“If this will lift the curse from constructing Arrowhead Stadium on an Indian burial ground, then we’re willing to let it slide.” – Chiefs CEO Clark Hunt
Category: Announcement
Congress Passes Resolution to Completely Ignore Middle East
“The $85 billion we save a year will go toward green energy, education, infrastructure and ending homelessness in America.”
Mattel’s new genderless dolls are infuriating conservative collectors
Mattel has announced a new line of inclusive, customizable, genderless dolls that welcome everyone to play with their toys. The new dolls do not feature breasts or other sex or gender-related characteristics – leaving conservative […]
AX-570 android “Barron Trump” returned to a Japanese factory after malfunction causes it to attack
“As the AX-570 android referred to as “Barron” appeared to grow in its capacity to feel, perceive, and experience subjectivity, the android’s aggression toward president Trump grew exponentially.”
Trump just invited the Taliban to ‘fly into Trump Tower’ with a poorly-worded tweet
With the 9/11 meeting fast approaching, the Taliban says they’re ready to make a really big impact.
Trump frantically seeks new high after ordering all Sharpies be removed from the White House
We’ve all seen the president sniffling and rubbing his nose, but we now know his drug-of-choice was actually marker huffing, not cocaine. Yesterday, after Trump held up an inaccurate, Sharpie-altered map of Hurricane Dorian’s trajectory, […]
25 grocery store chains ban open carry, leaving gun owners nowhere to hunt for food
With Walmart and Kroger banning open carry in all of their stores, there are now over 25 different grocery chains that have limited people’s gun rights. Gun activists say there’s almost nowhere to use their […]