Marjorie Taylor Greene: ‘Bigfoot Is A Real-Life Alien That Was Attracted To Earth By Chemtrails’

YouReadyGrandma

Having already claimed that school shootings like Sandy Hook and Parkland we’re false flag operations and that 9/11 was an inside job, Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene stated in a press conference today that “not only is Bigfoot real, but he’s an alien that came to earth because he was attracted by chemtrails.” “On any given day you can look up in the sky and see chemtrails shooting out the backs of airplanes. There’s no other scientific explanation for them. And it’s these very chemicals that attracted Bigfoot to our planet in the first place.” a wide-eyed Green stated. “On top of this, there have been more than 2,300 Bigfoot sightings in Washington state alone. Let that sink in.” Greene added that she’s “confident Bigfoot is blurry in real life,” stating that “all you have to do is look at the mountains of photographic evidence and you’ll see that every single photo is fuzzy or unclear.” As of press time Republicans in Congress had released a brief statement which read: “Although many of Marjorie Taylor Greene’s stances are out of the norm, she would have to say or do something far worse in order to be considered unfit for office – such as receiving oral sex from an intern.”

Opinion: I’m Not a Snowflake, I’m Just Fully-Clothed, Crying & Eating Goya Beans On The Shower Floor

Sorry libtards, but just because I’m fully-clothed, crying and eating Goya beans on the shower floor doesn’t mean that I’m a little, snowflake bitch like you. It means I’m a patriot who knows what’s really going on! Us Trump supporters are the ones who actually care about the United States! Not cucks like you. You dirty, purple-haired hippies probably don’t even know what a shower is! Ha! Well I’m trying to get all of my shower time in before the commie socialists start rationing food and water – which obviously would include beans and bathing. Besides, could a snowflake even handle listening to Y.M.C.A. on repeat while remembering how great Trump was and consuming five patriotic pounds of Goya brand beans? I think not! And why not? Because you’re all low-energy, un-American vegans. Wake up sheeple. All the participation trophies in the world aren’t going to save you from Biden. You’re all pathetic.

Hundreds Of Fact Checkers Laid Off After New Press Secretary Fails To Lie In First Briefing

Sources are reporting that hundreds of fact checkers at news organizations around the world were abruptly let go from their jobs after White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki completed an entire briefing without lying once to the press. “With the previous administration, fact checkers typically spent hours analyzing questionable or outright ridiculous statements from just a single, 15-minute briefing,” MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow stated. “But today Press Secretary Psaki took to the podium for half an hour and didn’t even try to tell a single lie.” Meanwhile, Fox News personality Sean Hannity called the press conference “suspicious.” “It makes you wonder: what is the Biden administration’s endgame here?” a bewildered Hannity asked. “What exactly are they up to?”

Inauguration Size & Security Mocked By Same People Who Spread Insurrection Threats & COVID

Bidens Hire Elizabeth Warren to Sage White House Before Move In

Joe Biden has reportedly agreed to hire Elizabeth Warren to cleanse the White House with sage before moving in. The decision comes after Warren reached out to the Bidens yesterday, telling them that she was concerned the building needed “an authentic, Native American sage purification to get all of the toxic Trump energy out.” Photo Credit Gage Skidmore

Biden Says He’ll ‘Still Visit Trump In Prison’ Despite No White House Invite

When asked today how he felt about the Trumps not following tradition and inviting his family to the White House, Joe Biden told reporters that he wasn’t bothered by it at all. “It’s no skin off my nose! We all know the man’s a chicken-hearted, white-livered chucklehead,” Biden laughed. “He’s all hat and no cattle. And he can try to avoid me all he wants, but I promise that I’ll be visiting Trump when he goes to prison. Because I’m a considerate guy like that.” When reached for comment, the White House released a statement saying that they didn’t know which crimes Joe Biden was accusing the president of committing. “If Joe Biden thinks Donald Trump committed a crime, then he’s going to have to be a lot more specific so we can address his particular claims because right now there are literally dozens of open court cases and lawsuits against the President.”

Charles Barkley Hospitalized After Firmly Lodging Size 16 Foot in Own Mouth

Former NBA player Charles Barkley was checked into the hospital last night after he told a stunned TV audience that NBA, NFL, and NHL players should be given the COVID-19 vaccine first “because they pay more in taxes.” By the time he finished his statement, Barkley’s body had already subconsciously removed his right shoe and sock from his foot and begun pulling the appendage up to his mouth. He then unhinged his jaw and firmly lodged the entire size 16 foot into his mouth before the show cut to commercial. As of press time Barkley’s foot had been successfully removed from his mouth, but doctors warned that – because of his unchecked privilege – the former athlete is also very susceptible to getting his head stuck up his own ass.

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