Pelosi: “We have the pee tape and it’s hot as hell”

YouReadyGrandma

A visibly flush Nancy Pelosi revealed at a press conference today that the infamous Trump pee tape is now in the hands of the democrats. “The tape doesn’t add anything to the president’s laundry list of naughty, impeachable offenses,” Pelosi said while letting out deep, animalistic moan. “The tape is hot as fuck, with over an hour of a sexy, shirtless, oiled-up Vladimir Putin chugging vodka and urinating into Mr. Trump’s asshole-shaped mouth.” According to the unabashedly aroused Pelosi, the two men share a knowing and unyielding eye contact throughout the interaction. In fact, the only break the two leaders take during the enthralling piss session comes at the 47-minute mark when Trump chokes on Putin’s pee; causing urine to shoot out of his nose. “Mama gets it,” Pelosi giggled while twirling her hair around her finger. “Once you hit your 70’s nothing gets your rocks off unless you’re willing to get a little weird.” Advertisements

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Completely unhinged, Rudy Giuliani strips naked on live TV during an incoherent rant

YouReadyGrandma

Hours after an incriminating interview with CNN’s Chris Cuomo, Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani came sprinting back on set shouting something about Ukraine; interrupting a live broadcast by anchor Brooke Baldwin. Fuming mad, Giuliani began flailing around and screeching before tearing off his clothes and chasing guest Shaun Harper with his asscheeks. Photo Credit Mishimoto88

Security concerns raised after newly divorced Sarah Palin can no longer see Russia from her house

YouReadyGrandma

President Trump has raised security concerns after Sarah Palin was divorced by longtime husband Todd yesterday. “Todd took the house with the prefect view of Russia, and I’m assuming Moscow, ” Trump stated. “Sarah was our first line of defense for our small island neighbor of Alaska. Now the native tribes are unprotected.” Republicans in the House and Senate have already drafted bills that would secure funding to construct a new home for Sarah Palin so she can continue to protect Alaskan soil. Photo by Therealbs2002

The US government is trying to decide between nuking San Francisco or outer space

YouReadyGrandma

“First and foremost, we must blow up the nukes to make sure that no one gets their hands on them.” – President Trump

Annoyed Robert Mueller Snaps: “Oh My God, Just Impeach the Bastard Already!”

YouReadyGrandma

“Holy hell! C’mon people. Do I need to spell it out for you!?” – Robert Mueller

President Jimmy Carter Says Melania Trump’s Boobs Were Put In Place By The Russians

“An investigation will show Melania’s knockers were implanted by the Russians to spy on our great nation.”

Trapped & Furious: Dead Robert Mueller Can’t Cross Over to Spirit Realm Until Barr Releases Full Report

YouReadyGrandma

The former FBI Director enrolled in a pottery class Anderson Cooper attends in an attempt to get him to sit in between his legs while whispering key findings in his ear.

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