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Steve Cohen Sparks Massive Dumpster Fire on House Floor, Bites Heads Off of Live Chickens

Cohen poured 14 gallons of gasoline, began playing ‘Spark the Fire’ by Gwen Stefani, and lit the contents of the dumpster before biting the heads off several chickens.

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Trapped & Furious: Dead Robert Mueller Can’t Cross Over to Spirit Realm Until Barr Releases Full Report

The former FBI Director enrolled in a pottery class Anderson Cooper attends in an attempt to get him to sit in between his legs while whispering key findings in his ear.

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Leaked! White House Security Briefing Shows Insanity in Trump Administration

“It’s convoluted as [expletive]!” Senator Bernie Sanders stated. “The document obsesses over mechanical pencils and references outdated world news without context, but oddly enough everything ‘Trump’ now makes sense.”

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President Trump Announces Massive 4th of July Celebration for Liberals

“HOLD THE DATE! We will be having one of the largest gatherings in the history of Washington State,” Trump wrote. “There will be a rainbow of fireworks, the best drag queens – only the best – and the first ever reading of the US Constitution by your favorite President, me!”

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Trump to Declare National Emergency & Melt Down Statue of Liberty on Friday

A White House official has confirmed that President Trump plans to declare a National Emergency on Friday in order to both fund the border wall and melt down the Statue of Liberty to use as construction material. “The President is making a smart move here by using materials that we already have available to lower […]

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Democrats Will be Testing Trump’s Grasp of Object Permanence Tonight by Bringing Real People to The State of The Union Address

“Now, when I place Sajid in a crouching position behind me I’ll look for a confused expression on the president’s face. Soon thereafter – and here’s where it gets interesting – Sajid will pop out from behind me and…”