A tribe of at least 1,200 gigantic Amazonian women has fled into Brazil’s cities in order to escape unbelievably massive rainforest fires that have been burning for three weeks. The invasion of oversized woman left most Brazilians shocked, intrigued or aroused. Many of the towering women, who are all at least 8-feet tall, have already signed lucrative WNBA and modeling contracts. “It’s great that these women have integrated into our society so quickly because we have no plans to stop this fire,” Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro stated. The Amazon, which provides 20% of the planet’s oxygen, will likely burn up completely in the coming weeks. Advertisements
After being called out on social media for having small crowds, paid attendees, and empty seats at rallies, the Trump reelection campaign has taken to filling seats with additional dummies. “This is a smart move by the Trump campaign; matching the substance and personalities of the waning remainder of his supporters,” CNN’s Anderson Cooper stated. “These dummies are made of fragile porcelain, are hollow inside and are incapable of thought – so they really couldn’t have done a better job.” “Trump rallies this election season looks like something straight out of a horror movie,” Cooper concluded. “Imagine an auditorium filled with a bunch of dummies all faced toward a walking, talking Russian puppet.”
A Georgia judge appointed by President Obama has ruled that the state can print their 2020 ballots in Russian. The ruling also struck down the use of archaic voting machines. “Since our electronic voting system is atrociously outdated and incredibly vulnerable, we’re making a compromise,” Judge Amy Totenberg stated. “We won’t be using the hackable electronic voting machines, but our election will still be welcoming to the Russians, which is all the Republicans seem to want right now.” Outspoken Republicans are condemning the ruling, claiming that obtaining proper IDs to vote on paper ballots in the 2020 election will be too difficult for the average Russian hacker. Photo credit WP Paarz
“The words on that statue are welcoming to criminals and lowlifes.”
Reports say McConnell injured himself while he was aggressively fucking the country.
“In Narnia alone we lost centaurs, fauns – and some of them, I’m sure, were unicorns.”
Americans are sharing their thoughts.