Unaware Of Air Travel Shutdown, Southwest Flight Cancellations ‘Remained At Same Frequency As Usual’

Continue reading Unaware Of Air Travel Shutdown, Southwest Flight Cancellations ‘Remained At Same Frequency As Usual’

Baby Oil Processor Squish Babies Abortion Shortage Ban

Experts Warn Of ‘Huge Baby Oil Shortage’ After Bans On Abortion Result In Fewer Fetuses To Squeeze Juices From

With strict abortion bans going into effect in 13 states, baby oil manufacturers and suppliers are sounding the alarm that a product shortage is unavoidable due to an abrupt drop in the amount of aborted fetuses available to squeeze the … Continue reading Experts Warn Of ‘Huge Baby Oil Shortage’ After Bans On Abortion Result In Fewer Fetuses To Squeeze Juices From

New Twitter Update Will Add An Animated Bird That Suggests Slurs & Insults To Spice Up Your Tweets

Elon Musk announced today that the remaining 17 employees at Twitter have been working day and night to finish a software update that will help users to insult other people on the platform with more creativity. “It’s kind of like … Continue reading New Twitter Update Will Add An Animated Bird That Suggests Slurs & Insults To Spice Up Your Tweets

Inside Source: Hunter Biden’s Defective Laptop Keeps Playing ‘Someone Like You’ – Most Likely Because It’s A Dell

An anonymous informant from inside the FBI leaked to reporters today that authorities are still trying to learn what’s on Hunter Biden’s laptop. Apparently, the device is driving agents crazy because it plays the same song when powered on and … Continue reading Inside Source: Hunter Biden’s Defective Laptop Keeps Playing ‘Someone Like You’ – Most Likely Because It’s A Dell

Study: 79% Of Fox News Viewers Just People Too Challenged By TV Remotes To Learn How To Change The Channel

A study conducted by Brigham Young University has revealed that the vast majority of Fox News viewers are actually just a captivated audience of people too challenged by TV remotes to learn how to change the channel. “It appears that … Continue reading Study: 79% Of Fox News Viewers Just People Too Challenged By TV Remotes To Learn How To Change The Channel

Samsung Threatens To Sue Elon Musk Over Tesla Phone: ‘We Hold The Patent For Phones That Explode’

Samsung threatened to file a lawsuit against Elon Musk today after the billionaire had an exchange with a video podcaster on Twitter about the possibility of Musk making a new smartphone. Samsung released a brief press release about the issue, … Continue reading Samsung Threatens To Sue Elon Musk Over Tesla Phone: ‘We Hold The Patent For Phones That Explode’

Elon Musk’s Test Monkeys That Didn’t Die From Brain Implant Clearly Plotting Revenge

Recent reports claim that billionaire Elon Musk’s company Neuralink may have killed up to 15 test monkeys by implanting computer chips into their brains. Now, researchers and Musk are saying that the remaining monkeys are clearly plotting revenge. “Every single … Continue reading Elon Musk’s Test Monkeys That Didn’t Die From Brain Implant Clearly Plotting Revenge

tesla driver hit by starlink satellite already dead from nueralink implant and car exploding

Tesla Driver Hit By Falling Starlink Satellite Was Already Dead From Faulty Neuralink Implant & Car Exploding, Authorities Say

Authorities have determined that the Starlink satellite that fell directly onto a Tesla in Riverside, California last week was not the actual cause of death for the driver. “After investigation it is clear that the sole passenger was already dead … Continue reading Tesla Driver Hit By Falling Starlink Satellite Was Already Dead From Faulty Neuralink Implant & Car Exploding, Authorities Say

NASA To Turn 450-Ton, Non-Recyclable International Space Station Into ‘Somebody Else’s Problem’ By Crashing It Into The Ocean

The head of NASA announced today that the organization plans to get rid of the aging International Space Station (ISS) by “purposely crashing it into the Pacific Ocean” sometime in January of 2031. NASA says that the decision was made … Continue reading NASA To Turn 450-Ton, Non-Recyclable International Space Station Into ‘Somebody Else’s Problem’ By Crashing It Into The Ocean

‘Instagram Kids’ Cancelled After Matt Gaetz Obtains Beta Testing Profile

Facebook announced today that the company will be halting its creation of the new ‘Instagram Kids’ platform after discovering that Florida representative Matt Gaetz – who is under investigation for sex trafficking and sex with a minor – had somehow … Continue reading ‘Instagram Kids’ Cancelled After Matt Gaetz Obtains Beta Testing Profile

Apologetic Boeing Recalls All 787 Aircrafts After Inspection Reveals Planes To Be Lacking Wings, Engines

Quick Facts Boeing has been plagued with recent failures including electrical issues on the 737 Max that caused two deadly crashes killing 346 people. At least 17 of the 787’s were equipped with a single rear engine and no wings … Continue reading Apologetic Boeing Recalls All 787 Aircrafts After Inspection Reveals Planes To Be Lacking Wings, Engines

Hacked: Amazon Crashes After Intern Opens Phishing Email From Jeff.Bezos69@Amazon.net

Would-be shoppers were suddenly unable to complete purchases from Amazon on Sunday night after an intern opened a phishing email from hackers. Sources inside Amazon have confirmed that the intern has been demoted to unpaid warehouse worker. “He opened an … Continue reading Hacked: Amazon Crashes After Intern Opens Phishing Email From Jeff.Bezos69@Amazon.net

Unimpressed: Richard Branson Said He Was ‘Over Space’ Only Seconds Into Weightlessness

Sources are reporting that billionaire Richard Branson quickly became bored with today’s space flight just seconds after passengers began experiencing weightlessness. “The spaceship was at the top of its flight path, 50-plus miles high, suspended in weightlessness while allowing the … Continue reading Unimpressed: Richard Branson Said He Was ‘Over Space’ Only Seconds Into Weightlessness

App Lets Eco-Conscious Users Buy Leftovers Instead Of Just Giving Food To The Homeless

The anti-food waste company Too Good To Go sells food that’s left over, or won’t be sold, through their app. The food, which comes from restaurants, bakeries and grocery stores, is delivered as a surprise grab bag of food that … Continue reading App Lets Eco-Conscious Users Buy Leftovers Instead Of Just Giving Food To The Homeless

A British startup company is selling a toilet that is unbearable to sit on after five minutes

British startup, StandardToilet, announced its latest product today: a toilet with a seat that angles 13-degrees downward; making sitting unbearable after just five minutes. With 89% of Americans saying they surf the web while on the toilet at work, experts … Continue reading A British startup company is selling a toilet that is unbearable to sit on after five minutes

Google: “We’ll buy Fitbit as soon as they remove all the masturbation data”

Google announced today that they’ve offered to buy Fitbit for $2.1 billion as soon as the company can isolate and remove all data derived from user masturbation. Google says they plan to implement the “fap-free data” in their wearable technology. … Continue reading Google: “We’ll buy Fitbit as soon as they remove all the masturbation data”