Elon Musk Writes New Version of Elton John’s ‘Rocket Man’ After Iconic Musician Leaves Twitter

Shortly after famous signer-songwriter Elton John announced his departure from Twitter, Elon Musk said he wrote a “new, personal, and introspective version” of the musician’s hit song ‘Rocket Man’ as sung from Elon’s perspective. Here are the lyrics and accompanying … Continue reading Elon Musk Writes New Version of Elton John’s ‘Rocket Man’ After Iconic Musician Leaves Twitter

New Twitter Update Will Add An Animated Bird That Suggests Slurs & Insults To Spice Up Your Tweets

Elon Musk announced today that the remaining 17 employees at Twitter have been working day and night to finish a software update that will help users to insult other people on the platform with more creativity. “It’s kind of like … Continue reading New Twitter Update Will Add An Animated Bird That Suggests Slurs & Insults To Spice Up Your Tweets

Jeff Bezos: ‘If Elon Musk Really Cares So Much About Humanity Why Does He Keep The Secret To Hair Regrowth To Himself?’

The ongoing feud between Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos took a strange and personal turn today when Bezos posted a tweet questioning Musk’s philanthropy and clearly implying that the Tesla CEO doesn’t do nearly as much as he could to … Continue reading Jeff Bezos: ‘If Elon Musk Really Cares So Much About Humanity Why Does He Keep The Secret To Hair Regrowth To Himself?’

Samsung Threatens To Sue Elon Musk Over Tesla Phone: ‘We Hold The Patent For Phones That Explode’

Samsung threatened to file a lawsuit against Elon Musk today after the billionaire had an exchange with a video podcaster on Twitter about the possibility of Musk making a new smartphone. Samsung released a brief press release about the issue, … Continue reading Samsung Threatens To Sue Elon Musk Over Tesla Phone: ‘We Hold The Patent For Phones That Explode’

Elon Musk Fires All Staff That Won’t Do Cocaine: ‘Everyone Must Work Nonstop’

Twitter CEO Elon Musk sent out a company-wide email today informing employees that they are all required to snort cocaine. “The entire staff must able to work nonstop, and for days on end,” Musk wrote. “The only way I see … Continue reading Elon Musk Fires All Staff That Won’t Do Cocaine: ‘Everyone Must Work Nonstop’

Elon Musk: ‘I Will Colonize Mars, But Only With Thousands Of My Own Offspring’

Billionaire Elon Musk told reporters today that, not only does he already have “at least 370 kids,” but that he also plans on having thousands more in order to colonize mars. The news comes after it was revealed that the … Continue reading Elon Musk: ‘I Will Colonize Mars, But Only With Thousands Of My Own Offspring’

Elon Musk’s Test Monkeys That Didn’t Die From Brain Implant Clearly Plotting Revenge

Recent reports claim that billionaire Elon Musk’s company Neuralink may have killed up to 15 test monkeys by implanting computer chips into their brains. Now, researchers and Musk are saying that the remaining monkeys are clearly plotting revenge. “Every single … Continue reading Elon Musk’s Test Monkeys That Didn’t Die From Brain Implant Clearly Plotting Revenge

tesla driver hit by starlink satellite already dead from nueralink implant and car exploding

Tesla Driver Hit By Falling Starlink Satellite Was Already Dead From Faulty Neuralink Implant & Car Exploding, Authorities Say

Authorities have determined that the Starlink satellite that fell directly onto a Tesla in Riverside, California last week was not the actual cause of death for the driver. “After investigation it is clear that the sole passenger was already dead … Continue reading Tesla Driver Hit By Falling Starlink Satellite Was Already Dead From Faulty Neuralink Implant & Car Exploding, Authorities Say

Elon Musk loses richest man in world title to redditor dildo swaggins 69

Elon Musk Buys 420 Private Jets To Stop Teen’s Flight-Tracking Bot From Tweeting His Location

Billionaire businessman and entrepreneur Elon Musk recently purchased 420 private jets in an effort to prevent 19-year-old college freshman Jack Sweeny from using an algorithm he created to reveal where Musk and his plane are at all times. Notably, Musk … Continue reading Elon Musk Buys 420 Private Jets To Stop Teen’s Flight-Tracking Bot From Tweeting His Location

Elon Musk: ‘CEO Is A Made-Up Title, Call Me Sir Hair Plugs McBlood Emerald’

Billionaire Elon Musk stunned attendees at The Wall Street Journal’s CEO Council Summit yesterday when he proclaimed that “CEO is a made-up title.” Musk added that he had applied for a formal SEC filing to change his official title to “Sir … Continue reading Elon Musk: ‘CEO Is A Made-Up Title, Call Me Sir Hair Plugs McBlood Emerald’

Study: Nation's Wealthy 'Very Close' To Liking America Enough To Pay Taxes

Study: Wealthiest Americans ‘Extremely Close’ To Liking Country Enough To Pay Taxes

A study released by Harvard University today revealed that of the top 100 wealthiest Americans, nearly 90% claimed that they were either “close” or “very close” to liking the United States enough to start paying taxes. “As our wealth swells, … Continue reading Study: Wealthiest Americans ‘Extremely Close’ To Liking Country Enough To Pay Taxes

General Population Somehow Not Concerned Why Wealthy Are Desperately Trying To Make It To Outer Space

General Public Somehow Unconcerned As To Why The Wealthy Are Desperately Trying To Go To Outer Space

A new Gallup Poll revealed today that nearly 100 percent of the general public isn’t concerned over why the extremely wealthy are trying so desperately to make it to outer space, and quickly. When reached for comment, Elon Musk said … Continue reading General Public Somehow Unconcerned As To Why The Wealthy Are Desperately Trying To Go To Outer Space