United Methodist Church kicks out homophobic members for being "weird little bigots"

United Methodist Church kicks out homophobic members for being “weird little bigots”

Leaders of the United Methodist Church announced today that they’ve excommunicated all homophobic church members and clergy from the religious organization. “Followers who are concerned about what other people do with their genitals are welcome to start their own weird, … Continue reading United Methodist Church kicks out homophobic members for being “weird little bigots”

Trump Explains Why He Hasn’t Made a Homophobic Nickname For Pete Buttigieg, Yet

“When I think of something, you better believe I’m going to go right up to him, get right on Peter and really ride him. Just unload on him with everything I’ve got – and I’ve got a lot. Just ask Melania. I’ve been trying to finish for quite a while, and when I do it’s going to feel great folks. Just great.” Continue reading Trump Explains Why He Hasn’t Made a Homophobic Nickname For Pete Buttigieg, Yet

Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring

“My dreams became littered with terrifying sex monsters that attacked my lesbian lover Barb.” – Elizabeth Warren Continue reading Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring

Elizabeth Warren Says She’ll Divorce Her Husband and Marry a Woman to Win the Presidency

Elizabeth Warren announced today at a campaign rally that she is “ready and willing” to divorce her husband of 39 years and marry her “lifelong best friend Barb.” Continue reading Elizabeth Warren Says She’ll Divorce Her Husband and Marry a Woman to Win the Presidency

Bill Gates Stars as Catwoman in Highly-Anticipated Film

“Gates oozes with a sultry sex appeal that culminates in a passionate, 12-minute lovemaking scene with the masked hero Batman who is played by Apple CEO Tim Cook.” Continue reading Bill Gates Stars as Catwoman in Highly-Anticipated Film

Oblivious Mike Pence Wears Furry Tail to CPAC

An attempt to clue the Vice President in using his teleprompter backfired; resulting in Pence aggressively shouting “There’s a tail sticking out of your ass” in the middle of an impassioned speech on moral decay in America. Continue reading Oblivious Mike Pence Wears Furry Tail to CPAC

Senator Cory Booker & Elmo Remind Americans: “Despite Incredibly Hot Beard, Ted Cruz is Still a Douche”

Booker’s 15 minute ventriloquism act included a perfectly performed impersonation of Sesame Street’s best-known character. Continue reading Senator Cory Booker & Elmo Remind Americans: “Despite Incredibly Hot Beard, Ted Cruz is Still a Douche”

4 in 5 Men Think Masturbating With Another Man ‘Isn’t Gay’

A poll of 565 men has found that 82% did not believe mutual masturbation to be a homosexual act, with respondents expressing a sentiment that touching cock isn’t gay, but lips touching lips is gay – meaning that emotional intimacy … Continue reading 4 in 5 Men Think Masturbating With Another Man ‘Isn’t Gay’