“What better way to show that the United States is a Christian nation than by celebrating Jesus’ crucifixion on America’s birthday!?” – President Donald J. Trump
“Patriotism, the military, and war are all inherently republican. We own them,” Sanders stated.
“Eggland’s Best apologizes if we’ve torn apart any families because of our gay eggs.”
“We’re just going to burn the alcohol-laced vomit off like every year, that’s where the city gets its signature smell.” – Chicago Gov. J.B. Pritzker
“HOLD THE DATE! We will be having one of the largest gatherings in the history of Washington State,” Trump wrote. “There will be a rainbow of fireworks, the best drag queens – only the best – and the first ever reading of the US Constitution by your favorite President, me!”
“Americans can expect to see Christmas decorations in stores for around 5 to 6 months out of the year.”
“Starbucks will now be using cups with the following messages and designs instead of the happy holidays ones…”
“Aggression toward the president grew incrementally,” said head ATRI researcher Kaito Nakamura.
President Donald Trump is furious that he hasn’t received a gift from Santa since 2000 – when he was 54 years old.
Tallest first lady ever lifts President Obama in famous tradition.
With a strong, seasonal depression quickly approaching, many Americans are considering staying home for the 4th of July weekend. Indeed, most experts agree that due to the severity of the looming depression – staying home, locking the doors, and hunkering down might be the wisest decision. “For me, it looks like the depression will be […]
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