Lonely Pope Encourages Couples to Invite Single People for a Three Way on Valentine’s Day

YouReadyGrandma

Pope Francis gave a Valentine’s Day sermon at St. Peter’s Basilica today in which he asked couples to welcome single friends into their bedroom. The surprising suggestion has many asking if the religious leader is doing alright. “It’s an utterly lonely world out there,” an emotional, teary-eyed Francis stated. “So please, I implore you, invite someone to lay with you in carnal sin. It could be anybody really: authority figures, devoutly religious clergy, you name it – the right person could very well be in this room right now.” Upon finishing his sermon, the Pope tossed out handful after handful of candy hearts with his phone number on them as he strut down the center aisle like a runway model. Advertisements

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Absolutely Shredded Groundhog shows off summer body, predicts early spring

YouReadyGrandma

Panama City, FL – An incredibly toned groundhog named ‘Chad’ predicted an early spring for 2020 this morning. The announcement came after Chad crawled out of bed and drank a Pedialyte to nurse his hangover before heading over to the gym.

Trump threatens North Pole after going 18 years without a single present from Santa

YouReadyGrandma

President Donald Trump is furious that he hasn’t received a gift from Santa since 2000 – when he was 54 years old.

Melania Trump uses her icy cold stare to activate her telekinesis and levitate an angel on top of the White House Christmas Tree

YouReadyGrandma

A genderless, robotic Santa is driving people in a Wisconsin mall absolutely insane

YouReadyGrandma

(Brookfield, WI) A genderless, robotic Santa in Brookfield Square Mall is causing outrage among conservative customers who are demanding a traditional, white, human male Santa. What do you think?

AX-570 android “Barron Trump” returned to a Japanese factory after malfunction causes it to attack

YouReadyGrandma

“As the AX-570 android referred to as “Barron” appeared to grow in its capacity to feel, perceive, and experience subjectivity, the android’s aggression toward president Trump grew exponentially.”

Trump Signs Executive Order Moving Christmas to the 4th of July

YouReadyGrandma

“What better way to show that the United States is a Christian nation than by celebrating Jesus’ crucifixion on America’s birthday!?” – President Donald J. Trump

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