“Honestly, I think we’re just going to move every piece of debris 10 feet to the right and see if that helps,” Long stated.
“Let’s just admit it, Mitch is such a basic bitch name.” – Senator Bitch McConnell
“It’s crazy to say it, but you almost wish they weren’t dead.”
“If enough of us do it, they can’t catch us all.”
Banana sales have increased by 27% in the United States.
“The first idea that it runs into is the decision that we go with.” – Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross
Nigerian fans brought 2,500 colorfully-painted, live chickens into Russia’s Kaliningrad Stadium.
Trump intended to nominate Mark McKinney who plays the role of Glenn Sturgis in NBC’s ‘Superstore’.
Those who take prescription drugs made by Pfizer will not be able to notice the difference.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders would neither confirm nor deny the claims.
The amount of marijuana that Mr. Sessions consumes on a daily basis is staggering.
This was a direct response to outcry from PETA regarding changes in Alaskan hunting regulations which would…
“Americans will become more honest and open about sex, sexual education, and hardcore sexual domination,” Cornell said while rubbing his ‘itchy nipples’.
It is not uncommon for Bear Cubs (scouts as young as 8 or 9 years old) to leave their families for a better life in the forest.
“Steve and Tim will hold hands, and sometimes even kiss,” laughed Earhardt.
The president’s internal struggle has become quite tangible. #MindOverMatter
Samsung Soft: Televisions You Can Beat the Living **** Out Of.
“I wouldn’t necessarily call it cheating. That’s not the correct wording,” said Bilichick.
The visually impaired are suddenly excelling at winter sports and scientists want to know why.
“I absolutely loathe flu season,” stated Comcast CEO Brian L. Roberts.
‘Bananons,’ will be infused with Everclear grain alcohol which…
“As the Supreme Court of Alabama is the highest court in America, we will be continuing our fight on another path.”
“I’m going to be SO transparent that you will be like: ‘Hey! Where is he? Where did Donald go!?’
Our thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who wants to purchase more military-grade weapons.
“I would always tell him that it’s not a good idea to eat a ‘snack’ before, during, and after each hole at one of his world-renowned golf courses,” sadly…
President Donald Trump used a morning staff meeting today to address leaks that have plagued his administration since day one. In an impassioned speech, the President touched on many topics – concluding with the implementation of a strict ‘No Farting’ policy. The new White House rule was accidentally released to the media by Press Secretary […]
In a timely press release the Wright Brothers, who invented flight, said “This isn’t what we intended. We only overbooked as a joke when racist aunt Karen wanted to visit, and she wasn’t technically, completely white.” Thank you for reading our latest informative news article. Check out more stories below – or like our Facebook […]
Tallest first lady ever lifts President Obama in famous tradition.
A little known fact about our eight-foot-six-inch-tall first lady Michelle Obama is that she uses her phenomenally long and powerful arms to rescue cats and kittens that get stuck in Washington D.C. metropolitan area trees. Hovering at just over 8’6″, and being the tallest woman in the world, the first lady said that she felt […]
The polls showed a likely win for her, but the results did not reflect that; whatsoever. Now we have a fail-safe and proven reason as to why he managed to become the next President of the United States of America.
There is, in fact, a 5th hijacked plan from 9/11 that is still flying above our borders, with hostages. Let that sink in, because I know I had to as well. Let’s just pause to think about that.”
(Boston, MA) In what can only be called shocking, Massachusetts legislators have passed a law that bans homophobic people from using bathrooms. The law, which will take effect on Monday, has some people – for lack of a better term – pissed off.