Category: election
Trump Claims Elon Musk’s Space Expansion Tech Let 2.6 Million People Attend His Indoor Inauguration
In a groundbreaking moment for both politics and technology, President Donald Trump’s second inauguration — held indoors at the U.S. Capitol Rotunda due to precedented levels of January cold — allegedly broke attendance records with the help of Elon Musk’s … Continue reading Trump Claims Elon Musk’s Space Expansion Tech Let 2.6 Million People Attend His Indoor Inauguration
BREAKING: Biden Will Certify Election for J.D. Vance: ‘Trump is Disqualified After Insurrection’
President Joe Biden announced today that he will personally certify the election of Senator J.D. Vance as President of the United States on January 6, 2025, citing Donald Trump’s disqualification under Section 3 of the 14th Amendment. The clause, originally … Continue reading BREAKING: Biden Will Certify Election for J.D. Vance: ‘Trump is Disqualified After Insurrection’
Trump’s New Gene Testing Initiative Will Preemptively Arrest ‘Ethnic Babies’ With ‘Bad DNA’
Trump added that babies from Scandinavian countries would be automatically exempt from testing, claiming, “They have great genes—very clean, very hardworking. But we’ll be keeping a close eye on the others.” Continue reading Trump’s New Gene Testing Initiative Will Preemptively Arrest ‘Ethnic Babies’ With ‘Bad DNA’
The Universal Flaw in ALL Economic Systems: We Let a Few Wealthy People Take Control
Everyone loves to debate whether communism, socialism, or capitalism works. Critics point out the flaws in each system: communism often leads to authoritarianism, socialism struggles with inefficiencies, and capitalism fosters inequality. But here’s a thought: have we ever truly made … Continue reading The Universal Flaw in ALL Economic Systems: We Let a Few Wealthy People Take Control
Despite Finding Election They Can Do Over & Over Again, GOP Still Can’t Win
Absent-Minded: Democrats Forget to Rig House & Senate Races
Having successfully rigged the 2020 presidential election for Joe Biden, Democrats are just now realizing that they forgot to cheat in all of the House and Senate races that took place across the country. “Whoops! We fixed the election for … Continue reading Absent-Minded: Democrats Forget to Rig House & Senate Races
Kentucky Moves Only Louisville Voting Machine ‘Somewhere Inside of Mammoth Cave’
Kentucky election officials stunned voters this morning when they announced that the only functioning voting machine for Louisville had been relocated “somewhere inside of Mammoth Cave” – the world’s longest cave system. Officials say that malfunctioning equipment and understaffing lead … Continue reading Kentucky Moves Only Louisville Voting Machine ‘Somewhere Inside of Mammoth Cave’
Gov. Kemp Denies Voter Suppression After Moving Polling Place to Offshore Oil Rig
Georgia Governor Brian Kemp is likely to face charges for voter suppression after he deliberately moved a predominately Democrat polling place to an oil rig located 17 miles off the coast of Georgia. During a lunchtime press conference the governor … Continue reading Gov. Kemp Denies Voter Suppression After Moving Polling Place to Offshore Oil Rig
Laughable Third Party Candidate Hasn’t Even Been Accused of Sexual Assault
Congressman Justin Amash, a Republican-turned-independent from Michigan, took heat upon announcing his presidential bid after it was revealed that he has yet to be accused of any form of sexual misconduct. The revelation that Amash may be an unquestionably innocent … Continue reading Laughable Third Party Candidate Hasn’t Even Been Accused of Sexual Assault
What Does Joe Biden’s Argument With a Mannequin Say About His Mental Health?
While trying to learn the proper etiquette for interacting with women, former vice president Joe Biden started an altercation with a mannequin that his staff was using to train him. Aides say that after trying countless times to put an … Continue reading What Does Joe Biden’s Argument With a Mannequin Say About His Mental Health?
BREAKING: Enough Floridians Will Die From the Coronavirus to Flip the State Blue
Political experts announced today that the number of right wing COVID-deniers, conservative beach-goers, and self-proclaimed “liberators” in Florida is high enough to flip the state blue in the 2020 election – but it’s for a morbid reason. “Unfortunately we’re about … Continue reading BREAKING: Enough Floridians Will Die From the Coronavirus to Flip the State Blue
Unfathomable: Nevada Voting App Will First Be Tested During the Caucus
The Democratic Party will use yet another untested software in Nevada’s upcoming February 22nd caucus and many are concerned that the errors which surrounded deployment of the Iowa caucus app are being repeated once again. Countless caucus volunteers fear a … Continue reading Unfathomable: Nevada Voting App Will First Be Tested During the Caucus
Pete Buttigieg Gives Presidential Acceptance Speech After Learning He’s Polling Second in Nevada Primary
Presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg took to the stage at his Genoa, Nevada rally today having just learned he was polling in second place for the state’s upcoming February 22nd primary. The jubilant Mayor of South Bend, Indiana then inexplicably launched … Continue reading Pete Buttigieg Gives Presidential Acceptance Speech After Learning He’s Polling Second in Nevada Primary
“It’s All Going According to Plan” Future Secretary of State Amy Klobuchar Says After 3rd Place Finish in New Hampshire
Minnesota Senator and moderate presidential candidate Amy Klobuchar is one step closer to her dream of becoming Secretary of State after finishing third in the New Hampshire primary. A smiling Klobuchar told a crowd at her rally in South Carolina … Continue reading “It’s All Going According to Plan” Future Secretary of State Amy Klobuchar Says After 3rd Place Finish in New Hampshire
Counting Expert Called in to Solve Iowa Caucus Debacle
Iowa Caucus App Fails After Too Many Russians Log In at the Same Time
The voting app used for last night’s Iowa Caucus crashed multiple times after thousands of Russian hackers attempted to log in to vote at the same time. Now, Russian president Vladimir Putin is crying foul – calling the results “tainted” … Continue reading Iowa Caucus App Fails After Too Many Russians Log In at the Same Time
Amy Klobuchar evolves into Klobucharizard on Democratic Debate stage
During her closing statement at the Iowa Democratic Debate – and without warning – Senator Amy Klobuchar evolved into Klobucharizard; sprouting an additional head on her right shoulder all while shaking violently on stage. Continue reading Amy Klobuchar evolves into Klobucharizard on Democratic Debate stage