“It’s convoluted as [expletive]!” Senator Bernie Sanders stated. “The document obsesses over mechanical pencils and references outdated world news without context, but oddly enough everything ‘Trump’ now makes sense.”
Trump is trying to rectify the situation by sending Civil War participation trophies to his seething supporters.
“It appears that he was not remotely aware of the situation and still probably isn’t.”
In an emotional response, U.S. President Donald Trump has tweeted a well-thought-out message to the world regarding the alarming missile launch today over Japan:
The North Korean leader then flipped open a glass-encased red button, pressed it, and was immediately torn apart – along with the rest of his country – by a faulty nuclear missile.
There is, in fact, a 5th hijacked plan from 9/11 that is still flying above our borders, with hostages. Let that sink in, because I know I had to as well. Let’s just pause to think about that.”