“There’s zero evidence to prove that this ‘Mr. Curry’ is not simply a sentient organism comprised of a complex combination of sauce, meats, vegetables, herbs and spices,” the press release stated.
“With McCain already tormenting Donald Trump by repeatedly moving and re-hiding the pee tape, we can only expect worse and worse episodes.”
We’re leaning toward ‘acting just like all of you fucking assholes.’
Ginsburg didn’t know she’d broken her ribs until bruising showed through her tattoos.
Previously Subaru had used coded marketing tactics to reach lesbians.
None of our anchors can say “Trump” without vomiting.
“Let’s just admit it, Mitch is such a basic bitch name.” – Senator Bitch McConnell
Presidential Alerts cannot be turned off on mobile phones.
“We’re trying to attract more meat-eaters by selling a diverse selection of what we are pretty sure they like to eat,”
“I just don’t see the problem here.” – Senator McConnell
“If you are going to pick one, pick bulimia. That’s all we’re saying here.”
“It really comes down to time and resources.”
“The first idea that it runs into is the decision that we go with.” – Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross
Trump intended to nominate Mark McKinney who plays the role of Glenn Sturgis in NBC’s ‘Superstore’.
Those who take prescription drugs made by Pfizer will not be able to notice the difference.
“Americans will become more honest and open about sex, sexual education, and hardcore sexual domination,” Cornell said while rubbing his ‘itchy nipples’.
“We should always be looking up to God before going down to worship,” said Francis.
‘The number of homeless veterans wheeling hundreds of gallons of gasoline through bustling urban centers could be a huge safety problem.’
“Aggression toward the president grew incrementally,” said head ATRI researcher Kaito Nakamura.
Samsung Soft: Televisions You Can Beat the Living **** Out Of.
The visually impaired are suddenly excelling at winter sports and scientists want to know why.
‘Bananons,’ will be infused with Everclear grain alcohol which…
“This will allow every single employee to move up the ladder and manage their own McDonald’s.”
“This move to male cheerleaders is a conscious effort to push back against female objectific…”
“Look people, this is ludicrous, Jesus was a white man,” said Kelly.
Our thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who wants to purchase more military-grade weapons.
In an emotional response, U.S. President Donald Trump has tweeted a well-thought-out message to the world regarding the alarming missile launch today over Japan:
“Volvo states that “physically, the cars will be exactly the same as current models; however…”
There is, in fact, a 5th hijacked plan from 9/11 that is still flying above our borders, with hostages. Let that sink in, because I know I had to as well. Let’s just pause to think about that.”
“Milwaukee, Wisconsin Alderman Jim Bohl has made a sweeping decree to issue flamethrowers to all residents in light of slow and ineffective snow-clearing efforts in the city. An order has already been put in with an undisclosed military manufacturer for nearly…”