Congress Revisits Stimulus Bill After Forgetting to Sign it With a Sincere ‘Fuck You’ To American Citizens

Members of Congress revealed today that they had forgotten to sign their insufficient joke of a stimulus bill with a sincere ‘Fuck You’ in order to make the document as transparent as possible. “With a few simple votes we will add the closing words of ‘Fuck You’ to the end of the stimulus bill, ensuring that all American citizens know exactly where we stand and what our intentions are,” Senator Mitch McConnell stated. “So to be clear, we’re sending billions to corporations and a one-time payment of $1,200 to some Americans. Or in other words, because it can’t be emphasized enough: our constituents and fellow countrymen can go right ahead and fuck off. Money and the economy are our God.” Advertisements

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Coronavirus: ‘Death jobs’ are coming to America, Secretary of Commerce says

YouReadyGrandma

Secretary of Commerce and ventriloquist dummy come-to-life Wilbur Ross publicly announced today that he prays the spread of the coronavirus will bring “death economy jobs” to America. “With the titilating prospect of the coronavirus becoming a global pandemic, citizens will be seeing more work opportunities,” Ross stated. “We’re talking jobs like funeral home manager, gravedigger, coffin designer, face mask and hazmat suit sellers. Hopefully Americans will be able to keep up with the demand.” As of press time, president Trump stated that he wanted to “push the little green start button on a gigantic crematorium machine, like all of the other great leaders have.”

Trump Opens Marketing Company Called ‘Trump Consultation by Trump’

YouReadyGrandma

“Watch for the return of Toys “R” Trump, chains of Trumpback Steakhouse, Trumpley-Donaldson motorcycles and Old Trumpy Buffet.” – Sarah Huckabee Sanders

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