“There’s zero evidence to prove that this ‘Mr. Curry’ is not simply a sentient organism comprised of a complex combination of sauce, meats, vegetables, herbs and spices,” the press release stated.
Trump starts gagging and declares that ‘the golden juice went down the wrong pipe!’
“With McCain already tormenting Donald Trump by repeatedly moving and re-hiding the pee tape, we can only expect worse and worse episodes.”
We may never understand what a vegan is, or why fish qualifies as a meat, but we’ll never forget that if global warming is real, at least the vegans died first.” – DonaldTrump
The tweet was accompanied by the hashtags #WhiteLivesMatter and #Disgraceful.
We’re leaning toward ‘acting just like all of you fucking assholes.’
“Jim just got front row seats to Broadway’s shit musical ‘Adolph Twitler: The Fuckface von Clownstick Story’
Ginsburg didn’t know she’d broken her ribs until bruising showed through her tattoos.
Scott Walker will now have to flush his system of illegal substances in order to qualify for unemployment assistance.
“I almost gave up and started drawing patterns in the bubbles, but then I remembered I was voting.”
Previously Subaru had used coded marketing tactics to reach lesbians.
“Starbucks will now be using cups with the following messages and designs instead of the happy holidays ones…”
None of our anchors can say “Trump” without vomiting.
The package was a 6 foot tall, gold-plated cube that weighed nearly 3.5 tons.
“If all of this goes according to their godless plan, the Korean Water Ghosts will force us to follow their cultural views or be killed.”
“It’s not like we’re asking them to carry our purses up there – although that would be ideal and hopefully it leads to that.”
The NRA is utilizing “balloon art guns” and the hashtag #LiterallyDead as part of their marketing.
“Honestly, I think we’re just going to move every piece of debris 10 feet to the right and see if that helps,” Long stated.
“Let’s just admit it, Mitch is such a basic bitch name.” – Senator Bitch McConnell
Garten has been raising her own humans for consumption in a coop next to her garden.
Dawn has sent 5,500 bottles of soap to help clean thousands of Native Americans who are now covered in oil.
“Kavanaugh needs a liver by Christmas and the Democrats don’t give a lick!” – Senator Lindsey Graham
#Kavanaugh #FBIReport #SupremeCourt
Presidential Alerts cannot be turned off on mobile phones.
“We’re trying to attract more meat-eaters by selling a diverse selection of what we are pretty sure they like to eat,”
“The investigation is not meant to be a space expedition. Unfortunately, we don’t have a Space Force yet.” – Kellyanne Conway
“I just don’t see the problem here.” – Senator McConnell
“He’s found a loophole here and it’s simply stunning.” – Rudy Giuliani
“It’s crazy to say it, but you almost wish they weren’t dead.”
“If enough of us do it, they can’t catch us all.”
“It appears that he was not remotely aware of the situation and still probably isn’t.”