Trump Explains Why He Hasn’t Made a Homophobic Nickname For Pete Buttigieg, Yet

YouReadyGrandma

“When I think of something, you better believe I’m going to go right up to him, get right on Peter and really ride him. Just unload on him with everything I’ve got – and I’ve got a lot. Just ask Melania. I’ve been trying to finish for quite a while, and when I do it’s going to feel great folks. Just great.”

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Betsy DeVos Removes ‘Appreciation’ From National Teacher Appreciation Day

YouReadyGrandma

“At this point teachers must be making, what? $125 thousand a year and they won’t stop complaining?” DeVos stated. “We have to push back against these union thugs who are always striking.”

Steve Cohen Sparks Massive Dumpster Fire on House Floor, Bites Heads Off of Live Chickens

YouReadyGrandma

Cohen poured 14 gallons of gasoline, began playing ‘Spark the Fire’ by Gwen Stefani, and lit the contents of the dumpster before biting the heads off several chickens.

Trapped & Furious: Dead Robert Mueller Can’t Cross Over to Spirit Realm Until Barr Releases Full Report

YouReadyGrandma

The former FBI Director enrolled in a pottery class Anderson Cooper attends in an attempt to get him to sit in between his legs while whispering key findings in his ear.

Glenn Beck Converts to Islam, Burns Down Notre Dame Cathedral

YouReadyGrandma

“You won’t hear about this, but I burned down the Notre Dame Cathedral,” Beck confirmed live on Fox & Friends. “This was France’s 9/11 and if I weren’t there to see it firsthand, you’d never know it was me: Glenn Beck, a casual, disposable, everyday Islamic terrorist.”

Trump Opens Marketing Company Called ‘Trump Consultation by Trump’

YouReadyGrandma

“Watch for the return of Toys “R” Trump, chains of Trumpback Steakhouse, Trumpley-Donaldson motorcycles and Old Trumpy Buffet.” – Sarah Huckabee Sanders

Eric Trump is Currently Locked in a Room That’s Being Pumped Full of Pollution

YouReadyGrandma

Mr. Cox has locked Eric Trump in the White House’s cold storage room next to the bowling alley in an attempt to show that air pollution does not harm humans.