“I’m going to open his door and push him into oncoming traffic tomorrow. [Expletive] this guy.”
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Green Chicago River Full of Vomit by 10 AM
“We’re just going to burn the alcohol-laced vomit off like every year, that’s where the city gets its signature smell.” – Chicago Gov. J.B. Pritzker
Elon Musk & The Rock Are Costarring in an Adult Film
“I pulled all of my investments in Elon’s companies halfway into the movie because I was certain he had been [expletive] to death.”
Introducing Samsung Soft: The Smart TV that you can Punch
Samsung Soft: Televisions You Can Beat the Living **** Out Of.
Stoned Sun Listens to Pink Floyd’s ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ and ‘Gets it’ This Time
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Parker Brothers to Unveil New “Guess That Queef” Game
Company spokesman Keith McElroy explained the new concept by comparing the game as a “mash-up of (their) already-existing games of Monopoly, Ouija, Bop It, Sorry!, Probe, and Aggravation.”
“It’s like Monopoly because there are some people that are just good at…
