In a morning news conference with reporters former president Donald Trump took the better part of an hour to share his own personal war story that he referred to as “The Battle of The Bone Spurs.” “People were coming at … Continue reading Trump tells his tale of the ‘Battle of The Bone Spurs’ on Veterans Day
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky is now offering NATO beer and pizza if they agree to come help clear out Russian planes from Ukrainian airspace. “It’s not much. Just a few little planes here and there. It shouldn’t take more than … Continue reading Zelensky Now Offering NATO Beer & Pizza If They’ll Help Clear Out Ukrainian Airspace
Ukranian President Volodymyr Zelensky had thousands of white flags and directions on how to surrender airdropped on top of Russian troops today. Some people are calling the move psychological warfare, while others say it was simply a joke to raise … Continue reading Ukraine Trolls Putin’s Army By Airdropping Thousands Of White Flags & Directions For How To Surrender On Top Of Their Heads
North Korean leader Kim Jong-un posted a series of sexual, shirtless photos of himself on social media today while adding several risqué and incorrectly-used hashtags to accompany them. Political experts are saying that the decision to post this content reveals … Continue reading Attention-Seeking Kim Jong-un Posts Series Of Revealing Photos With Risqué Hashtags
People within view of Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort last night are saying that they saw the former president’s property light up in Russian flag colors for about 15 minutes. When reached for comment, Trump said it was all an honest … Continue reading Trump Says Mar-a-Lago Being Lit Up As The Russian Flag Last Night Was An ‘Accident’
President Joe Biden spoke with Russian president Vladimir Putin today in an effort to de-escalate incredibly high tensions surrounding what looked to be an inevitable invasion of Ukraine. As the two men were nearing the end of what seemed like … Continue reading Loud Biden Fart Makes Putin Smile For First Time In Years & Call Off Ukraine Invasion
The US military is doing an about-face and heading back to Afghanistan after President Joe Biden suddenly remembered that the war-torn country has massive, untapped oil reserves. Biden says it would be “unconscionable” to not secure the oil. “It would … Continue reading Troops Sent Back To Afghanistan After Biden Remembers Country Has Oil
Known for dabbling in politics, ice cream company Ben & Jerry’s is set to release a new ‘Israeli-Palestinian Conflict’ flavor that’s just chocolate and vanilla that is impossible to mix together. “What you’re basically getting here is the choice to … Continue reading Ben & Jerry’s To Release New Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Ice Cream That’s Just Chocolate & Vanilla That Refuses To Mix
President Joe Biden delivered a speech today in which he stated that if more insurrectionists wanted to try to take down the government that they would need weapons such as F-15’s and nukes to even have a chance against the … Continue reading Insurrectionist Who’s Mad US Military Will Defend Country From Him Is Demanding Access To F-15’s, Nukes
Looking to ease the nation’s worries that the United States is on the brink of civil war, historians have come together to point out that too many Trump supporters have gotten COVID for the modern day South to physically rise … Continue reading Civil War ‘Unlikely’ as Most Trump Supporters Are Sick With COVID
Of the nearly 20.4 million US veterans in the United States, the Trump Administration managed to coax just under 700 of them on Craigslist to sign an open letter in support of the president. The letter comes just after it … Continue reading 0.0034% of US Veterans Sign Open Letter Supporting Trump
Looking for something to do during the coronavirus pandemic, the town of Sherman Falls, Michigan threw a birthday parade for local resident and 103-year-old WWII veteran Hanz Richter today despite having no idea which side he fought on. Residents say … Continue reading Bored Town Celebrates WWII Vet’s 103rd Birthday Despite Not Knowing Which Side He Fought On
The blessing of the official Bible of the US Space Force took place today and religious groups are livid after learning the selected Bible was written in Galactic Basic; the common language found in Star Wars. The White House confirmed … Continue reading Space Force Bible written in Galactic Basic and blessed at National Cathedral sparks outrage
Donald Trump announced today that he plans to run for President of Iran in the country’s 2021 election if current leader Hassan Rouhani doesn’t stop his attacks on US bases in Iraq. “I’m going to be the first man to … Continue reading Trump threatens to destroy Iran by becoming their president
In a measured, peaceful, yet offensive response to attacks on US troops in Iraq, president Trump ordered the Air Force to drop over a billion tons of bacon dust over Iran’s capital city of Tehran. “With pork being the only … Continue reading Trump Strikes Back: US drops bacon all over Iran’s capital
President Trump’s approval rating amongst the left jumped from 7.2% to 42.7% after Russian President Vladimir Putin announced a new, deadly, and unmatched hypersonic weapon yesterday. Democrats now admit that Trump’s submissive and subservient approach with Russia makes perfect sense. … Continue reading Democrats now glad Trump has been Putin’s little bitch after Russia announces new hypersonic weapon
The largest military force in the world is in shambles after trying and failing to make an 18 year war with “that ignorant slut Afghanistan” work. Clearly shaken, the US military finally came to grips with reality after longtime friend, … Continue reading Heartbroken: US military is distraught after “wasting 18 good years on that ignorant slut Afghanistan”
PornHub CEO Mike Zoffler and countless other companies from the industry have revealed that literally all of the legal pornography on the internet is being stored 375 feet under the Arctic ice in a remote location. Notably, there’s a global … Continue reading All of the porn on the internet is being preserved in this Arctic cave
