Ginsburg didn’t know she’d broken her ribs until bruising showed through her tattoos.
Scott Walker will now have to flush his system of illegal substances in order to qualify for unemployment assistance.
“I almost gave up and started drawing patterns in the bubbles, but then I remembered I was voting.”
Previously Subaru had used coded marketing tactics to reach lesbians.
None of our anchors can say “Trump” without vomiting.
The package was a 6 foot tall, gold-plated cube that weighed nearly 3.5 tons.
“If all of this goes according to their godless plan, the Korean Water Ghosts will force us to follow their cultural views or be killed.”
The NRA is utilizing “balloon art guns” and the hashtag #LiterallyDead as part of their marketing.
“Honestly, I think we’re just going to move every piece of debris 10 feet to the right and see if that helps,” Long stated.
“Let’s just admit it, Mitch is such a basic bitch name.” – Senator Bitch McConnell
Garten has been raising her own humans for consumption in a coop next to her garden.
Dawn has sent 5,500 bottles of soap to help clean thousands of Native Americans who are now covered in oil.
“Kavanaugh needs a liver by Christmas and the Democrats don’t give a lick!” – Senator Lindsey Graham
#Kavanaugh #FBIReport #SupremeCourt
Presidential Alerts cannot be turned off on mobile phones.
“The investigation is not meant to be a space expedition. Unfortunately, we don’t have a Space Force yet.” – Kellyanne Conway
“I just don’t see the problem here.” – Senator McConnell
“He’s found a loophole here and it’s simply stunning.” – Rudy Giuliani
“If enough of us do it, they can’t catch us all.”
“It appears that he was not remotely aware of the situation and still probably isn’t.”
Users of the popular gay dating and hookup app ‘Grindr’ have reported that Vice President Mike Pence had a countdown to impeachment on his profile that only remained visible for a few minutes. One user managed to snap a screen shot of Pence’s profile before it was changed. Later the two men met at the […]
“These kids aren’t fully investing themselves in the vibrant artistic expression and riveting stories.” – Jane Meyers, Head of Stanford’s Sex & Gender Studies
“It will sound like an airplane is taking off inside of the user’s vagina,” iBort creator Justin Swartzky stated.
“The president had been taking Viagra six times a day – one pill with every meal.” – Rudy Giuliani
“I make great deals, okay? This deal is really phenomenal on the surface. It’s a wonderful, superficial deal,” Trump said.
Melania’s emails have been released to the public in an act of transparency.
The masterpiece will be placed in the Smithsonian National Museum and is being regarded as an important artistic representation of modern day America.
“It really comes down to time and resources.”
“The first idea that it runs into is the decision that we go with.” – Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross
As walking billboards for work ethic, conservatives add relish to hotdogs as they salivate over the notion of countless 80-hour work weeks to pay for an ambulance ride.
Trump intended to nominate Mark McKinney who plays the role of Glenn Sturgis in NBC’s ‘Superstore’.
Those who take prescription drugs made by Pfizer will not be able to notice the difference.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders would neither confirm nor deny the claims.
‘MAGA’ is a unisex perfume boasting liquefied $100 bills as a key ingredient.
The amount of marijuana that Mr. Sessions consumes on a daily basis is staggering.
Tyson offered a confusingly graphic, yet scientific explanation.
“Overall, we just want to make everyone feel more welcome and safe at Starbucks.”
This was a direct response to outcry from PETA regarding changes in Alaskan hunting regulations which would…
Customers can choose from: Careful Crunch, Medium Munch, or Gnarly Gnaw.
“Americans will become more honest and open about sex, sexual education, and hardcore sexual domination,” Cornell said while rubbing his ‘itchy nipples’.
It is not uncommon for Bear Cubs (scouts as young as 8 or 9 years old) to leave their families for a better life in the forest.
‘The number of homeless veterans wheeling hundreds of gallons of gasoline through bustling urban centers could be a huge safety problem.’
Obama suggests Trump could have avoided many scandals with one trick.
Memorial seats are truly unique pieces of furniture and a longstanding tradition in American public spaces. #Memorial #America
“Steve and Tim will hold hands, and sometimes even kiss,” laughed Earhardt.
A painting by President George W. Bush shows his prediction of the future.
Weird Foods the Locals Eat: From Alabama to Wisconsin. Would You Try Them? #StrangeFood
“Those familiar with the Bible will immediately know that this is The Mark of the Beast,” stated Carson while steepling his fingers and arching his eyebrows.
“This lengthy, intricate study was conducted by the folks at the Harvard Center for Brain Science and incorporated proven Penis Responsiveness Technology (PRT) and Brainwave Function Reading (BFR) from leading scientists from the Biomimetic Robotics Lab at MIT.”
The movie reaches its tipping point when Damon’s children begin to ask why their favorite pig ‘Oinkers’ has gone missing.
“We estimate that the president stopped caring about the English language at, or around, the 4th grade.”