Amy Klobuchar evolves into Klobucharizard on Democratic Debate stage

During her closing statement at the Iowa Democratic Debate – and without warning – Senator Amy Klobuchar evolved into Klobucharizard; sprouting an additional head on her right shoulder all while shaking violently on stage. Advertisements

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BREAKING: Pete Buttigieg confirms Bernie Sanders said he didn't think a bottom could win the presidency

YouReadyGrandma

Pete Buttigieg just confirmed multiple reports regarding a 2019 meeting between himself and Bernie Sanders in which they disagreed on whether a bottom could win the 2020 presidential election. “Among the topics that came up was could a bottom win the presidency. I thought a bottom could win; he disagreed,” Buttigieg said in a statement. Meanwhile Sander’s denied the comment in a press release, stating “I’ve always said that it took strength and endurance to be a bottom. I have nothing but respect for bottoms. Besides, Al Gore already won the popular vote back in 2000; so of course a bottom could win.”

New poll shows most Iowa men are "open to" sleeping with Pete Buttigieg

YouReadyGrandma

A new Des Moines Register/CNN/Mediacom Iowa Poll shows that 54% of likely male voters would be open to sleeping with Pete Buttigieg. What do you think? “If the timing were right, and I didn’t have these pesky kids, I’d give that boy a good ol’ roll in the hay. Definitely dress him up in overalls and a straw hat first…mmmmmhhmmmm.” – Tom Storms, Wheat Farmer “You know when you first see someone and you just need to sit on their face? I’ve been dealing with that since Pete announced. So, uhhh yeah. Sign me up!” – Daniel Vasquez, Volunteer Lifeguard “I’d like a shot with him. I’ve got $10k in sex toys that says he won’t care who’s doing what to where.” – Charline Tomlinson, Kindergarten Teacher “No judgement, but no thanks. It’s not for me. Now I can certainly keep watch from the closet while Pete and someone else go at it. You know, just to make sure my little Petey is safe.” – Howard Rothstein, Boy Scout Troop Leader “The Iowa caucus process is itself an invitation to keep an open mind, but who the fuck wrote this polling question?” – Pete Buttigieg, Sex Icon & Presidential Candidate Photo credit Republic Country Club

Trump threatens to destroy Iran by becoming their president

YouReadyGrandma

Donald Trump announced today that he plans to run for President of Iran in the country’s 2021 election if current leader Hassan Rouhani doesn’t stop his attacks on US bases in Iraq. “I’m going to be the first man to have a dual-presidency,” Trump confirmed. “Can you believe it? They say it’s unprecedented folks. Unprecedented.” When asked how he plans to win over a 90% Muslim country, Trump said his treatment of women and dislike of transgendered people would form a solid foundation to work from.

Breaking: ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ Campaign Signs Spotted in Pence Family Home Garage

YouReadyGrandma

After following Mike Pence home Sunday night to ask questions about the impeachment hearings, field reporters from FOX News saw something much, much more interesting in the Vice President’s garage: a ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ banner along with several campaign yard signs. Notably, the campaign materials in question have retained the ‘MAGA’ slogan, but repurposed the acronym to stand for “Make All the Gays go Away.” Return Home Take me to the MEMES!

Nervous Voters Voice Concern Over Correct Ballot Answer Always Being (D)

“I almost gave up and started drawing patterns in the bubbles, but then I remembered I was voting.”

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