“I can tell you how the world ends right now. We fart ourselves to death.” – Stanford Professor Böse Blahung
Mr. Cox has locked Eric Trump in the White House’s cold storage room next to the bowling alley in an attempt to show that air pollution does not harm humans.
“Unless Redbox starts squeezing out moist, two-year-old prosciutto with every DVD, I have no idea how they’re going to compete with this.”
“The geriatric cyborgs have two convenient USB ports allowing customers to charge their phones,” Walmart CEO Doug McMillon stated.
“We know it is hard for Mr. McConnell to have to abort the bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats are truly supportive of the decision.”
“I have never been more turned on in my life.” – Juliet Moore, Bernie Sanders Supporter
“We estimate that the president stopped caring about the English language at, or around, the 4th grade.”
“This lengthy, intricate study was conducted by the folks at the Harvard Center for Brain Science and incorporated proven Penis Responsiveness Technology (PRT) and Brainwave Function Reading (BFR) from leading scientists from the Biomimetic Robotics Lab at MIT.”
“The goal here is to analyze the memory-erasing technology used in the film and then build, disperse and use the devices in every congregation around the world,” Pope Francis stated.
“It’s sad to think how much we could have achieved if we hadn’t installed so much BDSM programming.”
“I think that my aunt needing 57 stitches in the buttcheeks and rectal region is a strong selling point for the product.” – Kholer President & CEO
The 1,750 calorie meal has made its return for the month of February only.
“You can expect your loved ones to land safely; with only minor amputations being necessary.”
“I’ve been calling it ‘Global Warming,’ but that’s just a trick folks; a term I use to make snowball jokes. My God, I’m so stupid.”
“Simply put, Apple has accidentally created a shortcut through spacetime.”
“It will sound like an airplane is taking off inside of the user’s vagina,” iBort creator Justin Swartzky stated.
Banana sales have increased by 27% in the United States.
“The first idea that it runs into is the decision that we go with.” – Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross
Those who take prescription drugs made by Pfizer will not be able to notice the difference.
Tyson offered a confusingly graphic, yet scientific explanation.
“Now it will look like you want to pay attention to your baby.”
“Aggression toward the president grew incrementally,” said head ATRI researcher Kaito Nakamura.
Samsung Soft: Televisions You Can Beat the Living **** Out Of.
Female researches have remained cold and distant, uninterested in helping to solve this growing problem.
“When you get a maniac like Obama. Okay. And he is, he really is. Then you end up with days like today,” Trump stated while pointing toward the only side of the room without any windows.
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