Date Going So Well, Man Just Might Get an Elbow Job

YouReadyGrandma

(Brookfield, WI) Local man Jeremy Walowitz says his first date with Amy Patel is going so well that he just might be getting an elbow job. “You have to be extra careful when dating during the coronavirus outbreak,” Walowitz stated. “There’s no kissing and no exchange of mucus whatsoever. Right now the elbow job is really all you can hope to get. Unless you’re into feet, then there’s a few more options.” In may ways an elbow job, or “LBJ” as some are calling it, is just like a hand job, except for the fact that the penis is placed in the cubital region of the arm fold, opposite the elbow. “I also call it the ‘Chicken Dance’ because it looks just like the part of the song where you flap your arms like a bird,” Walowitz stated. As of press time Walowitz was receiving an elbow job, but unable to finish because the Chicken Dance was playing on a loop in his head. Advertisements

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Lonely Pope Encourages Couples to Invite Single People for a Three Way on Valentine’s Day

YouReadyGrandma

Pope Francis gave a Valentine’s Day sermon at St. Peter’s Basilica today in which he asked couples to welcome single friends into their bedroom. The surprising suggestion has many asking if the religious leader is doing alright. “It’s an utterly lonely world out there,” an emotional, teary-eyed Francis stated. “So please, I implore you, invite someone to lay with you in carnal sin. It could be anybody really: authority figures, devoutly religious clergy, you name it – the right person could very well be in this room right now.” Upon finishing his sermon, the Pope tossed out handful after handful of candy hearts with his phone number on them as he strut down the center aisle like a runway model.

Pete Buttigieg raises over $19 million in November alone by going on paid Grindr dates

YouReadyGrandma

Presidential candidate and mayor of South Bend, Indiana Pete Buttigieg raised more than $23 million in the month of November by letting Grindr users pay to go on dates with him. The gay dating app, which tells users how far away other men are from each other, allowed Buttigieg to essentially speed date no matter his location.

Is sending a dick pic the same thing as a gender reveal party?

YouReadyGrandma

Many men have started calling unsolicited photos of their penises “surprise gender reveal parties” What do you think?

7 Reasons He’s Not Texting You Back, Jessica

YouReadyGrandma

From unexpected events to having no hands, here are the top reasons your man is avoiding you, Jessica.

Elizabeth Warren Becomes Spokeswoman for New Lesbian Dating App Mufflr

YouReadyGrandma

According to their website, Mufflr is being funded by powerful lesbians Ellen Degeneres and Hillary Clinton.

US Dept. Of Health: ‘Never Stick Anything Larger than a Grapefruit Up Your Butt’

YouReadyGrandma

“Remember, we’re only talking about girth. So if you wanted to tape 7 oversized grapefruits together and play hide the citrus in your [expletive], you could absolutely do that.” Secretary Alex Azar stated.

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