Experts at the World Health Organization (WHO) released a pointed statement today revealing that they hope to open all Americans up to COVID-19 facts and teach them basic reasoning skills by early June – with the end goal being to lower the so-called “idiot curve” before the month of August. “There’s a loud minority group of idiots who are making this whole situation worse than it has to be,” the statement read. “So, over the course of the next four weeks we will be educating the general public on the basics of pandemics and teaching them how a virus can spread exponentially.” “During this time, we will unfortunately be seeing a large number of idiots – those who attended rallies, their friends, and their family members – dying from the virus. With the combination of education, and the tragic loss of life, we could be able to flatten the idiot curve by sometime in June.” Advertisements
President Trump’s fourth remedial English tutor in three years has quit, citing irreconcilable differences regarding words, their accurate usage, how they are spelled and their correct pronunciation. “Mr. Trump may ‘have the best words,’ but they’re frequently made-up or misspelled,” former tutor Mason Thompson stated. “A teacher can’t watch their 73-year-old student insist that a goddamned apostrophe is a fucking hyphen and have any shred if dignity left.” President Trump took to Twitter to respond. Photo by G0h4r
Unfettered by the conventions of social media and email, suburban Moms across the country snapped pictures of their kids’ first day of school to mail to every relative they can think of; making this the only known scenario in which mailing photos of underage children to strangers isn’t illegal. Photo credit Lesley Show
Teachers get ready for another underfunded school year full of ADHD and mass shootings.
“You can rest assured that somewhere, in an existing but undetectable universe, another version of you is out there having a meaningful, fulfilling life.”
“At this point teachers must be making, what? $125 thousand a year and they won’t stop complaining?” DeVos stated. “We have to push back against these union thugs who are always striking.”