Many men have started calling unsolicited photos of their penises “surprise gender reveal parties” What do you think? Advertisements
In an apology for cutting out all LGBT sex scenes from Rocketman – the biographical musical film based on the life of musician Elton John – Delta airlines has announced they’ll be playing nothing but gay sex scenes on flights in December. “In-flight entertainment should never be discriminatory,” a Delta spokesperson stated. “So to make up for our error, travelers will now be treated to copious amounts of man-on-man action throughout the holiday season.”
The European trend of “natural feeding” has hit the US as parents across the country are pre-chewing, partially digesting, and then vomiting food onto their babies’ faces. The National Medical Association says they are still researching the potential negative impacts of natural feeding on children besides possible mental scarring and being a severe choking hazard.
With the announcement of the 26th Annual Darwin Awards, Donald Trump has found himself on the winner’s list. The leader of the free world tweeted about his accomplishment. Notably, Darwin Award winners are required to be sterile, display an astounding misapplication of judgement, and be the cause of their own demise.
Since Starbucks released its Pumpkin Spice latte back in 2003 Americans have recycled the same tired jokes about basic bitch valley girls, UGG boots, North Face vests and sucking down concentrated type-2 diabetes. Scientists now say that after 16 years the pumpkin spice problem can only be killed one way: Everyone needs to shut the fuck up about it. “It’s apparent that the pumpkin spice addicts have no taste or shame,” head researcher Veronica Dayton stated. “However, they do crave attention. So it’s really time that we all just shut the fuck up, ignore their Instagram posts, and wait until they die from attention starvation.”
Tropical Storm Karen was upgraded from an ‘Unreasonable Twat’ to a category ‘I Demand to Speak to the Manager’ hurricane this morning. Experts monitoring the storm say they expect to see Karen intensify into a devastating ‘She Took the Kids.’ Early evacuations are being considered for parts of Florida on the chance that Karen worsens into a full-blown ‘Call the Cops on Black People for No Reason.’