“We’re giving new mothers 24 hours off, 8 of which will be paid. That leaves plenty of time for doing Kegels.”
South Carolina Governor Henry McMaster announced today that he will be performing the national anthem before the Super Bowl utilizing only his anus. Known for being outspoken – having demanded that everyone stand for the national anthem – McMaster says he’s been practicing for years and can ‘hit every note, low and high.’ In response […]
“With McCain already tormenting Donald Trump by repeatedly moving and re-hiding the pee tape, we can only expect worse and worse episodes.”
The tweet was accompanied by the hashtags #WhiteLivesMatter and #Disgraceful.
Scott Walker will now have to flush his system of illegal substances in order to qualify for unemployment assistance.
“I almost gave up and started drawing patterns in the bubbles, but then I remembered I was voting.”
“If all of this goes according to their godless plan, the Korean Water Ghosts will force us to follow their cultural views or be killed.”
“Let’s just admit it, Mitch is such a basic bitch name.” – Senator Bitch McConnell
“Kavanaugh needs a liver by Christmas and the Democrats don’t give a lick!” – Senator Lindsey Graham
#Kavanaugh #FBIReport #SupremeCourt
“The investigation is not meant to be a space expedition. Unfortunately, we don’t have a Space Force yet.” – Kellyanne Conway
“I just don’t see the problem here.” – Senator McConnell
“He’s found a loophole here and it’s simply stunning.” – Rudy Giuliani
Users of the popular gay dating and hookup app ‘Grindr’ have reported that Vice President Mike Pence had a countdown to impeachment on his profile that only remained visible for a few minutes. One user managed to snap a screen shot of Pence’s profile before it was changed. Later the two men met at the […]
Trump intended to nominate Mark McKinney who plays the role of Glenn Sturgis in NBC’s ‘Superstore’.
The amount of marijuana that Mr. Sessions consumes on a daily basis is staggering.
“Steve and Tim will hold hands, and sometimes even kiss,” laughed Earhardt.
“I hate to say this folks, but it’s to the point where we may have to make something up.”
The president’s internal struggle has become quite tangible. #MindOverMatter
“Mitch insists on having mayonnaise in every single meal he eats.”
“Our first guideline for all users is that you cannot use nude photos in your profile, so that was strike one.”
“As the Supreme Court of Alabama is the highest court in America, we will be continuing our fight on another path.”
In an emotional response, U.S. President Donald Trump has tweeted a well-thought-out message to the world regarding the alarming missile launch today over Japan:
Formerly an archeologist in the early 19th century, Melania unearthed Donald in Egypt back in 1909.
President Donald Trump used a morning staff meeting today to address leaks that have plagued his administration since day one. In an impassioned speech, the President touched on many topics – concluding with the implementation of a strict ‘No Farting’ policy. The new White House rule was accidentally released to the media by Press Secretary […]
The polls showed a likely win for her, but the results did not reflect that; whatsoever. Now we have a fail-safe and proven reason as to why he managed to become the next President of the United States of America.
“Obviously black people love sports, and that’s why their babies are born during the basketball season, and football, and for those Kenyan blacks – the spring track season,” said Palin.
***BREAKING*** (Washington D.C.) The Republican National Committee is openly taking responsibility for the death of front runner presidential candidate Donald Trump. Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, immediately spoke out about the decision to kill the candidate. “We feel a loss. There’s no doubt about it,” stated Ryan. “We have hundreds of thousands – millions […]
With Senator Ted Cruz dropping out, John Kasich is the only hope for the Republican establishment. Here’s how he can still win…
(New York, NY) It appears that the wife-bashing has returned to the Republican campaign for presidency with Donald Trump and Ted Cruz shooting a barrage of horrific insults back and forth. It all started with another tweet from Trump…
American psychologists assessed IQ’s of Presidential Candidates #jeopardy