The state of Michigan passed sweeping legislation today banning the sale of flavored alcohol and vape products. The state claims that the flavors encourage smoking and drinking among minors. “There’s growing evidence that flavored products could have negative health impacts,” Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer stated during a morning address while lighting a cigarette and pouring a tall glass of straight Jack Daniels. “Behind the candy taste is a product that hooks kids and adults alike,” Whitmer stated while blowing billowing smoke rings. “It’s a public health crisis.” The state says it doesn’t plan to outlaw regular-flavored drugs until lawmakers are no longer using them. Photo credit Vangoghvodkagreece Advertisements
Authorities in Denver, Colorado say that they’re encouraging the legal use of psychedelic mushrooms in order to study how people who are on the drug interact in public spaces. “We don’t know what’s going to happen, but we’re opening up the area next month,” Governor Jared Polis stated. “So, come to Denver – eat a bunch of mushroom caps – and just touch a stranger’s face for awhile. You probably won’t regret it.” The designated drug use area begins downtown at the 16th Street Mall and spreads out to however far someone can walk while tripping balls for eight hours. Support the Author
Authorities list gunpowder, Sudafed, oregano, ammonium nitrate fertilizer, paint thinner and celery salt as some of the ingredients.
“It’s hard to keep the kids clean and the depression buried deep, deep down inside. Purell lets you do both.”
“I picked up the sweet, floral tones of South Colombian cocaine and the chemical aura of John Frieda’s Luxurious Volume Forever Full Hairspray for Fine Wigs.” – Joe Biden
Due to the lack of legal consequences, throngs of hallucinating residents have congregated downtown at the 16th Street Mall to touch each other’s faces.
“Because you can’t fire a gun in the bedroom, it can be very difficult for our members to achieve an erection without penis pills.”