s house is currently under attack and burning down,” TV personality and activist Jon Stewart stated. Continue reading Americans Crash Hundreds of Drones Into Rand Paul’s Mansion, Nobody Comes to Help
“Donald J. Trump is up for Best Performance in a Comedy Series that lasts for one term or less.” Continue reading Trump White House Nominated for Multiple Emmys, Including Best Limited Series
“The swirling rumors say that Melania refused to return to the White House for two weeks.” Continue reading Melania Trump Was Accidentally Deported
Authorities list gunpowder, Sudafed, oregano, ammonium nitrate fertilizer, paint thinner and celery salt as some of the ingredients. Continue reading KFC’s ‘Secret Recipe’ is Just Explosives & Methamphetamines
“These little green guys don’t stand a chance,” Nevada Governor Steve Sisolak stated. “Us Nevadans don’t take too kindly to… let’s say… off-white beings. Once they cross that fence they’re going to get lit up like the 4th of July!” Continue reading Aliens Locked Up in Area 51 Are Planning to Storm Nevada, Take Over Rest of the World
“What better way to show that the United States is a Christian nation than by celebrating Jesus’ crucifixion on America’s birthday!?” – President Donald J. Trump Continue reading Trump Signs Executive Order Moving Christmas to the 4th of July
Biden’s hair came from his soundproof hobby room where he keeps his personal collection of real hair, mannequins and doll parts. Continue reading Staff Forces Joe Biden to Get Hair Plugs So He’ll Stop Smelling Women’s Hair
“It’s safe to say that most residents of the state of Mississippi have been vegetarian, or close to it, since 2009.” – Governor Phil Bryant Continue reading Mississippi Has Been Feeding Its Unsuspecting Residents Vegan, Plant-Based Protein Since 2009
“An investigation will show Melania’s knockers were implanted by the Russians to spy on our great nation.” Continue reading President Jimmy Carter Says Melania Trump’s Boobs Were Put In Place By The Russians
“It’s Adam and Summer’s Eve, not Ben and Jerry; although, some Victoria’s Secret and Lane Bryant experimentation sounds intriguing,” Trump tweeted. Continue reading Supreme Court Rules “Corporations Can Also Be Gay People”
“We’re asking that all passengers take a look in overhead storage and under their seats to avoid crushing the reptiles and to assist in their capture.” Continue reading Southwest Airline’s ‘Take Your Snake to Work Day’ Backfires Horribly
