Incapable Of Rational Thought, Man Says His Life Is Hard Too, So Privilege Can’t Possibly Exist

Brookfield, WI – Incapable of rational thought, local straight, white, able-bodied, Christian man Alan Richmond says that because his life has been hard too, it means that privilege cannot possibly exist. Experts are saying that Richmond is a very common … Continue reading Incapable Of Rational Thought, Man Says His Life Is Hard Too, So Privilege Can’t Possibly Exist

Lonely Pope Encourages Couples to Invite Single People for a Ménage à Trois on Valentine’s Day

Pope Francis gave a Valentine’s Day sermon at St. Peter’s Basilica today in which he asked couples to welcome single people – especially strangers – into their bedroom. The surprising suggestion has many asking if the religious leader is doing … Continue reading Lonely Pope Encourages Couples to Invite Single People for a Ménage à Trois on Valentine’s Day

Jealous?: Anti-Vaxxers Are 11 Times More Likely To Meet God Before You

Scientists across the globe are now starting to admit that there is a perk for those of us who are wisely choosing not to get vaccinated against Covid: We’re 11 times more likely to meet God sooner than all of … Continue reading Jealous?: Anti-Vaxxers Are 11 Times More Likely To Meet God Before You

Pope ‘Deeply Concerned’ As Image Of Jesus Hasn’t Appeared On Waffles, Chips, Fries Or Toast In A Very Long Time

Pope Francis gave a short speech today in which he expressed a deep concern over the fact that the image of Jesus has not appeared on any snacks or breakfast foods for a very, very long time. The Pope says … Continue reading Pope ‘Deeply Concerned’ As Image Of Jesus Hasn’t Appeared On Waffles, Chips, Fries Or Toast In A Very Long Time

Israeli palestinian conflict ice cream

Ben & Jerry’s To Release New Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Ice Cream That’s Just Chocolate & Vanilla That Refuses To Mix

Known for dabbling in politics, ice cream company Ben & Jerry’s is set to release a new ‘Israeli-Palestinian Conflict’ flavor that’s just chocolate and vanilla that is impossible to mix together. “What you’re basically getting here is the choice to … Continue reading Ben & Jerry’s To Release New Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Ice Cream That’s Just Chocolate & Vanilla That Refuses To Mix

NC Rep. Cawthorn Says Biden Could Send People Door-To-Door To Confiscate Bibles and Guns

North Carolina Representative Cawthorn Says Biden Could Send People Door-To-Door To Confiscate Bibles & Guns

North Carolina Republican Madison Cawthorn told audience members at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) today that the process of going door-to-door to inform Americans about vaccinations could also be used to take citizens’ guns and bibles. Here’s what people … Continue reading North Carolina Representative Cawthorn Says Biden Could Send People Door-To-Door To Confiscate Bibles & Guns

supreme court rules worlds largest pedophile ring can dictate who adopts children catholic church

Supreme Court Says World’s Largest Pedophile Ring Can Dictate Who’s Allowed To Adopt Children

The United States Supreme Court ruled 9-0 today in favor of allowing the pedophile-ridden Catholic Church to ban LGBTQ+ individuals from adopting children from any of their organizations. The Church released a brief and disturbing statement after the court’s decision. … Continue reading Supreme Court Says World’s Largest Pedophile Ring Can Dictate Who’s Allowed To Adopt Children

Falwell: ‘This is Easily The Hottest & Worst Thing to Ever Happen to Me’

Evangelist Jerry Falwell Jr. spoke briefly with reporters this afternoon after it was revealed that he spent years masturbating while watching his pool boy have sex with his wife. Falwell, who has demonized others for their non-traditional sex lives now … Continue reading Falwell: ‘This is Easily The Hottest & Worst Thing to Ever Happen to Me’

Heaven: 170,000 COVID Victims Protest God For Taking Wrong Trump

(The Astral Plane) Tensions are running high in Heaven tonight as the 170,000+ Americans who have died from COVID-19 are protesting God for taking the wrong Trump. Authorities say the protests, which are being led by the late father of … Continue reading Heaven: 170,000 COVID Victims Protest God For Taking Wrong Trump

The Devil & God Beg Conservatives to ‘Get Their Shit Together’ as Heaven & Hell Near Capacity

(The Astral Plane) After being essentially hands-off for millennia, the Devil and God stunned the world today when they publicly begged conservatives in America to stop screwing around and take the pandemic seriously. Both rulers reported that their individual dominions … Continue reading The Devil & God Beg Conservatives to ‘Get Their Shit Together’ as Heaven & Hell Near Capacity

Man Tries to Burn Bible & American Flag at Protest, What Happens Next Will Warm Your Heart

An unidentified protester in Portland, Oregon lit several Bibles and an American flag on fire last night, causing outrage across the country. What happened next will warm your heart. The man wasn’t burned, brutally attacked, arrested or otherwise injured. He … Continue reading Man Tries to Burn Bible & American Flag at Protest, What Happens Next Will Warm Your Heart

Melania Avoids Donald After Learning ‘Sex With Demons Causes Disease’

President Trump shared a video on Twitter yesterday featuring a doctor named Stella Immanuel who claimed that she’s cured COVID-19 with hydroxychloroquine. Within minutes of posting the video, it was revealed that Dr. Immanuel also believes that having sexual intercourse … Continue reading Melania Avoids Donald After Learning ‘Sex With Demons Causes Disease’

Fox News Now calling covid deaths meetings with jesus

Fox News Is Now Calling Coronavirus Deaths ‘Meetings With Jesus’

According to a leaked memo, Fox News anchors are now only allowed to refer to COVID-19 deaths as “meetings with Jesus.” Many are calling the move a shamefully transparent attempt to influence public perception of the White House’s handling of … Continue reading Fox News Is Now Calling Coronavirus Deaths ‘Meetings With Jesus’

Mississippi’s New Flag Design Angers Atheists and Racists Alike

Just days after Mississippi lawmakers voted to replace the state flag because it included the old, racist Confederate flag in the top left corner, government officials have unveiled a new design that has upset both atheists and racists in the … Continue reading Mississippi’s New Flag Design Angers Atheists and Racists Alike

The Pope Calls Trump Supporters Evil at Worst Stupid at Best

Pope Francis Calls Trump Supporters ‘Evil at Worst, Stupid at Best’

During an evening address at the Vatican, Pope Francis made remarks on the coronavirus and the state of the world that included harsh words for US president Donald Trump and his supporters. “Truly I tell you, there is a reason … Continue reading Pope Francis Calls Trump Supporters ‘Evil at Worst, Stupid at Best’

States Are Repainting Statues of White Jesus With Blackface, Citing Racial Inaccuracies

Several states across the nation have started repainting statues of Jesus in public spaces in which the religious figure is depicted with white skin. The move comes after a large group of leftist historians pointed out that Jesus couldn’t have … Continue reading States Are Repainting Statues of White Jesus With Blackface, Citing Racial Inaccuracies