Six of the Remaining States Without Coronavirus Begin Construction of Border Walls

YouReadyGrandma

The coronavirus-free states of Alaska, Montana, Alabama, Mississippi, West Virginia, and Maine have begun construction of their own border walls in order to keep people with the virus out. Alabama Governor Kay Ivey was very direct today when asked about neighboring states’ residents wanting to cross into her territory. “When Georgia or Tennessee send their people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending people that are bringing disease to us,” Ivey stated. “They’re raiding the hand sanitizers. They’re stealing masks from hospitals. They’re taking our disinfecting wipes and buying up all of the goddamned toilet paper. And some, I assume, are good people.” Meanwhile the states of Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, and North Dakota admit they have no need to construct a border wall as they’ve accepted that fact that nobody – no matter how desperate – wants to go there.

Toys ‘R’ Us lands $16 million defense contract to monitor Canadian border with drones

YouReadyGrandma

(Infographics provided by White House) They’re back from the dead! Big box store Toys ‘R’ Us, who declared bankruptcy just last year, has signed a $16 million deal to supply the US government with drones to police the northern border. An initial order of 200,000 DJI Phantom 4 Quadcopters has already been placed. The number of drones means there will be one surveillance device stationed every 150 feet along the border. The drones will be remotely controlled by thousands of undocumented immigrant children whose cages have already been transported and placed into position. The drones themselves are equipped with water canons that will squirt at approaching Canadians to shoo them away.

Breaking: ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ Campaign Signs Spotted in Pence Family Home Garage

YouReadyGrandma

After following Mike Pence home Sunday night to ask questions about the impeachment hearings, field reporters from FOX News saw something much, much more interesting in the Vice President’s garage: a ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ banner along with several campaign yard signs. Notably, the campaign materials in question have retained the ‘MAGA’ slogan, but repurposed the acronym to stand for “Make All the Gays go Away.” Return Home Take me to the MEMES!

White House denies accidentally constructing a wall around New Mexico

In a gross oversight, the Trump White House has built a border wall completely encompassing the state of New Mexico. State Governor Michelle Grisham spoke out about the new enclosure. “The border wall progress that president Trump kept touting was referring to this gigantic structure,” Governor Michelle Grisham stated. “Only an eighth of the wall actually butts up against Mexico, the rest goes all the way around the state of New Mexico.” Grisham says the wall doesn’t pose a problem as it won’t prevent people from crossing; however, she would like all of her Hispanic residents to be released from the accompanying, newly-constructed prisons.

Trump: “We’re going to melt down the Statue of Liberty”

“The words on that statue are welcoming to criminals and lowlifes.”

Supreme Court Ruling Gives Green Light For Trump Border Wall Hotel Construction

The Trump Border Wall Hotel will be the 15th longest structure in the world and have over half a million rooms.

Trump to Play Blackfaced ‘Ronald Klump’ Alongside Kanye West in Summer Blockbuster Movie

YouReadyGrandma

Early reports confirm Trump stars in the film as Ronald Klump, an “incredibly-relatable, African American Trump supporter who ventures on a mission to get Mexico to pay for the wall.”

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