7 Reasons He’s Not Texting You Back, Jessica

From unexpected events to having no hands, here are the top reasons your man is avoiding you, Jessica.

Democrats Will Play Cards Against Humanity On Live TV Instead of Debating

“The hardest part for candidates will be trying not to laugh at the very things they claim to find offensive.”

Disney’s Jungle Cruise Movie is Finally PC Enough to Film After 13 Years of Rewrites


“We totally nixed three scenes where Dwayne Johnson would’ve been firing his gun at a bunch of hippos for absolutely no reason.”

Local Man Uses Catheter So He Doesn’t Miss Any Part of Avengers: Endgame


“Overall, I’d give the movie 5-stars,” Kellner stated.

Kanye West Was Selling Damaged Condoms at Coachella for $125


“Someone from that festival will be having an unwanted child that babbles bullshit for years; so when that happens, I highly recommend they name it Kanye.”

Bill Gates Stars as Catwoman in Highly-Anticipated Film


“Gates oozes with a sultry sex appeal that culminates in a passionate, 12-minute lovemaking scene with the masked hero Batman who is played by Apple CEO Tim Cook.”

MLB Highlights “The Raw Sexual Tension of Baseball” on Opening Day


“Most of the leathery, ball-related action on the field actually takes place in the players’ jockstraps,” Commissioner Rob Manfred stated.

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