In a show of solidarity with president Trump, prominent Republican lawmakers made waves today when they took a knee during the national anthem. Republicans say they’re protesting the impeachment hearings in Washington DC because they are “un-American.” “When something so unjust keeps happening over and over again – and to the same group of people – you simply can’t keep quiet anymore,” Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell stated. Speaker Nancy Pelosi also commented on the kneeling incident. “Republicans think that white lies don’t matter,” Pelosi stated. “The truth is that all lies matter, and we’ve caught the president in a big one.” Advertisements
Those on the left are being told to stay indoors after public officials warned of a second active Koch brother. “Although one threat has been neutralized, there’s still another bad man reeking havoc on the country,” Joe Biden stated. The second brother has been identified as Charles G. Koch and is considered by authorities to be armed and cantankerous. “We could pass laws to protect ourselves from people like the Koch brothers, but that would require effort. So we’ll just wait for that old bastard to die,” a 76 year old Joe Biden stated. Artwork by DonkeyHotey
Today marks the first time that Merriam-Webster has put an official photograph in their famous dictionary.
“It’s safe to say that most residents of the state of Mississippi have been vegetarian, or close to it, since 2009.” – Governor Phil Bryant
Grisham is scheduled to take a crowbar to the face later today in an attempt to make her eye situation match that of Sanders.
McConnell is being investigated by the US. Senate Ethics Committee for spending $127,000 on a new heat lamp system and gigantic basking rocks in his office.