NRA Recommends Pocket Knives For Babies This Christmas: ‘Guns Are For Toddlers & Older’

The National Rifle Association says that this Christmas the perfect last minute present for a new baby is a pocket knife. Notably, the announcement is a huge flip-flop after decades of the NRA saying that guns are perfectly safe for … Continue reading NRA Recommends Pocket Knives For Babies This Christmas: ‘Guns Are For Toddlers & Older’

lauren boebert and marjorie taylor greene fight argue draw straws literally

Despite Drawing Straws, Marjorie Taylor Greene & Lauren Boebert Unable To Settle Argument Of Who Is Smarter

The feud between Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert is dramatically increasing in intensity. The congresswomen – who had previously been buddies that heckled Joe Biden during his first State of the Union – decided to settle the debate of … Continue reading Despite Drawing Straws, Marjorie Taylor Greene & Lauren Boebert Unable To Settle Argument Of Who Is Smarter

Tinder Bans All Soccer Fans For Seeking Slow, Boring Relationships With Little To No Scoring

Brazil soccer enthusiast Pedro Silva says his Tinder profile was banned today after the dating app announced it would no longer allow soccer fans to have an account. Experts say that Silva is among the more than 3.4 billion people … Continue reading Tinder Bans All Soccer Fans For Seeking Slow, Boring Relationships With Little To No Scoring

Baby Oil Processor Squish Babies Abortion Shortage Ban

Experts Warn Of ‘Huge Baby Oil Shortage’ After Bans On Abortion Result In Fewer Fetuses To Squeeze Juices From

With strict abortion bans going into effect in 13 states, baby oil manufacturers and suppliers are sounding the alarm that a product shortage is unavoidable due to an abrupt drop in the amount of aborted fetuses available to squeeze the … Continue reading Experts Warn Of ‘Huge Baby Oil Shortage’ After Bans On Abortion Result In Fewer Fetuses To Squeeze Juices From

Rarest Trump Trading Card Is Ivanka In A Thong: There’s Only One & Trump Has Claimed It As His Own

Donald Trump’s “big announcement” today was that he’s releasing digital trading cards starting at $99 each. He added that he holds the rarest card of all. “Think of it like baseball cards. Some are hard to find and some aren’t,” … Continue reading Rarest Trump Trading Card Is Ivanka In A Thong: There’s Only One & Trump Has Claimed It As His Own

Elon Musk Writes New Version of Elton John’s ‘Rocket Man’ After Iconic Musician Leaves Twitter

Shortly after famous signer-songwriter Elton John announced his departure from Twitter, Elon Musk said he wrote a “new, personal, and introspective version” of the musician’s hit song ‘Rocket Man’ as sung from Elon’s perspective. Here are the lyrics and accompanying … Continue reading Elon Musk Writes New Version of Elton John’s ‘Rocket Man’ After Iconic Musician Leaves Twitter

Party-Curious Kyrsten Sinema Switches From Democrat To Independent Just To See What People Say Before Totally Coming Out As Republican

The very brave, former Democrat Krysten Sinema decided to admit to her colleagues today that she is, in fact, an independent. “This may come as a shock to some,” Sinema stated. “But I cannot be more honest when I say … Continue reading Party-Curious Kyrsten Sinema Switches From Democrat To Independent Just To See What People Say Before Totally Coming Out As Republican

‘My Christmas Tree Eats Popcorn Garland When Nobody’s Looking’ Still Not Concerning Enough To Put Grandma In $9,000 A Month Nursing Home

After a brief group phone call with closest relatives, the Zelinski family of Oakridge, Illinois decided today that Grandma’s new suspicion that her Christmas tree is slowly eating popcorn garland when nobody’s looking is not concerning enough to justify spending … Continue reading ‘My Christmas Tree Eats Popcorn Garland When Nobody’s Looking’ Still Not Concerning Enough To Put Grandma In $9,000 A Month Nursing Home

New Twitter Update Will Add An Animated Bird That Suggests Slurs & Insults To Spice Up Your Tweets

Elon Musk announced today that the remaining 17 employees at Twitter have been working day and night to finish a software update that will help users to insult other people on the platform with more creativity. “It’s kind of like … Continue reading New Twitter Update Will Add An Animated Bird That Suggests Slurs & Insults To Spice Up Your Tweets

Brittney Griner Forced To Stand For 10 National Anthems, Say 25 Pledges of Allegiance & Announce That ‘All Lives Matter’ Before Every WNBA Game In Exchange For Freedom

Republicans refused to cooperate with President Biden’s attempts to free WNBA star Brittney Griner from Russian prison until he agreed that she will be required to stand for 10 national anthems, say 25 pledges of allegiance, and announce that “All … Continue reading Brittney Griner Forced To Stand For 10 National Anthems, Say 25 Pledges of Allegiance & Announce That ‘All Lives Matter’ Before Every WNBA Game In Exchange For Freedom

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Boeing Issues Massive Recall On All 747 Jumbo Jets After Finding Omitted, 748th Part In Abandoned Warehouse

Airplane manufacturing giant Boeing stunned travelers and the entire airline industry today when they announced a massive recall on all of their 747 Jumbo Jets. The move comes just weeks after employees came across an abandoned warehouse full of – … Continue reading Boeing Issues Massive Recall On All 747 Jumbo Jets After Finding Omitted, 748th Part In Abandoned Warehouse

BREAKING: Hunter Biden’s Laptop Has Classified Docs, Proof He Was Behind Jan 6th, Hidden Tax Records & Evidence Of Election Tampering

Correction!!! We apologize for inaccurately reporting on this story. The mistakes have since been redacted. Here’s an update: The aforementioned stolen classified documents, proof of orchestrating January 6th, hidden tax returns, and 2020 election tampering are all scandals directly related … Continue reading BREAKING: Hunter Biden’s Laptop Has Classified Docs, Proof He Was Behind Jan 6th, Hidden Tax Records & Evidence Of Election Tampering

Wow! Can You Spot The Subtle Differences Between The Official Oath Of Office & What Trump Recited At His Inauguration?

Do you think you can you spot the differences between the official Oath of Office and what Donald Trump said during his inauguration? For some, it’s not as easy at it may seem. Here’s the Official Oath: “I do solemnly … Continue reading Wow! Can You Spot The Subtle Differences Between The Official Oath Of Office & What Trump Recited At His Inauguration?

Massive Fraud Incapable Of Correctly Identifying Massive Fraud

(Palm Beach, FL) An area man, who perfectly fits the definition of a con artist, has been embarrassing himself by repeatedly and incorrectly telling everyone he’s uncovered proof of massive fraud in the 2020 election. “For his entire career this … Continue reading Massive Fraud Incapable Of Correctly Identifying Massive Fraud