New Alabama Law Sentences Teachers Who Talk About Slavery To Involuntary Servitude

Alabama Governor Kay Ivey signed a bill into law today that will place any public school teachers who teach students about slavery into involuntary servitude programs. “There is not place for discussing slavery in Alabama schools. The past is in … Continue reading New Alabama Law Sentences Teachers Who Talk About Slavery To Involuntary Servitude

TX Republican To Ban 850 Books That ‘Could Make Students Feel Uneasy’

Representative Matt Krause (R-TX) has compiled a list of 850 books that he wants to ban in schools. Krause says the books in question “might make students feel discomfort, guilt, anguish, or any other form of psychological distress because of … Continue reading TX Republican To Ban 850 Books That ‘Could Make Students Feel Uneasy’

Donald Trump Releases Book Titled My Struggle Banned in Germany

Trump’s New Book ‘My Struggle’ Already Banned in Germany

The White House announced the release of Donald Trump’s new, pre-election book titled My Struggle today, prompting the country of Germany to ban the paperback instantly. White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany said that, despite strong pushback, the book will … Continue reading Trump’s New Book ‘My Struggle’ Already Banned in Germany

Websters Dictionary adds new vulgar definition for trumpery to dictionary

Webster’s Adds Vulgar Definition for ‘Trumpery’ to Dictionary

Merriam-Webster made a controversial move today when they announced that they had added yet another definition for the word ‘trumpery’ to the dictionary. The company explained their decision in a press release. “We believed it to be appropriate for current … Continue reading Webster’s Adds Vulgar Definition for ‘Trumpery’ to Dictionary

‘A Few Children Left Behind Program’ Will Send Least Promising Kids to School to See If Classrooms Are Safe

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos announced her new ‘A Few Children Left Behind Program’ today which will allow schools to reopen on time in a limited capacity. Devos says that she’ll be sending the 10 least promising students per classroom … Continue reading ‘A Few Children Left Behind Program’ Will Send Least Promising Kids to School to See If Classrooms Are Safe

‘Irregardless’ Added to Dictionary, Finalizing Collapse of American Education System

The idiots have won again. Webster’s Dictionary has added the cringeworthy word ‘irregardless’ to their big book of real words, signaling the complete collapse of the American education system. “Words are officially added to the dictionary when they are used … Continue reading ‘Irregardless’ Added to Dictionary, Finalizing Collapse of American Education System

Experts Say They Hope to Open America Up to Facts, Reason By Early June

Experts at the World Health Organization (WHO) released a pointed statement today revealing that they hope to open all Americans up to COVID-19 facts and teach them basic reasoning skills by early June – with the end goal being to … Continue reading Experts Say They Hope to Open America Up to Facts, Reason By Early June

Trump’s 4th remedial English tutor quits citing irreconcilable differences

President Trump’s fourth remedial English tutor in three years has quit, citing irreconcilable differences regarding words, their accurate usage, how they are spelled and their correct pronunciation. “Mr. Trump may ‘have the best words,’ but they’re frequently made-up or misspelled,” … Continue reading Trump’s 4th remedial English tutor quits citing irreconcilable differences

Moms are taking first day of school photos to mail to distant relatives for some reason

Unfettered by the conventions of social media and email, suburban Moms across the country snapped pictures of their kids’ first day of school to mail to every relative they can think of; making this the only known scenario in which … Continue reading Moms are taking first day of school photos to mail to distant relatives for some reason

The most sought after jobs for Gen Z college grads are not what you’d think

Retired Naval Officer tops the list of most desired professions for new college graduates. Did your job make the cut? 10. Software Engineer 9. Small Woodland Creature 8. Cadaver Marionette 7. Average-sized Woodland Creature 6. Betty White’s Stunt Double 5. … Continue reading The most sought after jobs for Gen Z college grads are not what you’d think

Betsy DeVos Removes ‘Appreciation’ From National Teacher Appreciation Day

“At this point teachers must be making, what? $125 thousand a year and they won’t stop complaining?” DeVos stated. “We have to push back against these union thugs who are always striking.” Continue reading Betsy DeVos Removes ‘Appreciation’ From National Teacher Appreciation Day

Eric Trump is Currently Locked in a Room That’s Being Pumped Full of Pollution

Mr. Cox has locked Eric Trump in the White House’s cold storage room next to the bowling alley in an attempt to show that air pollution does not harm humans. Continue reading Eric Trump is Currently Locked in a Room That’s Being Pumped Full of Pollution

Americans Shatter Book-Burning Record on Read Across America Day

“In retrospect, I picked the wrong book to read to them.” Louisiana Governor John Edwards stated. “I chose Seuss’ first published work The Pocket Book of Boners and by the time I finished reading the title all hell had broken loose.” Continue reading Americans Shatter Book-Burning Record on Read Across America Day

Virginia Politician: “What if We Only Painted Our Genitals?”

“The letter went on in vivid detail describing the painting process, preferred makeup brands, how to wash mascara out of your underwear, and more.” Continue reading Virginia Politician: “What if We Only Painted Our Genitals?”

Trump Admits ‘The Polar Vortex is Caused by Climate Change’

“I’ve been calling it ‘Global Warming,’ but that’s just a trick folks; a term I use to make snowball jokes. My God, I’m so stupid.” Continue reading Trump Admits ‘The Polar Vortex is Caused by Climate Change’