Biden Says He'll 'Just Bring Some Wheat Thins' If Church Bans Him From Receiving Communion

Biden Says He’ll ‘Just Bring Some Wheat Thins’ If Church Bans Him From Receiving Communion

US Catholic bishops approved the creation of a new official document today that would ban politicians who support abortion rights from receiving Communion. President Joe Biden, who would be barred from the sacrament, gave a brief statement on the issue … Continue reading Biden Says He’ll ‘Just Bring Some Wheat Thins’ If Church Bans Him From Receiving Communion

supreme court rules worlds largest pedophile ring can dictate who adopts children catholic church

Supreme Court Says World’s Largest Pedophile Ring Can Dictate Who’s Allowed To Adopt Children

The United States Supreme Court ruled 9-0 today in favor of allowing the pedophile-ridden Catholic Church to ban LGBTQ+ individuals from adopting children from any of their organizations. The Church released a brief and disturbing statement after the court’s decision. … Continue reading Supreme Court Says World’s Largest Pedophile Ring Can Dictate Who’s Allowed To Adopt Children

Citing Discrimination, Catholic Church Refuses To Bless Same-Sex Marriages Until Age Of Consent Is Lowered

The Catholic church announced this week that they will not be blessing same-sex marriages until the age of consent is lowered to allow bishops, cardinals and priests to marry the young boys that they’ve been grooming for years. “This is … Continue reading Citing Discrimination, Catholic Church Refuses To Bless Same-Sex Marriages Until Age Of Consent Is Lowered

Jesus Refuses to Leave His Tomb For First Easter in 2,000 Years

Hoping to set a good example for people across the planet, Jesus Christ announced today that He would not be leaving His cavernous tomb this year in order to celebrate Easter; citing the coronavirus as His main cause for concern. … Continue reading Jesus Refuses to Leave His Tomb For First Easter in 2,000 Years

The Salvation Army says it’s donating pocket anuses to the Catholic Church to curb pedophilia

The Salvation Army announced today that they’ll be using $1.58 million in donations to purchase 100,000 pocket anuses for clergymen in the Catholic Church this Christmas. The charity says their goal is to curb pedophilia. “As far as we can … Continue reading The Salvation Army says it’s donating pocket anuses to the Catholic Church to curb pedophilia

Leaders of Catholic Church Gather to Watch ‘Men in Black II’ & Build Memory-Erasing Machine

“The goal here is to analyze the memory-erasing technology used in the film and then build, disperse and use the devices in every congregation around the world,” Pope Francis stated. Continue reading Leaders of Catholic Church Gather to Watch ‘Men in Black II’ & Build Memory-Erasing Machine