Arrested Capitol Attackers Now Wish They’d Worn Hoods Like Their Grandparents

Citing a lack of anonymity as being their primary mistake, countless arrested domestic terrorists who stormed the Capitol now say they regret not wearing white, pointy hoods like their grandparents had during riots past. “Collectively, we should have learned from our family histories about how this works,” accused terrorist Jake Chansley stated. “We should have stormed the Capitol while wearing hoods and robes, not horns and furs.” Indeed, countless insurrectionists now find themselves on the no-fly list, facing felonies, and very likely to be barred from voting or owning guns. “All of these arrests could have been avoided if we’d just embraced our grandparents’ fashion choices for such events,” Chansley stated. “My God. Have we learned nothing from history!?” As of press time, many of the arrested domestic terrorists were blaming president Trump for telling them what to do, but not how to go about getting away with it.

Trump just invited the Taliban to ‘fly into Trump Tower’ with a poorly-worded tweet

With the 9/11 meeting fast approaching, the Taliban says they’re ready to make a really big impact.

Glenn Beck Converts to Islam, Burns Down Notre Dame Cathedral

YouReadyGrandma

“You won’t hear about this, but I burned down the Notre Dame Cathedral,” Beck confirmed live on Fox & Friends. “This was France’s 9/11 and if I weren’t there to see it firsthand, you’d never know it was me: Glenn Beck, a casual, disposable, everyday Islamic terrorist.”

Breaking: Extremism Ban Passes US House & Senate

YouReadyGrandma

“If you’re banned you’ll be relocated to a garbage island off the coast of New Jersey.” – Nancy Pelosi

Leaked! White House Security Briefing Shows Insanity in Trump Administration

YouReadyGrandma

“It’s convoluted as [expletive]!” Senator Bernie Sanders stated. “The document obsesses over mechanical pencils and references outdated world news without context, but oddly enough everything ‘Trump’ now makes sense.”

Gigantic Gold-Plated Package Left on White House Lawn

YouReadyGrandma

The package was a 6 foot tall, gold-plated cube that weighed nearly 3.5 tons. 

Trail of Korean Water Ghosts is Closing in on America

YouReadyGrandma

“If all of this goes according to their godless plan, the Korean Water Ghosts will force us to follow their cultural views or be killed.”

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