United Methodist Church kicks out homophobic members for being "weird little bigots"

YouReadyGrandma

Leaders of the United Methodist Church announced today that they’ve excommunicated all homophobic church members and clergy from the religious organization. “Followers who are concerned about what other people do with their genitals are welcome to start their own weird, little, bigoted religion,” Bishop Kenneth H. Carter stated. “We want no part of their thinly-veiled hatred for people who are different from them.” Hours later, excommunicated church members announced that they’ve already started the “Straight Power Methodist” denomination where self-loathing homosexuals are still welcome. Advertisements

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Brave, Marginalized Heterosexuals Hold Pride Parades Across Nation

YouReadyGrandma

“They don’t even make laws for us! The gays can be fired in 26 states for being homosexual and we get nothing. It’s disgraceful!”

Elizabeth Warren Becomes Spokeswoman for New Lesbian Dating App Mufflr

YouReadyGrandma

According to their website, Mufflr is being funded by powerful lesbians Ellen Degeneres and Hillary Clinton.

Trump Explains Why He Hasn’t Made a Homophobic Nickname For Pete Buttigieg, Yet

YouReadyGrandma

“When I think of something, you better believe I’m going to go right up to him, get right on Peter and really ride him. Just unload on him with everything I’ve got – and I’ve got a lot. Just ask Melania. I’ve been trying to finish for quite a while, and when I do it’s going to feel great folks. Just great.”

Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring

YouReadyGrandma

“My dreams became littered with terrifying sex monsters that attacked my lesbian lover Barb.” – Elizabeth Warren

Elizabeth Warren Says She’ll Divorce Her Husband and Marry a Woman to Win the Presidency

YouReadyGrandma

Elizabeth Warren announced today at a campaign rally that she is “ready and willing” to divorce her husband of 39 years and marry her “lifelong best friend Barb.”

Over 100 Million Eggs Recalled on Easter Over Concerns They’re Making Kids Gay

YouReadyGrandma

“Eggland’s Best apologizes if we’ve torn apart any families because of our gay eggs.”

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