“The swirling rumors say that Melania refused to return to the White House for two weeks.”
Immigration
Mike Pence Pops a Boner During Visit to U.S. Concentration Camp
“There’s no room for every musky man to lie down on the concrete, so they have to get creative with the cuddling. It just looks like a great experience.” – Mike Pence
Space Force Has Been Launching Dead Migrant Children Into Orbit
“I can’t express enough how grateful I am that this isn’t happening to me or my family.” – U.S. Rep. Steve King (R-IA)
U.S. Unveils 5,000 Brand New Cages For Children on World Refugee Day
“America can’t take the tired, poor, huddled masses in without somewhere to put ’em.”
Breaking: Extremism Ban Passes US House & Senate
“If you’re banned you’ll be relocated to a garbage island off the coast of New Jersey.” – Nancy Pelosi
Trump to Declare National Emergency & Melt Down Statue of Liberty on Friday
A White House official has confirmed that President Trump plans to declare a National Emergency on Friday in order to both fund the border wall and melt down the Statue of Liberty to use as construction material. “The President is making a smart move here by using materials that we already have available to lower […]
Democrats Will be Testing Trump’s Grasp of Object Permanence Tonight by Bringing Real People to The State of The Union Address
“Now, when I place Sajid in a crouching position behind me I’ll look for a confused expression on the president’s face. Soon thereafter – and here’s where it gets interesting – Sajid will pop out from behind me and…”
Trump to Play Blackfaced ‘Ronald Klump’ Alongside Kanye West in Summer Blockbuster Movie
Early reports confirm Trump stars in the film as Ronald Klump, an “incredibly-relatable, African American Trump supporter who ventures on a mission to get Mexico to pay for the wall.”