Ginsburg didn’t know she’d broken her ribs until bruising showed through her tattoos.
Scott Walker will now have to flush his system of illegal substances in order to qualify for unemployment assistance.
“I almost gave up and started drawing patterns in the bubbles, but then I remembered I was voting.”
None of our anchors can say “Trump” without vomiting.
The package was a 6 foot tall, gold-plated cube that weighed nearly 3.5 tons.
The NRA is utilizing “balloon art guns” and the hashtag #LiterallyDead as part of their marketing.
“Kavanaugh needs a liver by Christmas and the Democrats don’t give a lick!” – Senator Lindsey Graham
#Kavanaugh #FBIReport #SupremeCourt
Presidential Alerts cannot be turned off on mobile phones.
“The investigation is not meant to be a space expedition. Unfortunately, we don’t have a Space Force yet.” – Kellyanne Conway
“I just don’t see the problem here.” – Senator McConnell
“He’s found a loophole here and it’s simply stunning.” – Rudy Giuliani
Users of the popular gay dating and hookup app ‘Grindr’ have reported that Vice President Mike Pence had a countdown to impeachment on his profile that only remained visible for a few minutes. One user managed to snap a screen shot of Pence’s profile before it was changed. Later the two men met at the […]
“I make great deals, okay? This deal is really phenomenal on the surface. It’s a wonderful, superficial deal,” Trump said.
The masterpiece will be placed in the Smithsonian National Museum and is being regarded as an important artistic representation of modern day America.
As walking billboards for work ethic, conservatives add relish to hotdogs as they salivate over the notion of countless 80-hour work weeks to pay for an ambulance ride.
Trump intended to nominate Mark McKinney who plays the role of Glenn Sturgis in NBC’s ‘Superstore’.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders would neither confirm nor deny the claims.
The amount of marijuana that Mr. Sessions consumes on a daily basis is staggering.
This was a direct response to outcry from PETA regarding changes in Alaskan hunting regulations which would…
Obama suggests Trump could have avoided many scandals with one trick.
A painting by President George W. Bush shows his prediction of the future.
Obama was confronted while leaving a mosque.
“As the Supreme Court of Alabama is the highest court in America, we will be continuing our fight on another path.”
“We estimate that he was out cold with water in his lungs for about 2 minutes.”
In an emotional response, U.S. President Donald Trump has tweeted a well-thought-out message to the world regarding the alarming missile launch today over Japan:
After procedural introduction of the bill, Ted Cruz (R-TX) immediately shouted, “Permission to speak freely!?” in an echoing, emotional, yet somehow guttural and primal tone.
Citing differing opinions regarding Freedom of Speech as found in the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, fans in section 129 of the Carolina Panthers vs. San Francisco 49ers game spent the 12-minute halftime respectfully debating the merits of free speech in relation to patriotism.
Trump tweeted and gave approval for the TSA to ban all passengers from flying if they dress like the suspect who is now in detainment.
On Thursday night, Vice President Mike Pence walked up to Donald Trump just outside of the White House Kitchen and “straight up dropped the motherfucker” with a right hook. An hour later at press time Pence was seen entering the The Crew Club – a famous Washington D.C. gay bathhouse. “Obviously nothing matters anymore, so […]
“When you get a maniac like Obama. Okay. And he is, he really is. Then you end up with days like today,” Trump stated while pointing toward the only side of the room without any windows.
“I would always tell him that it’s not a good idea to eat a ‘snack’ before, during, and after each hole at one of his world-renowned golf courses,” sadly…
Formerly an archeologist in the early 19th century, Melania unearthed Donald in Egypt back in 1909.
President Donald Trump used a morning staff meeting today to address leaks that have plagued his administration since day one. In an impassioned speech, the President touched on many topics – concluding with the implementation of a strict ‘No Farting’ policy. The new White House rule was accidentally released to the media by Press Secretary […]
“Schwarzenegger was also not ‘carrying a backpack,’ he was actually strapped in to a military-grade jet pack.”
“What would you say to those around the world who are afraid of your leadership” – Trump paused, took a deep breath, and began:
The tweet was accompanied by the hashtags #WhiteLivesMatter and #Disgraceful.
Obama backtracks on promise to spare the lives of innocent turkeys named Tater and Tot – ruining a longstanding American tradition.
There is, in fact, a 5th hijacked plan from 9/11 that is still flying above our borders, with hostages. Let that sink in, because I know I had to as well. Let’s just pause to think about that.”
“Obviously black people love sports, and that’s why their babies are born during the basketball season, and football, and for those Kenyan blacks – the spring track season,” said Palin.
***BREAKING*** (Washington D.C.) The Republican National Committee is openly taking responsibility for the death of front runner presidential candidate Donald Trump. Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, immediately spoke out about the decision to kill the candidate. “We feel a loss. There’s no doubt about it,” stated Ryan. “We have hundreds of thousands – millions […]
With Senator Ted Cruz dropping out, John Kasich is the only hope for the Republican establishment. Here’s how he can still win…
(Boston, MA) In what can only be called shocking, Massachusetts legislators have passed a law that bans homophobic people from using bathrooms. The law, which will take effect on Monday, has some people – for lack of a better term – pissed off.
(New York, NY) It appears that the wife-bashing has returned to the Republican campaign for presidency with Donald Trump and Ted Cruz shooting a barrage of horrific insults back and forth. It all started with another tweet from Trump…
American psychologists assessed IQ’s of Presidential Candidates #jeopardy
(Janesville, WI) Donald Trump is known for saying shocking things at his rallies, but today in Wisconsin he wowed the crowd with a stunning admission. Donald Trump is bisexual. Let that sink in.
NRA President Wayne LaPierre, and Executive Vice President James W. Porter II have announced a plan to quickly curb mass shootings in the United States of America. Here are their tips for lowering the number of shooting deaths:
To help you make a sound decision, we’ve created this easy-to-follow article. Read on to learn more about this epic showdown between The Donald and Ben Carson:
“Indeed, it seems that poorer people, and those with some wealth and a heart, are able to scrape up money to help fund Sander’s campaign. Ironically, these people…”
There are many different types of grandmothers out there – some are kind, crazy, cheerful, angry, thoughtful, or just incredibly confused. Here are the 10 signs that you may be a sassy grandma:
1.) You aren’t ashamed if you poop yourself in…