‘MAGA’ is a unisex perfume boasting liquefied $100 bills as a key ingredient.
The amount of marijuana that Mr. Sessions consumes on a daily basis is staggering.
Tyson offered a confusingly graphic, yet scientific explanation.
“Overall, we just want to make everyone feel more welcome and safe at Starbucks.”
This was a direct response to outcry from PETA regarding changes in Alaskan hunting regulations which would…
Customers can choose from: Careful Crunch, Medium Munch, or Gnarly Gnaw.
“Americans will become more honest and open about sex, sexual education, and hardcore sexual domination,” Cornell said while rubbing his ‘itchy nipples’.
It is not uncommon for Bear Cubs (scouts as young as 8 or 9 years old) to leave their families for a better life in the forest.
“We should always be looking up to God before going down to worship,” said Francis.
‘The number of homeless veterans wheeling hundreds of gallons of gasoline through bustling urban centers could be a huge safety problem.’
Obama suggests Trump could have avoided many scandals with one trick.
“Tums FIRE! is an insanely hot and addictive pre-antacid snack that can cause blindness.”
Memorial seats are truly unique pieces of furniture and a longstanding tradition in American public spaces. #Memorial #America
“Steve and Tim will hold hands, and sometimes even kiss,” laughed Earhardt.
A painting by President George W. Bush shows his prediction of the future.
Weird Foods the Locals Eat: From Alabama to Wisconsin. Would You Try Them? #StrangeFood
“Those familiar with the Bible will immediately know that this is The Mark of the Beast,” stated Carson while steepling his fingers and arching his eyebrows.
“This lengthy, intricate study was conducted by the folks at the Harvard Center for Brain Science and incorporated proven Penis Responsiveness Technology (PRT) and Brainwave Function Reading (BFR) from leading scientists from the Biomimetic Robotics Lab at MIT.”
The movie reaches its tipping point when Damon’s children begin to ask why their favorite pig ‘Oinkers’ has gone missing.
“We estimate that the president stopped caring about the English language at, or around, the 4th grade.”
“Now it will look like you want to pay attention to your baby.”
Obama was confronted while leaving a mosque.
Team refuses to speak to straight, male figure skater. #WinterOlympics
“I hate to say this folks, but it’s to the point where we may have to make something up.”
Law now outlaws sale of guns in America.
The president’s internal struggle has become quite tangible. #MindOverMatter
“The last time that Tom was this upset was after the 31-0 loss to the Bills in 2003.”
“Aggression toward the president grew incrementally,” said head ATRI researcher Kaito Nakamura.
Doctors have voiced concerns over the ingestion of coal by minors.
Samsung Soft: Televisions You Can Beat the Living **** Out Of.
“I wouldn’t necessarily call it cheating. That’s not the correct wording,” said Bilichick.
Female researches have remained cold and distant, uninterested in helping to solve this growing problem.
“Mitch insists on having mayonnaise in every single meal he eats.”
“Our first guideline for all users is that you cannot use nude photos in your profile, so that was strike one.”
The visually impaired are suddenly excelling at winter sports and scientists want to know why.
“I absolutely loathe flu season,” stated Comcast CEO Brian L. Roberts.
A handheld digital pet hailing from Japan, the Tamagotchi was a needy electronic animal that…
‘Bananons,’ will be infused with Everclear grain alcohol which…
“As the Supreme Court of Alabama is the highest court in America, we will be continuing our fight on another path.”
“This will allow every single employee to move up the ladder and manage their own McDonald’s.”
“This move to male cheerleaders is a conscious effort to push back against female objectific…”
“Look people, this is ludicrous, Jesus was a white man,” said Kelly.
Hopes are high for this sequel as the original 1997 hit raked in over $1.5 billion worldwide.
President Donald Trump is furious that he hasn’t received a gift from Santa since 2000 – when he was 54 years old.
Brady will be given a locker farther away from other players.
Limbaugh was last seen near his home in Palm Beach, FL.
“We estimate that he was out cold with water in his lungs for about 2 minutes.”
“I’m going to be SO transparent that you will be like: ‘Hey! Where is he? Where did Donald go!?’
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